Capítulo 30: And that’s how Yui Yuigahama decided to study. ( 2)
The clubroom was on the fourth floor of the special-use building, on the east
side, looking out over the grounds below. Through the open window wafted
the music of youth. The calls of boys and girls avidly engaging in their after-
school activities echoed among the trees, mixing with the sounds of metal
bats ringing out and high-pitched whistles. Clarinets and trumpets from the
brass band joined in to create a beauteous melody.
And what were we, the Service Club, doing with that wonderful youth
BGM behind us? Well, nothing. I was reading a shoujo mangI'd borrowed
from my sister, Yukinoshita's eyes were pointed down at a paperback with a
leather book cover over it, and Yuigahama was idly clacking away on her cell
phone. As usual, we were failing at youth.
Most clubs probably waste time like this.
Our school's rugby team's
clubroom had apparently been transformed into amah-jongg parlor, and they
usually played a half round before and a half round after practice. And then
the next morning, you'd catch sight of the rugby club members arguing over rugby money. (This was the currency circulated solely among the rugby club.
It was absolutely not cash. Its characteristic trait was that it looked very much
like Japanese yen.) From what I could tell, they were just playing mah-jongg
in the clubroom, but from their perspective it was a legitimate form of communication and an important part of their youth experience.
How many of them actually knew how to play mah-jongg in the first
place, though? I was sure that few among them had endlessly played
Shanghai and strip mah-jongg at the ACE by Tsudanuma like I had. They
must have studied the game and learned the rules to fit in with the rest of the
club. By the way, Shanghai is a game that uses mah-jongg tiles, but the rules
are completely different from those of mah-jongg. In other words, strip mah-
jongg is the only way to learn the rules. I can get serious about these things if
it's for boobs.
Having a common language like that is essential for making friends. Yui
Yuigahama used to be the archetype of this model. I considered this as I got
to the "morning after" scene in my shoujo manga and closed the book,
turning my attention to Yuigahama. I saw she had her cell phone in one hand
and an ambiguous smile on her face. She was sighing so faintly no one could
hear her, and yet I could see it was very deep. Though I couldn't hear the air
coming out of her mouth, her chest rose and fell visibly.
"What's wrong?" The question came not from me but Yukinoshita.
Though her gaze had not moved from her paperback, she had apparently
noticed that Yuigahama was acting strangely. Or perhaps she'd heard the
sigh. I'd expected no less from Devilman, whose devil ears could hear all the
way to hell.
"Oh, uh…it's nothing. I just got a kinda weird text, so I was just like,
whoa!"
"Hikigaya, if you don't want this to turn into a lawsuit, then stop sending
her those obscene texts." She just assumed the content was some form of
sexual harassment, plus s
he was treating me like the criminal.
"It wasn't me. Where's the proof that I did it? Give me proof. Proof!" I
demanded.
Yukinoshita, looking triumphant, swept her hair off her shoulders. "Your
statement is proof enough. Only the perpetrator would say something like
that. 'Where's the proof it was me?' Or 'Amazing deduction. You should be
a novelist.' Or 'I couldn't stay in the same room as a murderer.'"
"That last line is more like something a victim would say." That was an
obvious signal that someone was going to die.
"Is that so?" Yukinoshita replied, tilting her head as she flipped through
her paperback. Apparently, she was reading a mystery novel.
"I don't think Hikki's the culprit, though," Yuigahama offered belatedly.
Yukinoshita's hand ceased flipping through her paperback. Her eyes
asked, And where's your proof? Come on, did she want me to be the perpetrator that badly?
"Hmm, I dunno, but, like…the e-mail is about our class. So…I don't think
it's anything Hikki would be involved in."
"I'm in your class, though."
"I see. Then Hikigaya isn't the culprit."
"You're accepting that as proof?!" Hello, I'm Hachiman Hikigaya, Class
2-F. Yukinoshita hurt me so badly that I introduced myself in my head. But
at least this way, she wouldn't be treating me like a criminal, so I figured I'd
leave it at that.
"Well, this sort of thing happens sometimes. I'm not gonna let it bother
me," Yuigahama said, snapping her phone shut. The way she did it made it
seem like she was putting a lid over her heart. It had that sort of weight to it.
She'd said, This sort of thing happens sometimes, but just so you know, I'd
never gotten any messages like that. Isn't it great, having no friends?
Seriously, though, people who have lots of friends always have to deal with
that sort of sordid business. It seems really rough.
When it came to our class,
I wasn't bound by any of those hardships smeared in the disgraces of earthly
life. From a Buddhist perspective, I'm a legit Siddhartha. I'm high up there.
Yuigahama didn't touch her phone after that. I could only guess as to the
content of the message, but it probably wasn't anything pleasant. Plus,
Yuigahama was an airhead, a guileless dork, and the kind of bleeding heart
who'd waste concern on me and Yukinoshita, so she was probably
tormenting herself over weird stuff, anyway.
Yuigahama leaned back in her chair and stretched up high as if she were
trying to forcibly shake it off. "I'm bored." Her time-wasting item of choice,
her cell phone, now stowed away, Yuigahama leisurely leaned way back in
her chair. That really emphasized her chest, making me embarrassed to look
at her, so I was forced to turn my attention to Yukinoshita's chest instead, as
hers had nothing to be embarrassed over.
Yukinoshita, with her safe-and-sound, flat-as-a-board chest, closed her book and admonished Yuigahama. "If
you have nothing to do, then why don't you study? There's not much time
until midterm exams."
Despite her warning, Yukinoshita didn't appear anxious about the
deadline herself. She'd said it like it had absolutely nothing to do with her.
But that was only natural; to Yukinoshita, midterms were mere routine. She
was generally the kind of girl who would rank top in her year in any test
worthy of the name. She wouldn't be rattled by a mere midterm at this point.
Yuigahama apparently knew that, as she averted her eyes petulantly and
somewhat awkwardly, muttering through her barely open mouth: "What's the
point of studying or whatever? We'll never use it after graduation, anyway."
"There it is—the dunce's cliché." Her reply had been so very, very
predictable that it went the other way and ended up actually being surprising.
Is she seriously for real? Are there still high school students these days who
say stuff like that?
Even more petulant now having been called a dunce, Yuigahama leaped
to a counterargument.
"There really is no point, though! We won't be in high
school for very long, so it's a waste to spend our time on that stuff! YOLO,
right?!"
"Yeah, you only get one chance, and that's exactly why you're not
allowed to fail."
"You're so negative!"
"I prefer to say I hedge my risks."
"You're failing in every aspect of your life in high school, though,"
Yukinoshita remarked.
That was true. I'd completely failed to hedge anything. Wait, seriously?
Had this game of life come to an end, my king piece backed into a corner? In
English, that's called check out, right? What was this, a hotel? "But, like, I'm
not failing… My life is just a little different. I'm quirky! We're all different,
and we're all good!"
"Y-yeah! Quirky! Being bad at studying is a quirk, too!" said Yuigahama.
There it was—the two of us had gotten together to bring up cliché of the
dunces number two. Yeah, the word quirky really was convenient…
"Misuzu Kaneko would probably be angry to hear that." Yukinoshita put
her hand to her forehead and sighed. "Yuigahama, you just said that there's
no point in studying, but that's not true. Studying is about finding that meaning yourself. I'm sure everyone has his or her own reasons for studying,
but nevertheless, you cannot deny the validity of all study."
Indubitably correct reasoning. Or perhaps I should say, the insincere
rationale of an adult. That's why that reasoning only starts making sense to
you once you're grown up. It's the kind of explanation that arises only when
an adult is looking back on the past, wondering why on earth they had to
study back then. And that's why people still in the process of becoming
adults refuse to accept it.
Yukinoshita was probably the only teenager who'd
arrived at that conclusion on her own, sincerely believing what she'd just said
with no affectation whatsoever.
"You're fine 'cause you're smart, Yukinon, but…I'm no good at studying,
and no one else in class is doing it, either…" Yuigahama trailed off quietly.
Yukinoshita's eyes narrowed abruptly. There was a silence as if the
temperature had suddenly plummeted, and Yuigahama, only just realizing
what she'd said, snapped her mouth shut. Apparently, she remembered
Yukinoshita being sharp with her about that sort of thing before.
She backpedaled with all her might.
"B-but I am gonna study! Which
reminds me! Are you studying, Hikki?!" Oh-ho! She deflected it before
Yukinoshita got mad at her. It seemed she was plotting to escape Yukinoshita's ire by directing it my way instead. But too bad for her.
"I'm studying."
"This is betrayal! I thought you were my fellow dunce-in-arms!!"
"That's rude… I'm ranked third in our year in Japanese, you know. And
I'm not bad in other humanities, either."
"No way… I had no idea…"
By the way, at our school, they didn't post test results for all to see. They
just quietly handed back test results and rankings to each individual student.
So student rankings circulated through hearsay, but having no one with
whom to share my grades, nobody knew my ranking. Nobody even asked me
about my ranking or whatever in the first place. Nobody asked me about
anything else, either, of course.
"A-are you actually smart, Hikki?"
"Not very," said Yukinoshita.
"Why'd you answer that?" I complained. Well, maybe compared to
Yukinoshita, my scores were a little lacking, but if you had to call them either
good or bad, they were on the good side. That was why within this cluster, Yuigahama was far and away the dumbest.
"Ugh. I can't believe I've gotta play the dumb one of the group."
"Don't say that, Yuigahama." Though Yukinoshita's tone was cool, there
was warmth in her expression and the clear color of conviction in her eyes.
Yuigahama immediately brightened. "Y-Yukinon!"
"You're not playing dumb. You're genuinely that stupid."
"Wahhh!" Yuigahama flailed her fists against Yukinoshita's chest.
Yukinoshita sighed as she sat there and took it with an expression that
said she found all of this utterly irksome.
"What I'm saying is that it's stupid
to measure the value of an individual through things like exam scores or
rankings. Some people with good grades are actually remarkably inferior
human beings."
"Hey, why are you looking at me now?" They weren't just glancing at me.
They were glaring hard. "For your information, I do it because I like
studying, okay?"
"Oh?" Yuigahama was surprised.
"You've nothing to do except study, huh?" Yukinoshita added the self-
evident commentary, as usual.
My face twitched involuntarily. "Well, yeah, just like you."
"I won't deny that."
"You should deny it! You're making me sad!" Though Yukinoshita was
composed, Yuigahama's voice was full of heartrending empathy. Apparently,
she'd given Yukinoshita's emotional wounds a lot of deep thought, because
she flung her arms around her friend.
Yuigahama squeezed Yukinoshita tight, oblivious to her "This is stifling"
remark and her put-upon expression.
Hey! Me too, me too! I don't have anything to do but study, either! Why
don't I get any outflung arms or squeezes? Well, I'd feel uncomfortable if I
did get any, though.
But that's the thing. I wonder why normies get so touchy-feely. It's like
physical intimacy is natural for them, or like…Are you American or what?
Whacking someone upside the head when you're fooling around or hugging
them when something happens… I think that kind of behavior is really cool.
People like that are so emotionally open, if they were to pilot an Eva, they
wouldn't even be able to activate an AT field.
Yuigahama held Yukinoshita's head and stroked it, casually remarking,
"But, like, it's kind of surprising that you study so hard."
"Well, everyone else is studying right now, too, if they want to go on to
university, right? And once summer vacation starts, some people will even
take summer classes."
Chiba City Municipal Soubu High School was geared toward students
who wanted to go to university, so the percentage of students who proceeded
to post-secondary education was fairly high.
Those on the ball should already have been considering university
entrance exams by the summer of their second year. This was around the time
when they'd start working out whether to attend Sazemi in Tsudanuma,
Kawai University Prep School, or Toushin on the Inage coast.
"Plus, you know. I'd like to be a sukoraashippu student in prep school, as
they say in English."
"What? You want to be sukurappu? Like scrap material?" Yuigahama
was baffled.
"If that's what you're aiming for, you don't have to work at it—you're
doing fine right now," said Yukinoshita. "You're something like living
industrial waste, aren't you?"
"Whoa, Yukinoshita. You're being so nice today. I would have expected
you to deny that I'm even alive."
"It's refreshing to see you being so self-deprecating." Yukinoshita pressed
her temple, her expression pained.
"Hey, hey, what's a sukurappu?" So Yuigahama didn't even know what
scrap meant, and that was why she'd failed to follow the conversation. What,
for real, Yuigahama-san?
"A sukoraashippu is like shougakukin—a scholarship," explained
Yukinoshita.
"Prep schools these days waive tuition for students with good grades. In
other words, I'd get a scholarship plus the tuition money from my parents, so
I could just pocket all of the latter." I'd jumped for joy when I came up with
that idea. I'd even started break-dancing in my room and weirded out my
sister. I'm more motivated in my studies when I have a clear goal in mind,
and my parents would rest easy if they got results appropriate to the sum
they'd invested. Meanwhile, I'd have some money for myself. It was a
brilliant plan.
Both girls seemed dubious about my plan.
"That's fraud…," said Yuigahama.
"At the end of the day, the studying still gets done, so you can't say that
his parents are wasting their money. For the prep school, it's just another
scholarship enrollment, so there's no problem for them, either. The fact that it
can't definitively be categorized as fraud is what makes this boy so vicious."
I'm being totally slandered here. Wh-what's the problem? I'm just telling
a victimless fib.
"University, huh…?" Yuigahama mumbled as she glanced in my
direction, then grabbed Yukinoshita's sleeve as tightly as she could.
That strength of her grip must have surprised Yukinoshita, who peered at
Yuigahama's face with mild concern. "What is it?"
"Oh, no. It's nothing… Or maybe it isn't… I was just sort of thinking,
since the two of you are smart, once we graduate, we probably won't get to
see each other." Yuigahama laughed as if to cover her unease.
"Indeed… I'll most certainly never see Hikigaya again."
Yukinoshita delivered this declaration with a slight smile, but I just
shrugged my shoulders in silence. My lack of retort apparently inspiring
suspicion in Yukinoshita, she flung her gaze at me askance.
I've got nothing. You're probably right, Yukinoshita.
There are people like that. They'll pick a high school that no one from
their middle school is going to, study like mad, and then manage to pass the
entrance exams to get into one of the leading academic high schools in the
prefecture. They just throw away the past and decide never to see their
classmates again. Some people really are like that, so Yuigahama's fears
were undeniably legitimate.
Friendships can only be maintained when people are affiliated with the
same group and in constant communication with one another. People are
dependent upon situations like school to gradually fertilize their relationships.
So when they're torn out of these scenarios, people always end up alone.
Then your only means of contact become phone calls or e-mail—or you just
lose touch altogether. And people call that friendship? I'm sure they do.
That's why everyone leaves it all to their cell phones and takes the number of
registered names in their contact lists to be equivalent to their number of
friends.
Yuigahama squeezed her cell phone as she smiled at Yukinoshita. "But we have our phones, so that won't happen, right? We can contact each other
anytime."
"I'd still like you to stop e-mailing me every day."
"Huh?! Y-you don't like it…?"
"It is occasionally extremely bothersome."
"Aw, you're always so honest!"
These two are sure close. But since when are they e-mailing each other? I
just can't imagine Yukinoshita doing that. "You're e-mailing her every day?
What do you even say to each other?"
"Um… Like, 'I had cream puffs today! '"
"Like, 'Oh.'"
"Like, 'Can you make cream puffs, Yukinon?! I want to try some other
sweets later!'"
"Like, 'Understood.'"
"Yukinoshita, your replies are offensively short."
"Adding any additional information would be unnecessary," Yukinoshita
said in a dissatisfied tone, jerking her attention away. What was sad was that
I got how she felt. No, really. How do you reply to that kind of small talk?
They say the bedrock of conversation is talking about the weather, but then
you just go, It's sunny, huh? and respond, Yes, it is, and then it ends. That's
way worse than a mere un ange passe, tee-hee, when there's an awkward
silence over the phone.
"Cell phones, huh…? They aren't that reliable. They're quite the
imperfect method of communication, in my opinion," I said. I believe a cell
phone is merely a device that allows you to lonerize yourself even faster.
Even if someone does call you, you can just let it ring or refuse the call, and
you can just ignore texts. You can decide to accept or reject relationships
with no repercussions and are able to turn on or off interactions as you please.
"Indeed. It's all up to the receiver whether or not to return e-mails or
answer calls." Yukinoshita nodded at my casual observation. This was
Yukinoshita, whose looks were the only nice thing about her. I bet lots of
people had asked for her e-mail or phone number.
Even I had screwed up my courage once and asked a cute girl for her
number. It was back when I was an innocent boy in middle school. She told
me, "Sorry, my battery's dead. I'll send you an e-mail later." As I hadn't
given her my e-mail address, it was a mystery how she could message me.
I'm still waiting for it even now…
"Not to mention that I just ignore unwanted messages, anyway,"
Yukinoshita added with a sigh.
"Hmm?" Yuigahama put her index finger to her chin, tilting her head.
"So…that means my messages aren't unwanted?"
"I didn't say they're unwanted. They're just onerous." Yukinoshita
flushed red and quietly turned away from Yuigahama, who was peering at her
face intently. It was a rather cute reaction, but as I wasn't a part of any of
that, I didn't give a damn.
When Yuigahama saw her blush, she screeched and glomped Yukinoshita.
Captive to Yuigahama's tender mercies, Yukinoshita looked away, her
expression a picture of sullen displeasure. But I wasn't a part of any of that,
so I didn't give a damn.
"I get it—cell phones aren't perfect, are they?" Yuigahama clutched
Yukinoshita tightly, as if fully realizing just how fragile that connection was.
"Maybe…I'll study for real… It'd be great if we could go to the same
university," she whispered quietly, dropping her gaze to the floor. "Have you
decided on a school, Yukinon?"
"No, not a specific school yet. I'm aiming for a national public science
university, though."
"Sounds like something a smart person would say! So…so wh-what about
you, Hikki? J-just since we're talking about this."
"I'm going for private arts."
"That sounds like a place I might be able to get into!" The smile returned
to Yuigahama's face. Hey, what's with that reaction?
"Just so you know, private arts doesn't mean stupid. Apologize to all the
private arts students in the country. And you're way stupider than me,
anyway."
"Ugh… I-I'm gonna try my best, okay?!" Releasing Yukinoshita,
Yuigahama announced her resolution loudly. "So, anyway. That means we're
gonna start studying together this week."
"How does it mean that?" Yukinoshita expressed her doubt.
"The week leading up to the test, there's no club time, and we're not
doing anything in the afternoons, right? Oh, this week, Tuesday is a Pro-D,
and there's no club time, so that might be good." Completely ignoring
Yukinoshita, Yuigahama briskly set about planning their schedule.
But man, I hadn't heard the term Pro-D since middle school. Pro-D
referred to Professional Development days, and because all the teachers had
to participate, classes got shortened, and club time and stuff got canceled.
Well, it wasn't like I didn't understand her plan. It must have been quite
reassuring for her, having the two of us around—Yukinoshita, ranked first in
our grade and aiming for a public science institution, and me, boasting third
in Japanese among our peers. Plus, I had a stupid little sister, so I thought I
could teach pretty okay. My sister just didn't get results because she was
stupid.
The only problem was that I had no desire to assist Yuigahama. What
didn't I like about the idea? The part I disliked most was losing my personal
time. I'm the kind of guy who even refuses to go to the athletic festival after
party. I-it's not because I don't get invited! Time is a finite resource, and it
pains me to spare any on someone else's behalf.
"Uh…" How should I refuse? As I pondered the question, the
conversation proceeded without me.
"So are you okay with the Saize in Purena?" asked Yuigahama.
"I don't really care," Yukinoshita replied.
"Yuigahama, um, like…" If I didn't say something fast, it'd be a done
deal! But the moment I decided on a flat refusal, that avenue was cut off.
"This is the first time the two of us have gone out together, Yukinon!"
"Is that so?"
Oh.
I hadn't been invited in the first place.
"Did you say something, Hikki?"
"No… You two study hard."
Studying alone is more efficient, anyway! …I'm not gonna let you guys
beat me.
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