Capítulo 25: Underground Meeting
A few minutes later, Hisoka couldn't help but get a little excited as she watched Yuna unsealing a secret passage.
'Is this Yoruichi and Urahara's secret hideout? I can't help but look forward to visiting such an iconic location. After all, this is where Ichigo got his Bankai. Well, considering Yuna-sensei is the one guiding me, the is quite a high chance that this is a different hideout. Maybe even one she made herself somehow.'
Anyway, after the secret passage was opened, the duo stepped through it and started walking down the stairs, and with every step, Hisoka grew more excited.
The duo continued walking, and a few moments later, they reached their destination, causing Hisoka's jaw to drop. Instead of the rocky landscape she had expected, she was greeted by a landscape that was covered by a layer of snow as more snow was gently falling down the sky, creating a soft atmosphere.
"What the hell? How is it snowing inside an underground cave... Well, it's Yuna-sensei, after all, so I guess this is normal."
Although Yuna heard Hisoka's murmuring, she decided to ignore it and guided her deeper into the cave, where Hisoka saw something that made her pause.
A few dozen meters away from Yuna and Hisoka, a busty woman wearing thick winter clothes with long blond hair has just finished building a three-segment snowman by pushing a carrot... into the snowman's lowest segment, causing her to giggle like a schoolgirl.
"Is that Rangiku Matsumoto? Why in the world is she down here?"
Hearing Hisoka's question, Yuna simply shrugged her shoulders and started her explanation.
"Well, you know how it is, don't you? I saw her, she saw me, she has big breasts. So anyway, we f*cked."
Hisoka couldn't help but facepalm as soon as Yuna finished her explanation.
"Right, that was a stupid question. What else could it have been but that? But damn, you sure work fast, sensei. This is like your third day here, and you have already picked up a woman. A pity it's Rangiku; She was one of the people I considered as a possible wife candidate."
"Oh? You did? What about Tayuya? As far as I remember, you were completely loyal to her in your previous life."
Hisoka could only smile wryly as soon as Yuna finished speaking. Naturally, she hasn't forgotten her previous life's wife; however, what is she even supposed to do about that?
"Well, I won't deny that I miss her, and if she were in this world, I would gladly marry her again, but I'm unwilling to stay single for all my life because of my marriage from my previous life. Personally, I don't think Tayuya would want me to do so either."
Yuna nodded in approval at Hisoka's words as she asked her next question with a smirk on her face.
"So, you going for a harem this time?"
"*Cough* W-Welllll~ L-Let's just say I wouldn't be against making one."
"Pah, that sounds like something a quiet would say. If you don't even admit to it proudly with your chest held high, how could you possibly succeed?"
Hisoka could only shake her head with a wry smile when she heard Yuna's words. In her opinion, only a freak like Yuna could go around boldly picking up women left and right.
'Two at once already seems like an impossible hurdle, but somehow Yuna-sensei manages to boldly ignore any obstacles such a relationship might bring and happily add more and more women like it was nothing. If I didn't know better, I would think she has some kind of harem system cheat.'
While Hisoka was contemplating Yuna's harem powers, the duo reached Rangiku, who was currently attaching two additional snowballs under the snowman's carrot and was forming those to her liking, creating a weirdly erotic scene.
"Not sure what I'm supposed to think about you fondling balls while I'm not with you, Rangiku."
Hearing someone suddenly speaking to her, Rangiku flinched, causing her to crush the two snowballs she was holding, resulting in Hisoka uttering an uncomfortable whimper. Although it was a long time ago, she had been a man once, so what just happened made her a little uncomfortable.
On the other hand, Rangiku finally noticed Yuna, and after registering Yuna's words, she chuckled in amusement.
"Well, I can't slack off even after joining your harem. After all, who knows if it will work out with us, Yuna. Since I'll be mostly interacting with women, I need to find other ways to train my skills."
"Mah, no need to worry about that. There will be plenty of chances to improve your skills not only with balls but even with phallic objects."
Hearing Yuna's answer, Rangiku was slightly taken aback as she tilted her head in confusion.
"There will? I thought you only accept women? What's that about?"
"Hehe, let's just say Kido has quite a lot of possibilities. Well, the spell isn't done yet, but it's in progress."
At first, Rangiku was rather confused by Yuna's words, but after a few seconds, her eyes widened in shock as she looked at Yuna in disbelief.
"Seriously? You are working on creating that kind of Kido!?"
"Yup, what do you think?"
Honestly, Yuna half expected Rangiku to feel a little weirded out, but her reaction wasn't like that at all, as her eyes started shining with curiosity.
"Awesome! You definitely have to inform me about that kind of spell and teach it to me when it's done! I was always curious how men feel, so this is perfect, hahaha!"
Seeing Rangiku getting excited, Yuna couldn't help but chuckle in amusement. Initially, Yuna was only drawn to Rangiku because of her big breasts, looking for some casual fun, but Yuna had to admit that her open and carefree personality was rather fun to deal with.
'As expected of me, no one is better at picking up interesting women than me.'
[Although I'm not denying your claim, considering how frequently you pick up unique women, I won't be giving you any credit for this one, as you only went after her due to her breasts.]
'What was it again? Right! Luck is also a cultivator's skill... or something like that.'
[Pah! Luck? You only went after someone with big breasts because Hinata's aren't fully grown yet!]
'*Sigh* you know me so well, Kurama. Unfortunately, I now have to snitch to Hinata that you said she has small breasts.'
[The hell!? I didn't say that at all!]
'I hope we can meet again in your next life.'
[Oi, don't ignore me!]
'Farewell, friend.'
[OI!!!]
While Yuna and Kurama were bickering, Rangiku's eyes landed on Hisoka, causing her face to deadpan.
"Seriously, Yuna? Do you have to pick up a new woman every day? Isn't this a little too much?"
Hearing Rangiku's words, Hisoka could only smile wryly as she resumed speaking.
"I'm not here to join Yuna-sensei's harem, Leitnant Matsumoto. It's a little hard to explain, but I have known her for a while now and coincidently met her again here in Soul Society."
Hearing Hisoka's explanation, Rangiku immediately came to the conclusion that Yuna was someone Hisoka knew from when she was still alive. Obviously, Rangiku didn't know the background of every single Shinigami, so it was impossible for her to know that Hisoka was born here in Soul Society, and neither could she know that she had already spent dozens of years here, far surpassing Yuna's physical age.
"Oh, so it's like that. It's quite surprising that you met her again like this. Soul Society is huge, after all. Seems like you are quite lucky."
Hisoka's eyes became a little empty as she answered Rangiku with an even emotionless voice.
"Yeah... I'm so... lucky...."
Seeing Hisoka's unusual facial expression, Rangiku couldn't help but tilt her head in confusion. Although she had to admit that Yuna could be a little weird sometime, she didn't see why Hisoka had such a weird reaction to her meeting Yuna again.
"Is something wrong? I somehow get the impression that you aren't entirely happy with meeting Yuna again. Is there something wrong with Yuna?"
Hearing Rangiku's words, Hisoka's eyebrows started twitching as she opened her mouth, just to close it again. Her hands started shaking, which she forcefully suppressed by grabbing her clothes as hard as she could, balling her hands into fists. However, after doing so for a few seconds, a glint of insanity passed through Hisoka's eyes, and she opened her mouth to start speaking.
"She is a complete degenerate! She is uncontested when it comes to how perverted a human could possibly be. Her favorite jokes are sexual innuendos. She is a complete degenerate! Every time she fights someone strong, she goes on a rampage despite being able to win much more easily if she just fought normally. She is a complete degenerate! She freely switches through different personalities and moods just to trick as many people as possible. She is a complete degenerate! When she wants something from someone, her first thoughts always involve bribery or blackmail. She is a complete degenerate! She has not the slightest care for the sanity of the people around her and mercilessly crushes their minds, plunging them into madness. SHE IS A COMPLETE DEGENERATE!!!"
Finishing her rant, Hisoka was breathing heavily as she glared at Rangiku, who was looking at her in bewilderment, with bloodshot eyes.
Moments later, Hisoka realized what had just happened, and her face paled as cold sweat started flowing down her back. She mechanically moved her head to the side to look at Yuna, who simply was stroking a non-existing beard while deep in thought.
'That's it; I'm done for. What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I say stuff like that in front of Yuna-sensei? Do I have a death wish? Good game, me; this is it. Tayuya, if you are in this world somewhere, don't avenge me. Hell, what am I even saying? There is no way she would do something that stupid.'
While Hisoka had a panic attack and Rangiku was looking at her in bewilderment, Yuna's thoughts kept wandering.
'Somehow, those words seemed rather familiar.'
[*Cough* I have no idea what you are talking about.]
'Mhh? Are you sure about that?'
[Yup, no idea what you are talking about~]
'Sure, let's pretend I believe you.'
As Hisoka was sweating up a storm and Yuna was chatting with Kurama, Rangiku couldn't help but be confused.
'Isn't she exaggerating things? I mean, yeah, Yuna is a little weird but is it really that bad... Now that I think about it, she invaded Seireitei by herself, defeated two lieutenants, made one of them her woman, defeated a captain, and then made that captain her woman as well... Okay, I wasn't really putting much attention on this, but she really is a weirdo, isn't she?'
As she came to that conclusion, she started pondering the situation some more, and after remembering everything she had experienced in the short time period after she met Yuna, she nodded her head with a satisfied smile on her face.
'Yup, no matter how I look at it, there is a lot of fun to be had as long as I'm with Yuna. I'm looking forward to it~'
Meanwhile, Yuna finished her conversation with Kurama and simply shrugged her shoulders.
"Well, what can I say? Bribing people is simply the best way to get what I want. As for that stuff about turning people insane... Thanks for the praise; I do what I can to get rid of the illness called sanity. Pretty sure I'm at the frontlines of fighting that illness, just as I am at the frontlines in fighting this annoying quirk called common sense. I know it won't be easy to eradicate these useless things, but I'm, doing my best."
As soon as Yuna finished speaking, an awkward silence reigned over the little group of three. While Rangiku couldn't help but be confused that that was the only point Yuna argued about, basically meaning that she fully accepted the remaining ones, Hisoka could only sigh in relief.
'Right, I briefly forgot what kind of character Yuna-sensei was. Obviously, she was proud of being a pervert and never shied away from her perverted antics or from her ridiculous behavior. Honestly, now that I think about it some more, I would probably be weirder if she reacted negatively to what I had just called her. Most of those things we traits Yuna-sensei was proud of, after all.'
Seeing that she wasn't in trouble, Hisoka sighed in relief before continuing to speak to Rangiku.
"Well, those are my thoughts about Yuna-sensei. Considering her reaction, I guess you could make a good guess about the kind of person she really is. So, what do you think?"
Obviously, Hisoka didn't want to separate Rangiku from Yuna with those words. She didn't have a death wish; however, she couldn't help but be curious to see how Rangiku would react after hearing Hisoka's rant and seeing how indifferent Yuna was to pretty much all the accusations piled up on her.
Hearing Hisoka's question, Rangiku briefly turned quiet as she observed Yuna, who clearly wasn't bothered in the slightest by all the insults Hisoka had piled up upon her. And, a few seconds of pondering later, Rangiku gave her answer.
"Well, seems like I'm in for a fun ride. I'm looking forwards to what is about to happen~"
As soon as Hisoka heard Rangiku's answer, her chin crashed on the floor while her eyes opened wide in utter bewilderment.
'Is she serious? What the hell is wrong with her? How can someone enjoy being together with such a chaotic individual?'
Although Hisoka didn't comment any further, she could easily read what Hisoka was thinking, causing her to chuckle in amusement.
"You are wondering how I am fine with this, right? Honestly, it's because it sounds fun~ Seireitei is way too stiff for my taste, and from what I have heard and seen so far, I'm sure Yuna will be able to bring some color to this dreary place. Honestly, I'm looking forward to it~"
Hearing Rangiku's answer, a shiver went through Hisoka's spine as she realized what was going on.
'She doesn't get it! She doesn't understand the amount of chaos Yuna-sensei can conjure! She hasn't seen anything yet; thus, she can not fathom the amounts of minds Yuna-sensei will shatter with her mere presence.'
Hisoka was just about to continue arguing when a calm, motherly voice spoke to the trio.
"Ara~ you are already back, Yuna. Did you find anything interesting?"
A shiver went through Hisoka's spine as she heard a somewhat familiar voice, and moments later, a mature woman with her hair woven together in front of her chest appeared. Just like Rangiku, she wore thick winter clothes as she held a cup of steaming brown liquid in her bare hands, clearly enjoying the heat emitting from it. Her face was adorned with a kind, motherly smile, completely different from the insanity-ridden grin she had previously displayed. Naturally, this woman was Retsu Unohana.
"I made some cocoa. Would you like to have some as well, Yuna, Rangiku, unknown additional guest?"
"Ohh, please add in a good amount of rum for me, Retsu."
"I'll take one with some cream, please. Thanks, Retsu."
Unlike Yuna and Rangiku, who answered Retsu's question instantly, Hisoka was frozen in place as soon as she saw Retsu Unohana.
Retsu Unohana was on her list of captains to absolutely avoid. Although she was the lowest ranking on that list, Hisoka still would rather not have anything to do with her. Obviously, Mayuri Kurotsuchi was on the top of that list as he had no qualms about haphazardly planting bombs on random Shinigami, while Aizen was the close second due to his crazy schemes, which Hisoka would rather stay out of. The final candidate, placing third place above Retsu Unohana and below Aizen Sosuke, was Kenpachi, who was somewhat similar to Unohana but with less control over himself.
However, Retsu couldn't care less about Hisoka's reluctance to interact with her and simply stared at her, waiting for Hisoka to answer whether she wanted some cocoa or not.
Frankly, one of Seireitei's greatest killers, looking at her, patiently waiting for her to say whether she wanted to drink some cocoa, gave Hisoka the chills, but in the end, she managed to push through her bewilderment and stated her desire.
Hisoka was aware that Unohana was not someone who randomly started killing people... Well, at least her current self wouldn't do that. Hisoka wasn't entirely sure about her past self.
Anyway, Hisoka was reasonably confident that as long as she acted politely toward Unohana, nothing bad would happen to her.
"Could I have a cocoa with a little bit of rum, please?"
Hearing Hisoka's request, Unohana's motherly smile that had slowly started vanishing after Hisoka didn't answer her made a return as she nodded her head in agreement, causing Hisoka to sigh in relief.
As soon as Unoahan was gone, Hisoka's head snapped towards Yuna as question marks appeared above her head.
"What in the world is that about? Why is Captain Unohana down here?"
Hearing Hisoka's question, Yuna simply shrugged her shoulders as she walked after Unohana towards a set of chairs and a small table.
"Well, you know how it is, don't you? I saw her, she saw me, we are both battle junkies, so we fought and then f*cked."
Hisoka could feel her eyebrows twitch due to that explanation. Although she really wanted to argue that that was utterly absurd, she had a pretty good grasp of how Yuna operated by now, so she wasn't even that surprised due to what she had heard.
'As expected of Yuna-sensei. She has only been here for a few days, and her degeneracy has already seeped this deeply into the city. Honestly, is Aizen fine? Is he already transformed into a woman? Is he afraid of cake by now?
What about old man Yamamoto? Please, for the love of god, don't have him become a woman.
Wait a moment! WHAT ABOUT KENPACHI!? Considering Yuna-sensei's personality, there is no way she wouldn't go out of her way to meet him. *Gulp* has he already been turned into a woman and joined Yuna-sensei's harem? *Urgh* I should have requested more rum in my cocoa."
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