Capítulo 105: Just purge this life of mine, promptly,please
Yup, still not dead. Thanks though for asking.
Okay, you might not have asked about my fate directly, but I could hardly answer you if the reaper came to visit me.
I was still waiting for our date, yet so far I've only been ghosted by him. The only thing hurting here were my feelings.
Look, I get it Death did not like me after having to work overtime after I killed off my entire novel cast. Okay, we all do mistakes here and there. Why didn't we let bygones be bygones?
It's not like my dearest buddy Death suddenly had a million voice mails on his phone from his crazy ex Gf. Nah, it's hard to leave voice messages when one did not even have a mobile phone here.
I did not slash his tires or keyed his car either. Was asking for my life to be ended swiftly too much?
It could only take so many breaths till asphyxiation would kick in. If only staring into the black void was not so utterly boring. Counting sheep to fall asleep did not help in any shape or capacity either.
10000 woollen bastards later I was still wide awake.
But what could one ask of a coffin? Maybe I should have insisted on installing a big flat screen here and the latest gaming station? How about VR-Goggles─that way I could jump to my premature demise before I perish for real.
Well, all of this did not matter in the end...because none of those existed right here, right now. Much like the fabled "good story" it would not suddenly jump into existence due to my complaining.
For the lack of better wording and motivation; conjuring nothing into something? Unless it was the Big Bang or magic, I ain't having it.
Feel free to bury any of your expectations here with me. Lest one came to find the merry disappointment of yet another novel journey into the all too familiar unknown worlds of Fantasy. Feel free to dig me and your expectations up from the cold, desolate ground should creativity ever rise from the dead.
Else leave me to rot in here till the end of time. My proverbial demise might serve as a good indication that my underground story was indeed very under the ground.
Though enough of the certain future, hopefully it did not concern me in the slightest.
Thinking about the future in general was for people who actually did not want to commit to the act of unliving as soon as possible. To put it mildly, my interest in it was as limited as my dwindeling air supply.
And without it anyone, involved was far better off either way.
Which arguably should have happened quite a long time ago. But, its not like a protagonist was allowed to bite the bullet on their own terms. Thus, I was awaiting whatever stupid terms and conditions I would have to sign in order to finally be no more.
Yet, evidently, the snarky narrator was still happily monologuing and, in fact, not not alive.
For those, whose brain activity would rival the one of mine soon─I was not dead yet. My displeasure was immeasurable and my day was ruined. The outlook was absolutely bleak...yes the pun was absolutely intended.
Despite the dire circumstances...I couldn't miss the chance to kill my readers' brain cells. Before any other harem novel could do them harm I would finish them off for good myself. Least I can do for those brave souls that have reached this point with a semblance of their former selves.
Judging by the last statistics I had seen of this novel it had long died before me. That lucky thing had done the impossible─it ceased to be relevant long before its main character.
The term "relevant" might be a bit of a stretch to describe the peak of its notoriety (there was none), but a handful of people had seen this story and could confirm that it had indeed existed.
I do apologize in advance for all the harm this novel might have caused through its brainless antics. And I apologize in the aftermath for lying just now. If you were still here, you got no one to blame aside from yourself.
It ain't like I could force you to read this plight at gunpoint. Trust me, if that were possible I would have done so ages ago.
Nah, all the lousy protagonist was able to do was wait. Being honourably discharged from all main character duties was the only way one could escape from this nightmare.
Fancily addressing myself in the third person was my way of telling whatever entity responsible for deciding my fate to finally pull the darn trigger and put an end to this misery. Closing this chapter was not THAT hard.
I have carried that darn thing for a hundred chapters now. Alleviate my darn back pain.
Yet, he who screamed into the pitch-black abyss of writing would rarely be heard. Mainly because the letters on the screen could hardly speak for themselves. You see, doing so required the possession of a "mouth" and tongue.
Something impossible to achieve for a novel that had no substance at all.
Okay, since the entity in charge did not want to relieve me of my job....you leave me with no other choice!
"Yo Administrator from this world, could you do the /kill command?"
This was my final measure, there was no other choice but to ask him. Even if that meant listening to the cringiest character I had ever created.
"It shall be done, my Master. Any wish from the supreme, best, ever writer is my command"
Yup, this was a fate far worse than death. This was far more painful...
These last waking moments were a violation of human rights, but the sweet release of death was instantaneous.
"Dearest Master, please enjoy a save voyage to the next destination!!!"
....next? THERE WAS A NEXT?
/Kill
....
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