Capítulo 54: Working Through Feelings
"Show me your latest drawings, Kyrie: I haven't seen your notebook for over two months now."
Kyrie looked up from her spot at the edge of Renard's work area; she'd been making it more of a point to come out here in the evenings when Isaac was gone, and it had been nice getting back in this rhythm that she'd had with Renard for those first few weeks that Isaac was gone. Renard couldn't really hide that exhaustion and weird melancholy that she'd picked up on the first time though. He was doing a lot better after she came out to talk with him that first time, but that didn't mean his feelings were just going to disappear overnight. She wasn't sure if looking at her pictures would really help though… some of her drawings depicted wild imaginings of worst case scenarios of both the attack on Mae and Mae and Jiera spending so much time in the castle. They weren't exactly pleasant to look at and might make him feel more of that impotent rage.
Still… She also wanted him to go through her drawings because she really valued Renard's input. As much as Kyrie loved showing her drawings to Isaac, he just couldn't talk to her about the art itself. Renard though... He could see it and find what could be improved, what could be explored... It was exciting even despite how revealing it was. Though, that was a pretty good summary of her entire relationship with Renard all things considered.
Not wanting to keep Renard waiting for too long, she put her charcoal away and moved over to him, sitting next to him and passing him the book so that he could work backwards from the drawing she was currently working on. The current one was unfinished, but it was a piece that was centered on Renard doing his garden work.
Renard pulled Kyrie into his lap instead of just taking the book, and soon his hands were replacing hers as he began to look through the notebook with her also able to easily witness what he was seeing. Her most recent pictures were both pretty tame and generally had positive feelings to them: a lot of them were of the menagerie, both the plants and the animals, but there were some of the other household members going about their daily lives. As he went back the pictures got darker though. The start of this trend was in some pictures of horrible imaginings of things that could go wrong while Isaac and the two ladies were at the castle. Before that there were more pictures of the household members going about their daily lives, but the feelings behind them were radically different. More worried, tense, upset... The negative feelings just got worse and worse until pictures of the night of the attack showed up. Kyrie had drawn images of how all of them had reacted when they walked into the room, but she also had a couple pages of what the actual attack might've looked like. The realism and emotion with which she drew these pictures sent a chill down Renard's spine, and he had to forcibly push down his own feelings that the drawings were beginning to dredge up.
Instead of moving on, Renard paused here, and Kyrie's eyes settled on the drawings, an almost sad expression on her face as she stared in silence. These pictures were ones that she both liked and hated. They had helped immensely when she was spending so much time thinking about it: putting the images in her brain onto paper had been almost therapeutic for her. Yet, the attack itself just wasn't something she liked to think about. For the most part, the Dandridge slaves were in an insulated bubble, one where life was good and they remained fairly unaffected by the miseries of the world. The attack had been a reminder that the world continued on and that occasionally it did pierce even the thick protection that Mae had.
"Did this help?"
The sound of Renard's voice drew Kyrie out of her own reflection, and she looked back at him to see that his eyes were fixed on the page still; his brow was slightly furrowed and he was gently tracing the lines with his fingers, careful not to smear the charcoal. He may have tried to hide it, but Kyrie could see that strange emotion that she'd picked up on all over his features now, and she was soon looking back down to the pages herself, feeling like she was witnessing something she shouldn't again. He wasn't overtly asking for help, but Kyrie knew that's what he was looking for, and she wanted to do her best to try and help him even if ultimately what he was struggling with was entirely internal.
In an effort to try and comfort, Kyrie let her hand rest gently on Renard's as he continued to trace the shapes. When she did this with him, it made her feel like she was in the process of drawing them again, and getting that feeling helped her formulate a response.
"Yes... On one hand it felt awful to do, because I had to channel the fear and worries I had to draw it, but once it was finished it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I won't say that the worry completely disappeared, but drawing whatever my mind came up with helped to get them out of my head."
Renard didn't really say anything in response to Kyrie, he just let out a soft hum before shifting his hand a little so that his fingers were lacing with hers. His grip on her hand was surprisingly tight, and she winced slightly but otherwise didn't make a big deal of it. It felt like he wanted just a bit of support right now, and while Kyrie was sure that Vivian would love to be the one to do this for Renard, the fact of the matter was that he had opened up like this with Kyrie, not Vivian.
"Perhaps I'll have to try something like that of my own."
It was clear that he was shifting away from such serious thoughts, because he leaned in to kiss the side of her face, causing Kyrie to flinch a little from his quick recovery. He wasn't spending too much time with her though, because he hadn't finished looking through the notebook, and a part of her felt rather flattered that he preferred looking at the art to carnal acts with her.
As Renard thumbed through the pages, he couldn't quite explain it, but it almost seemed like all these pictures he'd looked at today felt different from the ones that he'd seen that first night in the garden. Was it that she was growing as an artist? Or was it that the influences behind her work were changing? Perhaps it was a little bit of both, and he had to admit that he liked these later ones a bit better. For some reason he thought that they felt more honest.
After flipping through the last of the pictures, he gave her exposed neck a soft kiss before lacing his fingers with both of her hands, holding them with his palms to the backs of hers.
"As always, Kyrie, your art is absolutely captivating."
Kyrie blushed in response to Renard's statement: once again it felt good to have him get so caught up in her work, it made her feel like she shouldn't be guilty about it at all, even if she did still trend towards people's unguarded moments. It wasn't something to be ashamed of, it was something beautiful in itself. Not really having much of a reply for him, she closed her eyes as Renard's kisses began trailing up her neck.
"T-thank you..."
Finding her too cute to resist, Renard leaned in for short but rather passionate kiss.
"It's been a while, Kyrie. What's say we enjoy ourselves this evening?"
The kiss had left her reeling with arousal, but a part of her also felt like it was just the natural thing to do to escalate things here. They were both feeling good, they were connecting on more levels than one, and Kyrie had a vested interest in helping him as much as he helped her. Wriggling her hands free from Renard's, Kyrie closed her notebook and put it to the side before turning around and wrapping her arms around his neck. She didn't say anything, but she did lean up to give Renard a kiss to show her approval for this plan.
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