Capítulo 48: 48. Chapter 48
It was dark when Meredith made her way in the front door of her house. She could hear the television on in the living room, but she wasn't in the mood to talk to her roommates. All she wanted was to fall into bed with Derek and pretend the day – week, really – hadn't happened.
She had spent over an hour sitting outside the hospital with her best friend, trying to offer some comfort for the situation Cristina had gotten herself into. Burke had a tremor. He had had this tremor for some time. Cristina knew the whole time. Cristina had covered for him. Cristina had reached the end of her rope, and had gone to the Chief.
The happenings of the past few weeks fell into place, each piece fitting together show the whole puzzle. It made sense now, why Cristina had been distant. Why she had scrubbed in on every one of Burke's surgeries, why she had controlled his board. Why Burke had closed his surgeries off to all other residents, including Bailey. Why Cristina and George had been fighting. Why George had requested a consult from Erica Hahn.
And today, Cristina had finally reached her breaking point. Her conversation with the Chief could very well have cost her the career she had been working towards her whole life, the career that had meant everything to her. And it could have cost her the relationship she had been building with Burke. But it was the right thing to do, so she had done it. And yet, even though it was the right thing to do, she had only gotten as far as the bench in front of the hospital doors when she had realized she had nowhere to go. She lived with Burke at his apartment, and although it may be home, it was still his.
Meredith had offered Cristina her choice of couch in her living room, but her best friend had eventually decided to try. She would go home and try and talk to Burke. She was determined not to walk away this time.
And she would show up on Meredith's doorstep should she not be welcome at home.
With the accident at the fish wharf that morning, her shift had run long. And sitting outside with Cristina had only served to delay her going home even more. It was late now, as Meredith trudged up the stairs. And she was cold, as the Seattle evening was a rainy one and she had gotten wet sitting for so long with her best friend.
All she wanted to do now was crawl into bed with Derek, take advantage of his constant warmth, and sleep.
He was already in bed when she pushed open the door to their room, turned on his side, facing away from her. Meredith forewent turning on the light and tiptoed into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She then padded quietly across the floor to her dresser, where she quickly stripped down to her underwear and pulled on an old tee shirt to sleep in.
Derek didn't move the entire time it took her to get ready for bed, so Meredith slipped into bed behind him and snuggled close, reaching her arm around his waist to spoon him.
It was then that she realized he was awake.
His body was tense and his breathing was far too shallow for him to be sleeping. And he didn't give in to her presence. Usually when he was asleep and she joined him in bed he at least reacted to her; reaching unconsciously for her hand, shifting closer or sighing. He was never so tense to her touch, no matter how deep in sleep he was.
And yet, this time there was nothing. No acknowledgement. Nothing.
"Derek?" She whispered into the dark. He had left the hospital before her, so other than assisting him in surgery, she hadn't seen him since early that afternoon.
He sighed, but said nothing.
She rolled away from him, onto her back, expecting him to follow suit so they could talk.
He didn't move, save for reaching his hand upwards to run through his hair, a sure sign that he was stressed.
"Derek?" She said again, this time more forceful.
He sighed again, but spoke. "You watched his hands all through surgery. You knew."
It was her turn to sigh. "Derek..."
"You knew," he accused again. "You knew and you didn't say anything."
"What was I supposed to say?"
"Something. Anything."
"I didn't know what to say. I didn't know anything was wrong until I went to get Burke. And even then Cristina barely said anything."
"She came over this morning," he pressed. "What did you really talk about?"
"I told you; bank robberies. I knew something was wrong, but not what."
He huffed.
She felt anger bubbling up inside and sat up. "She came over and asked if I would turn myself in if you robbed a bank and got caught and I was driving the getaway car. How exactly was I supposed to get hiding a potentially dangerous tremor from that?"
"Meredith," he said her name, but it came out as an exasperated hiss of air; far from the way it usually sounded leaving his lips.
"I cannot believe you're mad at me for this," she hissed. "Seriously! I didn't do anything wrong. And you won't even freaking look at me."
There was a pause before he rolled over, meeting her eyes, but making no move to reach for her.
"I had no idea what was going on until you sent me to get Burke. Cristina tried to follow him into our surgery and he yelled at her. I asked if she thought he couldn't operate with out and she got this weird look on her face and told me to get back into the OR. That's all, Derek. I still didn't even know what the problem was."
"You still knew something."
She rolled her eyes. "And what was I supposed to do? Announce to the OR that Cristina had a look on her face, so therefore something's up with Dr. Burke? Yeah, that would have gone over so freaking well."
"You could have told me. No, you should have told me."
"Right in the middle of surgery?"
"It was important."
"I didn't know that!" She exclaimed. "I didn't know what the problem was. And telling you that I thought something was up in the middle of surgery would have meant bringing our private life, our relationship, into work."
He said nothing, and it only fuelled her anger.
"You don't get to blame this on me," she reiterated. "I didn't know what the problem was. Cristina came to me as her friend. You're his doctor, Derek. You cleared him for surgery. How could you not know?"
His expression changed immediately. "He didn't tell me."
She let out an exasperated breath. "Well, make sure and tell me in the future when your patients hide something from you, because I don't need to come home to this. I don't need it and I don't deserve it. I didn't do anything wrong here, Derek. And maybe you didn't either. And I get that you're upset, but you don't get to take it out on me." There were tears in her eyes as she sprang off the bed. She was exhausted and freezing and emotionally wiped. Taking the brunt of Derek's anger for something that was completely not her fault was not something she was able to deal with.
"Where are you going?"
She glared at him as she pulled on a pair of pajama pants and a sweatshirt. "Away. And if you ever decide to rob a bank, don't go coming to me for help, Derek, cause I'm not going to drive your freaking getaway car when you act like this." And with that she turned away from him and walked out their door, slamming it behind her.
Meredith stormed down the stairs and over to the couch, where George and Izzy were sharing a bowl of reheated spaghetti.
"You okay?" Izzy asked, concern lining her voice. She would have heard Meredith slam the door.
Meredith huffed and collapsed next to her. "Derek's being a jackass."
"I've heard you call him that before."
"Yeah, well, now I mean it."
"What'd he do now?" George questioned.
"He's pissed about Burke," she vented. "Burke didn't tell him about his hand, and Derek cleared him for surgery. And somehow it's my fault." She huffed before muttering, "Jackass."
Izzy laughed, but hooked a supportive arm around her roommate.
"Sometimes people take out their anger on the people who mean the most to them," George offered. "Maybe you were just the only way he could vent."
Izzy offered George a sad smile, and Meredith furrowed her brow, wondering what had gone on between her roommates today. "It happens," Izzy said with a nod, agreeing with George. "But if it's someone you love, you'll forgive them."
"You people are far too rational for my mood," Meredith complained.
They both laughed.
She cracked a smile. "I'll forgive him, of course. I just don't want to deal with him like this."
"That's what we're here for," Izzy spoke up. "To offer you an outlet."
"Good to know," Meredith replied, reaching for the bowl of spaghetti resting in Izzy's lap. "So, what happened between you two today?"
Izzy shrugged. "George outed me to his parents."
Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Outed you?"
"Told them I was on probation, and why. And this was after I spent to day having his mom ask me a hundred times if there was anything sexual between us..."
Meredith laughed. "She asked you that?"
George sighed. "She doesn't understand the concept of roommates."
"She also thinks George is a babe-magnet," Izzy added. "Once I finally convinced her I wasn't sleeping with George, she decided that George is having some kind of affair with Dr. Hahn."
Meredith snorted. "Dr. Hahn? Seriously?"
George made a strangled noise as he covered his face with his hands. "She's worried about my dad, and my brother's weren't around today, so she's focusing fully on me..."
Izzy laughed and took the spaghetti bowl from Meredith to hand to George. "At least she cares, George. She could be like my mother."
"Or mine," Meredith added.
000
It was less than a minute after Meredith slammed the door behind her that Derek realized how much of an ass he had been. It took six minutes for him to realize she wasn't coming back up on her own, and an additional fifteen minutes for him to work up the courage to head down to her. She would be angry, he knew, and rightfully so.
When he finally decided he couldn't spend another moment away from her, he pulled on a pair of sweatpants and quietly let himself out of their room. The scene that greeted him in the living room was of no great surprise. George, Izzy and Meredith were sharing the couch, and all three looked up at the same time. The look on Izzy and George's faces told Derek that Meredith had shared their argument with them.
"Hey," he offered quietly, padding cautiously across the room to his girlfriend. "I..." he stammered, glancing quickly at their roommates, who were doing a horrible job pretending they weren't interested in what he had to say. "I'm sorry," he finally said, as softly as he could.
She narrowed her eyes at him, and he could tell she was trying to decide how quickly to forgive him. It was then that he saw the exhaustion in her eyes, and his heart clenched. She hadn't had an easy week; this day would have been hard on her, too. And he had treated her like crap when she really didn't deserve it.
"Mer," he prompted, offering a warm smile as he cocked his head, going for the tried and true look he knew she couldn't resist.
She rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what he was doing, but her expression softened anyway.
"I'm sorry," he said again.
Meredith sighed and slowly moved over, towards Izzy, making room for him on the couch beside her.
Derek didn't hesitate to drop down beside her, his arm snaking around her waist. "You're right," he whispered into her ear. "You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry I took it out on you."
"I'm sorry I called you a jackass," she responded, loud enough for Izzy and George to hear. They both laughed.
"Twice?" He questioned, going back to a comment she had made in the first weeks of their relationship.
This only served to make her laugh. "Yeah, actually."
He exhaled a laughing breath. "I guess I deserved it."
"You kinda did."
"I'm sorry," he said again. "But I'm here now. I'm showing up."
She smiled and finally relaxed fully in his arms. "You're showing up," she murmured.
"Always," he reassured.
Meredith picked up a bowl from Izzy's hands and forked a mouthful of spaghetti into her mouth. She then offered the bowl to Derek. "Want some?"
He made a face, but took her peace offering, taking a mouthful of spaghetti before handing the bowl back to Meredith, who passed it over to Izzy. It amazed him, how openly they shared everything.
"How's you dad, O'Malley," Derek finally spoke.
"He's okay. His surgery is rescheduled for tomorrow."
"That's good. How is his mood?"
"Good enough that his mom is turning all her energy onto George," Meredith said with a laugh.
George groaned.
Izzy laughed at his reaction. "His mom kept asking me if anything sexual was going on between us."
"And she kept giving me crap about my clothes being wrinkled," George added.
Derek laughed. "Yeah, my mom does that...about the clothing, not about the other thing..."
Meredith giggled. "She does, huh?"
"Mmm, yes," he murmured.
She sighed and leaned her head against him, stifling a yawn.
"Do you want to go up to bed," he whispered.
She nodded against him and slowly unfurled herself from him as she stood up.
Derek was right behind her as they said goodnight to Izzy and George, and headed up the stairs. He followed suit as they both stripped of their sweatshirts and crawled into bed.
"I really am sorry," he stated as he settled on his side of the bed.
Meredith smiled at him and shifted close to him, laying her head on his shoulder and snaking her arm across his chest. "I get it, Derek," she murmured. "I still love you."
His hands found her back as he smiled. It never ceased to surprise him just how big her heart was. She didn't hold things over his head. She didn't give him the guilt trip. She didn't draw things out far longer than necessary. She simply called him on his crap, let him apologize, and then they moved on with their lives.
"I'm glad," he mumbled into her hair before inhaling the sweet smell of lavender.
"Are you okay?" She asked quietly.
He absently ran his hand up and down her spine. "He wanted to tell me something earlier today...before the surgeries. He was going to tell me something, but then we were interrupted. I keep going back there in my mind. What if we had had another minute? What if he had a chance to tell me?"
Meredith sighed, her fingers playing with the thin fabric of the shirt covering his chest. "Then one of the patients today probably wouldn't be alive. There was no one else who could have operated."
"It shouldn't have come to that," Derek stated. "We should have had another cardio surgeon there."
"Exactly," she agreed, lifting her head to meet his eyes. "It wasn't your fault that there wasn't anyone else there. It was Burke's fault. He should have told you right from the beginning. He shouldn't have let it go this far. He shouldn't have put himself, or anyone else in the hospital for that matter, in that position."
"I still should have known."
She shook her head. "How could you have known, Derek? I get that you've got twice the ego of regular person and all, but that still doesn't make you psychic."
Despite his mood, Derek couldn't help the smile that flittered across his lips. "Twice the ego, huh?"
Meredith nodded.
He laughed. "I still feel like I should have been able to do something. He didn't even want to talk to me tonight. I offered to help..."
"Then you've done everything you can," she reassured. "Burke got himself into this, and he got caught with his pants down or whatever, and now it's up to him to...dig himself out of the hole he dug for himself."
Derek laughed long and loud at this, sitting up and forward to press his lips against Meredith's.
"What?"
He shook his head. "Nothing; just you and your metaphors..."
She rolled her eyes. "I'm trying to be helpful here."
"You are," he assured. "And I love you for it."
She grumbled something incoherent, but resettled herself against his chest. "This is what I get for being nice to you."
He closed his arms around her, holding her tight against him, and kissed the top of her head. "I wouldn't change a single thing about you, Meredith. Not a single thing."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," he breathed, closing his eyes as he settled himself back against the pillow.
"Derek?" She asked quietly.
"Hmm?"
"I lied."
"About what?"
"If you robbed a bank, I'd totally drive the getaway car." She paused. "And you don't get to make fun of me for that metaphor, because Cristina came up with it, not me."
"Thank-you," he whispered, "But I'd never ask you to drive the getaway car."
"You wouldn't have to ask."
"Well, then, I wouldn't let you."
"You wouldn't be able to stop me."
He smiled. "I wouldn't, huh?"
"Nope," she mumbled into his chest. "And I'd turn myself in."
"I...don't understand that part of the metaphor."
"It's okay," she said with a sigh. "You don't have to."
"O-kay..."
"Just say goodnight, Derek."
He smirked. "Goodnight, Derek."
She huffed and he could practically feel her rolling her eyes. "Smartass," she muttered.
Derek pressed his lips against the top of her head again. "Goodnight, Mer."
"Hmm, night," she breathed, shifting slightly as she snuggled closer.
He sighed happily. "I love you."
"I love you too."
AN: Please check out my new oneshot, 'Of Trust and Taking Steps.'
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