Capítulo 35: Fate in a Nutshell part II.
Sorry for the late post, I was writing this while watching Aether x Venti stuff.
Seriously, one guy came in and gave me a lecture on pokemon po*n and I became a furry, and now my D is confused because of traps. What's next necrophilia... Please don't.
Anyways, enjoy the chapter.
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"Is there a Universe where out there, where you can summon historical beings to fight over a cup that is a cheap imitation of the genie lamp because it grants only 1 wish..? Oh, there is. It's the Nasuverse,
"Is there a Universe out there where you can kill yourself and live to tell the tale? Which, by the way, makes no sense at all... Oh, there is. It's the Nasuverse,
"Is there a Universe out there where Thomas Edison is a big furry lion?"
"I am not a furry." A distant voice was silenced by a loud boom sound.
"There is, and it's the f**king Nasuverse... again."
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"Now, before we continue, I will answer the question about why you are all here. Basically, I am here to explain to you your own universe, and if you didn't get it by the previous three lines," Satoru said, looking at the people in the audience.
The servants looked at each other.
"So, here is the reason why I am doing this... So that you can feel my pain." Satoru said, moving around the stage, then changing his mind, "No, scratch that. So that you can feel 'OUR' pain."
"Now, before I continue, here are some things you need to consider. A series is basically a bunch of different timelines that come from the same base world but are different because history happened.
"Canon is referred to as a timeline that diverges directly from the base world,
"The name of your universe is fate or the fateverse or the Nasuverse,
"And for this lecture from hell itself, I will be cosplaying as the second strongest servant in all of fate."
Hearing the word,' second strongest servant', everyone diverted their full attention to Satoru.
"Steve Footjobs."
"Pft!!" Some snickers went by around the stage.
"Why is he the second strongest, you may be thinking?"
'Yeah, why?'
"Well, because the strongest Steve Handjobs was taken by Gigguk."
(A/N: The real name of the man is Steve Jobs. Awkward, I know).
"So at the start of everything Kinoko Nasu, aka gender-bender over 9000, created time and space, or the fateverse, as you know it." Satoru began, "You also know him as Akasha."
'Wait, what do you mean that this guy, Nasu, is Akasha?' Most wondered.
"What is Akasha? For the not so knowledgeable people out there,"
Everyone glanced at Shirou and the two Chaldean Masters who were sweating from their gazes.
"You see, Akasha is this metaphysical place that exists outside of time and dimension and is the source of all events, all the souls, and all the timelines, and, yes, I am using big words to make myself sound smart,
"Basically, everything that's ever happened is going to happen, and everyone you know, you can thank Akasha for it."
"Humanity as a whole. Thanks Akasha,
"The Chad himself, Hitler and his lessons on mass genocide. Thanks Akasha,
"The one class you thought you had a silent fart, but ripped out a big one. The one that everyone heard and stared at you and your brain still reminds you about it every time you are about to sleep... F**k you, Akasha." Satoru said while he was audibly getting pissed off.
"This is important because the end goal of most, if not all, mages in the Nasuverse is to reach the Root of Akasha."
"But, Satoru, why does every mage want to reach the Root of Akasha?" Satoru said, using a fake voice, "Well, I am glad you asked a probably confused person... I really hope you're not confused right now. This is just the beginning."
Satoru smiled.
"Well, this would be a good time to talk about the magic system of the Nasuverse because, as we all know in this universe, mages exist and use magecraft aka magic... right? Wrong... incorrect... erroneous... mistaken... I can't think of any more words off the top of my head.
"No, no, no, no, you got 'magecraft', the weak source imitation butter, and then you got the chad true magic. This is the kind of s#it mages want to use. The s#it Gordon Ramsay would have a taste of go: Finally, some good f**king magic."
"Hey, Da Vinci-chan, do you know who this Ramsay guy is? He sounds like a great mage." Both Gudao and Gudako questioned.
Da Vinci just shook her head at their question. She didn't recognize any magician named Gordon Ramsay.
"But this premium s#it can only be used by someone who has viewed Akasha. Once someone gets this magic, the specific Root to Akasha is cut off. Then the magic can only be used by direct descendants of that original mage, or in weeb terms, go to ROB, get a cheat, and do s#it. Typical Isekai storyline type of thing."
"I see, so he is one of them, but is he also one of us," whispered Edward Teach aka Blackbeard, and got choked by Drake shortly afterwards.
"So, what is stopping mages from reaching this mythical place called the Root of Akasha? Well, you have this thing called 'The Counter Force', which stops the earth from going boom boom bakudan, because the planet has a will, and is alive, and don't worry about it."
Satoru pauses for a moment and continues shortly after,
"The Counter force is made up of two parts, the collective unconscious will of humanity itself to survive Alaya, and the will of the planet itself, Gaia... online.
"Why is this important? Because the Counter Force has a powerful defense mechanism which enables it to summon Heroic Spirits earth's history in order to defend itself, which we call servants... sound familiar?" He looked around the room,
"If you are already confused, don't worry. I have got you covered because I have never understood the Nasuverse myself either, and I don't plan to even try. F**k lore, f**k the power system, which is complicated as hell, and most of all, f**k the wiki and fandom."
"All you need to know is which servant to masturbate to and which servant to masturbate to while being gay, that's all."
"But if you still wanna try, then I shall bestow upon you the words that are placed in the highest esteem of the fate fandom and will help you understand the fate series. Said words being..."
Every Casters' interest was piqued. Being able to understand the universe with just a few words is the wettest wet dream of most scientists. They were on the edge of their seats.
*Epic Drumroll*
"Don't worry about it." He said with a huge smile.
*Badum tss*
"""Huh?"""
"Why is everybody from the 5th Holy Grail War sharing a nice wholesome meal instead of trying to kill each other to death? Don't worry about it.
"Why is a guy a girl and is super hot for some reason? Don't worry about it.
"What is the moon? Don't worry about it~... Seriously, don't worry about it, I am not gonna explain the MOON!!!."
'What's wrong with the moon?' Everyone wondered.
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One mental breakdown later...
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"I am back. Hope you enjoyed watching Jojo. Now we can finally get to the timeline... Oh, god we haven't even started the timeline yet. I am seriously gonna have another mental breakdown."
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Hello there fellow degenerates. Sorry for the late chappy.
UwUami was gone on a date, that lucky bastard.
So this chap was delayed, also because I was busy writing the other FF, I am gonna post about 5 to 6 chapter in one go covering Fate/Zero then gonna move on to Fate/Stay Night.
If you have any new fetishes for me to try out, please comment them here.
Also give me thou Power stones.
Credits to UwUami for proofreading and editing.
Credits to Gigguk as the enitre Chpater was based on his video, Badly explaining ENITRE Fate series in 30 minutes. But I have added many of my jokes as well, so yeah.
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