Capítulo 17: He Who Wipes Her Tears

Duncan was not expecting me to climb onto his lap and kiss him. This was so out of character for me. Like way way out.

He stopped the car near The Belle, and his windows were not even tinned. Meaning everyone can see what we were doing.

I should be ashamed. Should be horrified. But I felt none of that. There was only the need to connect to this man in the most primal way possible.

Duncan tasted so good. Each time we kissed everything kept getting hotter and hotter. It was like a time bomb waiting to happen.

I bit his lower lip and soothed it by sucking it, then I slipped my tongue inside his mouth, wanting to play with his. In response, he grabbed my head entwining his finger at the base of my neck, making sure that I will not move.

Duncan pulled me closer so the vee between my legs was directly on top of his growing arousal. My underwear was soaked, I could feel my pussy continuously wet, and now that we are this close, I am practically drenched.

Duncan took command of the kiss. He became more aggressive and I could feel my body responding to his touch. He freed our lips, but not his hold on me.

I needed to touch him. Any part would be okay. I need to feel the heat of his skin underneath my palm.

I glided my palm down to the strong column of his neck. His skin was hot and I could feel how each of his muscles moved. My thumb lingered on his pulse. it was beating so fast just like mine.

Duncan's lips were not idle though, he was also kissing and licking my pulse. The hand on my neck was gently caressing the scalp at the back of my head, while the other hand was slowly massaging my left thigh.

I leaned down and did the same thing he was doing to me. I groaned and his lips released making me smile. Who knew that I could make a man like Duncan feel this way?

"Julie," he whispered.

I could feel his hand going higher till he reached the gusset of my underwear. He can feel how much my body was responding to his touch.

I waited for him to slide a finger inside me, it was natural after all. We were in a make-out session. That was supposed to happen. But he didn't.

Something inside me broke.

I felt tears gathering at the corners of my eyes until they fell on his exposed skin. His hand withdrew from the valley between my legs and just pulled me close.

Why?

The pain inside me was so overwhelming. I wanted him to touch me, I was welcoming his touch, why am I crying?

Why does it hurt so much? Why was I like this? I could feel that my heart was being crushed by the gravity of what was about to happen. This was a different setting in the woods.

In the woods, I was able to let my desire run free. I could be the sensual person that I have always been. There, in the woods, I could be me.

Duncan tucked my head underneath his neck and let me cry. I could hear him whispering to me. Saying that it is okay, that I should cry.

"I...I..." I said. There were so many things I wanted to say to him. So many words that wanted to be known. Emotions that I needed to let go of.

All I could do was wrap my arms around him and break down.

When was the last time I had a breakdown?

Yes, I do cry. I consider myself a crybaby. Yet everyone around me always says be strong, you can do this. I have a few people who tell me that crying was good. It was cleansing.

How many times had I cried anyway? Too many times, according to my pillow. It was the only object that had seen me cry. But another living being? Not more than five, I guess.

I felt Duncan pull me back, held my head between his hands, and gently tilted my head. I could feel his gaze on me. Like his eyes were tracing every contour of my face.

A sob broke out of me, and when I opened my eyes, more tears fell. I could barely see Duncan, but I knew that whatever heat that was between had been doused. His thumb was continually wiping the tears that were falling from my face.

"Julie?" I heard him say.

I wanted to answer, but no words came out. instead, I held on to the hands that were keeping me from hiding the ugly side of me.

"I know." That was all he said.

More tears.

How could he know? How could he phantom how deep the pain I carry inside? How can this man understand me so much?

"Let me go, Duncan," I said through my snot and tears. Gosh. I am a mess. I know that my eyes will look like cream puffs after this. And the kids would likely ask why...

Oh, no. I have to stop crying. Claude and Nicole never liked to see me cry. They both would be upset the minute they saw me.

As much as I want to let go. Like letting everything go, I cannot. Not yet.

There were too many things that I needed to do. Many things that I have to achieve. Many things that I must prove. Breaking down, and having a full meltdown, was not an option.

Not yet.

I took several deep breaths and leaned my forehead onto his. One of his hands was slowly rubbing my back giving me the comfort and support I needed. It took a while, but I was able to put all my excess emotions back into the box again. For now, this was the only way for me to function.

I cannot lock or forget all these memories and past emotions. They were the fuel that keeps me going. And I needed them.

"Julie," Duncan whispered.

I opened my eyes and gave the man whose lap I sat on a sad smile. He kissed my forehead and said, "When you are ready to let go, I will be here. I will catch you. I will make sure that you never fall."

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