Capítulo 129: Hidden Truths And Regrets
Yiman led Xinmei to a large and grand room as he said, "This is the room I had arranged for your stay, Your Majesty. I hope it will be to your satisfaction."
Xinmen entered the room and looked around as she said, "Close the door. I have something to discuss with you."
Yiman's brows raised as he quickly gestured the servants behind to leave and closed the doors until he and his mother were alone.
"Yiman…are you still angry at me?" Xinmei asked, though her tone was unusually informal while she walked towards the balcony.
"Mother…" Yiman's expression lost the composure he had before upon hearing her address him in such a endearing way.
However, his heart was brimming with so many emotions as he slowly walked towards her.
He stopped just as he reached near her and said with a trembling gaze, "Why…Why would you ask me that when you know how exactly I feel? 30 years…30 painful years I waited for you even though I hated you for leaving me all alone. This kingdom was never enough for you, was it? You wanted more power…You wouldn't rest until you stood above all and now that you finally do, you returned to play with my feelings again, didn't you?"
Yiman let out a wry scoff, "I must be so pathetic…to still address you as my mother…to still think you care about me. Or maybe you are enjoying this…I never can guess what you are thinking," Yiman poured out 30 years worth of emotions he had been holding in.
He was expecting her to act indifferent despite hearing all this. She might have been a loving mother to him once but she has been cold to him ever since he turned 17 and left him shortly after.
Yet, even now he wanted to embrace her and the soul melting fragrance from her goddess like body still made his heart skip a beat.
But the pain, sadness and anger of all these decades was suffocating him from within.
Xinmei slowly turned, her alluring silver eyes looking at him with the same coldness yet with a hint of regret and pain, "My son…" She spoke, "Everything I did…I did for your sake."
Yiman's eyes quivered as he shook his head and said in a trembling voice, "No…Don't you make this about me. You abandoned me when I needed you most. You gave up on me, on our kingdom to seek more power for yourself. At some point…You stopped being the mother who loved and protected me."
Xinmei wistfully smiled as her gaze softened, "You have every reason to hate me and I don't expect you to forgive me. But I want to finally tell you the truth behind my actions."
"What truth?" Yiman said as he gazed intensely into her eyes.
"You already know your father was a bastard who never cared about us and only invited trouble to our kingdom," Xinmei said as her expression turned cold and resentful for a second.
Yiman's expression also hardened as ugly memories flooded his mind where he suffered under his father while his mother always tried to protect him.
Those were days he wished to forget but never could.
"I know you think your father died in a battle but he didn't. He was assassinated by the previous emperor," Xinmei revealed with a serious look.
Yiman's brows raised as he mumbled with a look of disbelief, "The previous emperor, Zheng? That fucking bastard you remarried? So did you two plan it or something?"
Xinmei let out a cold scoff as she shook her head, "At that time I was a weak woman who would never have the courage to take part in something bold like that. Zheng only had your father killed because he took a fancy to me and wanted me for himself."
Xinmei wistfully smiled as she continued, "I only came to know about it after when he said he wanted to make me one of his high ranking concubines. I obviously refused but then he showed his true colors and said he would destroy our kingdom and…" Xinmei looked at Yiman with a pained look as she added, "...make you suffer if I refused."
"What??" Yiman felt his heart clench as he clenched his fists.
"But if I agreed he said he would make sure our kingdom would rise while letting you rise in power as well. That is the only reason I had to leave you and not because I wanted to, son," Xinmei said as she softly smiled.
"No…why didn't you tell me this at that time?!" Yiman asked in a fit of anger and pain.
"Because I knew the only way to make sure you would focus on getting stronger would be to make you hate me rather than let you succumb to sadness for losing me. It was the most painful decision I had to make in my life and not a day goes by where my actions still haunt me and where I didn't dream of seeing you again," Xinmei said as she gently cupped his face.
"Mother…" Yiman felt his eyes becoming warm as he held his mother's hand, feeling his heart melt at the warmth of her skin.
He could see the pain in her eyes and it mirrored the exact same pain he had been feeling.
He never knew his mother was so heavily burdened and did everything for his sake while all he did was hate her.
He suddenly felt a wave of guilt and regret washing over him as he fell to his knees, tears streaming down his eyes as he cupped both her hands and rest his head against her stomach, "Mother…I am so sorry…I never knew you suffered so much for my sake. I wish I could kill that bastard for you," Yiman said, his eyes reddened and glowing with a feverish light.
Xinmei shook her head and cupped his face as she coldly smiled and said, "There is no need for that, my son. I poisoned that bastard to death so that I could return to you while making sure nobody else can harm us ever again. I promise you…I won't let anyone bring me away from you," Xinmei said with a look of motherly love as she hugged his head.
"Oh mother I love you so much…" Yiman passionately said as his face buried into her dress, feeling the softness of her skin as he embraced her.
He thought he could only dream of touching her again but here she was…returning from all kinds of hell to be with him.
He cursed himself for losing faith in his mother and questioning her love for him.
But now that she was back he wasn't going to let her away from his sight.
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