Capítulo 13: (13)Who was this lady?
After a brief conversation, they discovered the woman was fleeing from a group of males who were pursuing her. She had spent her entire life as a young miss in the city, and she knew a great deal. When her family relocated due to the rebellion, she was briefly separated from them and was caught by men with nefarious motives.
She had managed to flee and swiftly warn her family, but she was apprehended and has been on the run ever since. When the woman finally admitted what had happened, she was in tears.
Shocked and a little taken aback Qin Feng subconsciously extended his hand to touch and reassure the woman. She was surprised and reacted by moving away.
For a brief while, Qin Feng was frozen, only to realize later that it was because he was a man. Nobody wants to be touched by a random man, especially after what she had witnessed and gone through. He stepped back and made a gesture toward the older woman sitting next to him.
"Excuse me, she'll be taking care of you."
And he raced out, his odd feelings were suppressed.
He stared at his hands, which were pale and wide. His hands looked nothing like what they used to look like. He body was nothing like what it used to be.He life was nothing like what it used to be. It was like the woman's one reaction had set off a catalyst of searing emotions.
He didn't want to be here, he wanted to see his home, he wanted to see his co-workers again. He wanted his stable job and that new promotion. He wanted his warm bed, clean water, air conditioning, easy transport.
Why was he here? Why was he the one that was transported here? His frozen figure stumbled and suddenly he felt like his lungs might just burst. His sudden emotional explosion had completely stunned his brain's rational thinking. His thoughts spiraled and he couldn't control the feeling of being trapped. Trapped in a fate he never wanted, tossed around without care by some greater force.
The oxygen he inhaled suddenly wasn't enough, he felt he needed to leave, go anywhere but here. Somewhere in his brain he realized something about himself was wrong, his state wasn't right. But the suppressed stress, anger, loneliness, and overwhelming fear after being thrust into a new environment with danger all around made it so he couldn't control his body.
Spurred by this anxiety that came seemingly from nowhere he moved quickly through the streets towards the only place he knew it would be silent. The river.
His heart felt like it had been clenched by a hand. His mind felt dizzy and his breaths came in gasps. Approaching the river he broke into a stumbling run through the underbrush and tall trees, arriving there he collapsed. He couldn't even let out a moan of grief. His whole body was in a state of being overwhelmed.
…
He buried his face in his hands and curled his legs to his chest. Tears dropped from his eyes but he couldn't manage to properly cry. Part of him was still suppressing his emotions. But as he lay there his mind began to relax. Nobody was near him, nobody would judge him. Loneliness was hard sometimes and other times it felt like a blessing.
…
Slowly his senses return and he feel the prickly grass beneath him. Turning his body he stared up at the towering trees and their leafy branches. The dappled lightning that he loved so much was cast over his sprawled out body.
Nature surrounded him and the birds chirped in the trees. His body unconscious tremors calmed. In a daze his mind emptied and exhaustion was left in its place. He was so exhausted, the emotional turmoil really took a toll on him. The emotions that he had suppressed when he found he had transmigrated had settled beneath his skin but never really left.
Leaving the protagonist made him realize his insecurity. Without a stable place to turn his emotions to he tried to ignore them and continue his life on his own. But the woman in the medical rooms rejection reminded him that he was no longer who he used to be, and this wake up call was even greater than seeing a man's body when he first arrived.
Although he enjoyed a man's body somewhere inside him he hadn't changed the way his brain really worked, and still considered himself a woman. But the woman's rejection was a harsh slap in the face by reality. When that settled in he realized all his negative emotions all at once. Resulting in his present situation.
…
His blue robes were crumpled and his hair was in disarray. Staring at the blue sky peeking out from the leaves coverage he exhaled softly. When his mind returned to him he immediately thought of the patient he had left alone. He needed to return.
When he arrived at the medical gates and entered the old woman was still conversing with the woman. Approaching the door he stood quietly and then turned and left. Tidying his appearance his stared at himself in the mirror. Looking at his different face and flat chest he wanted to cry. It wasn't that he disliked his body or wanted to become a girl again, no in fact after he calmed down he realized he quiet liked his new body.
It was simply the fact that seeing this different face and body was a constant reminder that he was no longer able to return to the world and place he truly considered home. Ever.
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