Capítulo 299: A Pearl's Point of View (Steven Universe)
A/N: A Pearl's Point of View was a commissioned one shot originally written back in April of 2021. Posting it up here and now for people to enjoy!
Themes: No Sex, Character Study, NTR
-x-X-x-
At the start, Pearl doesn't think too much of it all. It's a familiar pang of pain by this point for her. No matter how much she loves Rose Quartz, she will never hold ALL of her Diamond's heart in her hands. And that… that made sense to her, regardless of how much it hurt. Pearl was Rose's Pearl, and Rose was so much more than Pearl could ever be. The other Gem was too big to ever be happy with just one love, just one… intimacy.
Needless to say, in the thousands of years since the end of the Gem War, Rose had had many, many flings with humans. On the bright side, Pearl knew she wasn't doing it just to spite her or anything like that. In point of fact, Rose is very obviously oblivious to the emotional harm she does to Pearl each and every time that it happens.
Still, given how much Pearl loves her Diamond, given how much she's always loved her Diamond, it still hurts every time it happens. She comforts herself with the thought that it's always just a phase, and that the relationships are always doomed to end eventually. Humans don't live very long lives to begin with, and their flighty nature leaves them as nothing more than a passing fancy most of the time.
Despite fighting a war to save them and their planet, Rose didn't really understand humans herself most of the time, and so Pearl could always comfort herself in the knowledge that Rose would come back to her, that she would HAVE to come back to her. After all, Pearl would always be there for her Diamond. No measly human could ever hope to say the same.
Still, as much as it helped that Rose thought humans to be funny little things most of the time, it didn't mean Pearl could simply not care. It hurt a little less though. As much as Rose loved humans, she was never IN love with any particular human like how she loved Pearl. Or so Pearl always was able to tell herself.
And then Greg 'Universe' had to come along. The human musician was no different from the many other humans that the Gems had interacted with over the years, at least at first. Rose liked his songs and decided to wear his shirt. If it had just been that Pearl might not have even cared to remember the man's name.
But then he came back, he came back, and he sung on their doorstep until Rose herself went out to send him away over Pearl's protests and offers to do it herself. Perhaps some part of her had known then and there that something was going to happen, that something was amiss. Before she knew it, Rose's quest to send 'Mr. Universe' on his way resulted in Greg sticking around seemingly indefinitely.
Pearl well-recognized the look in the human's eyes, of course. How could she not? He wasn't just fascinated by them; he was in awe of them. He was in awe of Rose. He worshipped her with his gaze and with his words, wanting nothing more than to be close to her, wanting nothing more than for the chance to simply touch her, to interact with her.
How could Pearl not recognize that look, when it was the same look she no doubt had in her eyes, day after day? When it was the same way she'd regarded her Diamond for millennia at this point.
But regardless, what starts off of complete disregard for this latest human in their lives forms into jealousy as he and Rose get closer and closer. Pearl can't do anything about it of course, she won't go against her Diamond and try to drive him away, at least not too harshly. But that doesn't mean it hurts when they have certain… interactions.
"You and uh… Pearl was it? You both seem pretty close. What's going on there? J-Just wondering!"
"Oh, Pearl and me? Hehe, well, we go way back of course. But you don't need to worry about Pearl. She's always forgiven me for my love of humans, haven't you Pearl?"
It hurt so much more that Greg apparently had the emotional capacity to recognize that she was in love with Rose, that he had the observational skills to ask about it. Because then Rose fed him the same line that Pearl had been feeding her Diamond for thousands of years. Namely, that it was FINE if Rose played around with humans. That she didn't MIND her Diamond's obvious love of polyamory.
Neither of which were true, of course. It ALWAYS hurt. But… Pearl was quite good at compartmentalizing. Always had been. And besides, she would sooner poof herself then hurt Rose by confessing her true feelings to the other Gem. Making Rose choose between her and every human that her Diamond might ever come across going forward? Pearl would never force that issue. Not least of which because she wasn't sure if she would come out on top or not.
And so she keeps her mouth shut, because it makes Rose happy. Even as she sits right there, watching Greg's confusion and concern easily fade away under Rose's justifications and placations. Even as she watches the two of them get closer and closer…
It comes to a head a little while later, and Pearl does something that in her eyes could be described as quite… inadvisable. She just can't help herself though, and as her jealousy gets the better of her, she goes a little too far.
Still, it's Rose's choice to agree to her suggestion that they fuse during the music video the Gems are making with Greg. Her Diamond is all too happy to do so, taking Pearl's word for it that it's only because she thinks it will make the video even better. The look on 'Mr. Universe's' face as Rainbow Quarts does a pirouette is to die for, and it's even better when they un-fuse and Pearl is left holding the microphone, allowing her to drop it and smirk smugly at him.
Even that part could all be… dismissed. But Pearl's next words, after Rose has walked away, will haunt her for years to come.
"You do know you're just a passing fancy for her, don't you?"
"No, Pearl… I don't know that."
"But you are. You humans never last long. How can you?"
"And… w-why can't I be different?"
"Well that's obvious, isn't it? Humans can't fuse with Gems."
"Have any ever tried?"
"Well… no. Why would they?"
"Then I'll be the first!"
Looking back on it years later, Pearl might have wished that Greg's attempts to fuse with Rose HAD worked. At least then, perhaps, what ended up coming to pass instead might not have. As it stood, Greg tried and failed, and yet, his efforts to fuse with Rose, and the heart to heart conversation that the two of them had afterwards, successfully managed to bring them closer together then ever before, much to Pearl's horrified dismay.
It was shortly after that moment that Pearl had gone looking for her Diamond, only to find her in the worst possible place. Greg's van had been shaking and moving quite strangely, and Rose had been nowhere else that Pearl could find. As the Gem had approached however, she'd heard it… her Diamond's wanton moaning, coming from within the van.
Greg might not be the first human in multiple millennia to drag Rose down to their primitive levels of copulation, but he certainly joined a very select few in that regard, a number that could be counted on less than one hand. After freezing up in shock for a moment, Pearl had fled from the van with a familiar heartache, knowing now that this human would likely last for a while longer and his presence would continue to hurt until he was finally gone.
The one upside, as time went by, was that he began to run out of money. This was another case of Rose not quite understanding humans. To this day, Pearl's Diamond didn't fully understand human currency, didn't understand that the humans had developed into a society called 'capitalistic' which relied on the exchange of money to get things.
Pearl however, as Rose's Pearl, was on top of such things like that. She didn't trouble her Diamond with lessons on human currency or anything like that, of course, but she knew what it was, she knew how it worked… and she knew that 'Mr. Universe' could not survive for long without it. Unlike the Gems, humans needed sustenance, and Pearl watched as Greg rapidly ran out of any form of cash and began slowly starving himself just to stay near Rose.
It brought Pearl no pleasure to see the man wasting away, but she knew it wouldn't come to his death or anything as silly as that. Humans… humans had an impressive set of survival instincts. In the end, Pearl believed with every fiber of her gem that Greg would eventually reach the point where he would HAVE to break things off with Rose just to survive and stop bumming off of that friend of his.
Really, it would only be a matter of time, or so Pearl thought. And then the best and worst part of Rose's interactions with humans would arrive. Greg's departure would result in her Diamond being quite beside herself and miserable. Pearl never liked seeing Rose sad, of course… but she certainly liked playing a part in making her Diamond happy again. She was an old hand at it too, and after thousands of years at Rose's side in both of her incarnations, Pearl was more than ready to be there to pick up the pieces when this short-lived human abandoned her as well.
… Unfortunately, as was rapidly becoming the case, this was not meant to be it seemed. Instead of moving on and continuing his life as an on-the-road-musician, Greg surprised Pearl by buckling down and getting a job. For a heartbeat, when Pearl had overheard Rose and Greg talking about it, she'd actually been excited. Rose had sounded so confused, and a little downtrodden. But then Greg had explained, and Pearl had realized what was actually happening… and just how bad it was.
"You… can't hang out today?"
"No, sorry Rose. I had to get a job at the local car wash, so I'll be busy until later tonight. We can totally hang out then though if you like!"
"Ah, that would be fine… you got a job?"
"Of course! We've all got to grow up sometimes. And us humans… we require a lot of things that you Gems don't. Things that cost money. Look, I've been… well, sort of immature all this time. But if I want to be able to stay here, with you… I needed to grow up and do some of the things that human adults have to do."
"Greg…"
There's no doubt in Pearl's mind… that's admiration she heard in her Diamond's voice as Rose spoke her current human lover's name. That interaction, it proved that Pearl was in for it, that she would be stuck with 'Mr. Universe' for far longer than she initially expected. Weeks had already turned into months by that point, and Pearl had been looking forward to it ending soon and things going back to the way they were when Rose wasn't currently fascinated by some human.
Alas, it was not meant to be, and Pearl's distress and heartache could only grow as literal years went by. Rose and Greg ended up staying together past the length of any of Rose's other human relationships, with Pearl's Diamond completely oblivious of the pain that she's causing Pearl. Which is as it should be, of course. Pearl would never want Rose to know how she was truly feeling about Greg, not after seeing how happy the human made her. She would never willingly ruin Rose's happiness, and so she bottled up her discontent and her sadness, forcing it all the way down and doing her best to ignore it.
Of course, Rose didn't make it easy. Pearl's Diamond had the distressing problem that she often told Pearl how she was feeling, and never asked Pearl how SHE was feeling. This dynamic had always existed between them to be fair, dating back to when Rose Quartz had still been Pink Diamond. It was the way things were meant to be between a Pearl and her Diamond… but it didn't make it any easier for Pearl to hear all about how Rose felt about Greg.
As months turned into years, it felt like Pearl couldn't go a few feet without sometimes stumbling onto Greg and Rose. Looking for her Diamond became an arduous task as time went on, because half of the time it felt like she was finding Rose with Greg, the two of them engaging in… vigorous forms of human intimacy. It wasn't fusion, it could never be fusion, and yet… they were definitely making it work. Repeatedly and eagerly at that.
Worse still, sometimes she would find them without even looking for them. Sometimes, Pearl just wanted to be alone with her own thoughts. And so, she would try to go to one of the places that were personal and private, a list of special spots that were known only to Pearl… and of course, her Diamond. Pearl didn't keep anything from Rose after all, so when she DID find a new spot near their home that she absolutely loved, she was quite eager to share it with Rose over the centuries.
And now Rose was busy sharing those spots in turn with Greg. Once again, her Diamond was oblivious to the pain that she was causing Pearl. After all, upon discovering them… fornicating in these spots, Pearl never let herself be seen or heard, fleeing from the scene as swiftly as possible before she can be noticed, her heart tearing itself to pieces each and every time.
Then, it arrives. The moment Pearl didn't even know she should be dreading, the moment that she didn't in her wildest, most horrific nightmares think would or could become a reality.
"I have some news, everyone… I'm pregnant!"
That alone, the knowledge that while Greg had never quite managed fusion, but he had somehow managed to knock up Pearl's Diamond… that alone was crushing. But then it got worse… so, so much worse.
"Unfortunately, this does mean I'll be going away."
"What?!"
"What do you mean, going away?"
"R-Rose?"
Rose had explained, as gently as she ever had explained anything, that for her to give birth to her child, she would have to give up her gem. She would, effectively, cease to exist in a way…
Needless to say, none of the Crystal Gems were all that excited about such a thing, Pearl least among them. But Rose had spoken over their protests and their dismay, explaining her reasoning.
"I know I haven't always been the best Gem I could be. I haven't always made the right decisions or done the right things. I want… I want to bring someone into this world that will be better than me. Someone that will shine more brightly, someone that will be able to do the things I could never do. I want… a legacy."
To such infinite and eternal creatures as Gems, legacy was ultimately a foreign and alien concept. But after living on Earth for thousands of years, Pearl understood more than most what legacy was, at least to humans. Having also spent the longest of any of them with her Diamond, she could also tell that Rose wasn't going to budge on this.
And so, Pearl had done what any good Pearl would do, and backed up Rose's decision. She'd stood by her Diamond's side, even as nothing but pain and heartbreak filled her very being. She'd managed to help Rose convince Garnet and Amethyst both that this could be a good thing, and that they should support Rose in this endeavor, as it was what she wanted.
Then, once all was said and done, Pearl had found a small rock to curl up behind and bawl her eyes out like the big damn baby she was on the inside. Because honestly, she knows she's gotten more attached to Rose then any Pearl should. It's been that way for millennia. But that doesn't make it any easier. Just because she shouldn't have done something, doesn't mean it didn't happen. After all, it was her Diamond who'd taught her how to rebel in the first place. It was Rose who had always told her to never be ashamed of being who and what she was.
What she was, was a Big Ole Mess of emotions and idiosyncrasies created by her mass of issues over her beloved Diamond. What she was, was a Pearl who was about to lose what felt like her only reason for even existing. What she was… didn't matter, in the end.
Eventually, Pearl had picked herself up, dried her tears, and gone back to her Diamond's side. After all, regardless of how she might feel about it all, Rose still needed her, very much so. Even as Pearl descended into an ever-expanding quagmire of depression, pain, and heartache, she'd presented a brave face and stayed by her Diamond's side throughout the ensuing pregnant.
Rose got bigger and bigger, and plans were made for the eventual… birth. Greg was just as distraught and beside himself as the Gems about Rose's oncoming departure, and Pearl wished with all her might that he would be more cavalier about things so that she could rip him a new one. Tearing strips out of his hide would certainly have made her feel better, she couldn't help but think. After all, this was all his fault.
And yet, he seemed to carry his own sort of melancholy. He KNEW it was his fault, this human man who had taken so long to grow up but had ultimately become wise in his own way. He knew that he was taking Rose away from all of them, even as he was also taking Rose away from himself. Now if only he'd had the good decency to realize he was taking Rose away from HER in the first place, maybe Pearl would be able to forgive him.
As is, all she can do is settle for ignoring him, focusing on her Diamond, being there for Rose in whatever capacity she can be. Until finally, their final conversation comes to pass. One last time before Rose gives birth, her Diamond takes her aside for a private dialogue. Needless to say, part of Pearl goes into the conversation hoping that Rose has noticed how much she's hurting in spite of her efforts to hide it, and that she's going to give some kind of apology or… or just something. Anything.
But no, of course not.
"I wanted to thank you personally, Pearl. I'm so happy to have someone like you in my life, to give me all the support you've given me. From how you accepted my relationship with Greg, to my decision to have this child. I know Garnet and Amethyst are putting on brave faces, but I'm glad that you at least understand why I have to do this. It's one of the reasons I love you so much."
Instead of Rose finally catching on, it's just further proof that Pearl has always been far too good at fooling her Diamond into believing that she's perfectly alright when she really, really isn't. Rose can even tell that Amethyst and Garnet are going to miss her, while being unable to see the same emotion in Pearl's glassy eyes or blank face.
Once again, her Diamond is completely oblivious to Pearl's feelings. In the end, what can Pearl say to Rose's final words to her? Feeling cold, empty, and blank inside, she says what's expected of her, what will make her Diamond happiest.
"It's the least I could do."
Needless to say, days later, Pearl can barely manage to drag herself to when Rose finally gives birth. Hearing Steven Universe's cries for the first time as he's born leaves the world feeling like it's opening up beneath her. Her surroundings almost seem to fade in color, and the world seems to lose all of it's luster for her. When it's finally her turn to hold Steven, all Pearl can do is stare down at the gem in his belly button, her Diamond's Quartz Gem… and come to the conclusion that this might very well be the worst day of her life.
-x-X-x-
Of course, Gems don't get to just… stop. Especially not when given orders from their superiors. And rebel that Pearl might have come, she would follow Rose's orders to her dying breath. Fast forward thirteen years, and Pearl found herself cleaning up her young charge's room. Steven was around, but not currently in the same room as her, doing something else as she cleaned up around the beach house.
From dishes to clutter, there was always something to clean up after when one was taking care of a thirteen year old human boy, or so Pearl had found. At the moment, the Gem was contemplating her next lesson plan. Rose's son had to be taught all there was to know after all, and needless to say, the Crystal Gems did not think much of the human and their educational systems. Neither did Greg, thankfully, and so Steven had been homeschooled all his life.
Hm, now that the young boy had managed to master the first three hundred basic elements, perhaps it was time for Pearl to teach him the next two hundred. It was somewhat basic knowledge, but allowances had to be made for Steven's… humanness.
A quiet sigh leaves Pearl's lips as she finishes the last of the dishes. Just as she's turning around, Steven appears in a whirlwind, the boy as rambunctious and energetic as ever, and as always, reminding her first of his mother before his father.
"Pearl, Pearl! I wanna go sledding down the hill!"
Furrowing her brow at that, the Gem shakes her head.
"It hasn't even snowed, Steven. How are you going to sled?"
"It didn't snow, but it did rain last night! It'll be perfectly muddy for the ole trashcan lid! It'll be lots of fun!"
Pearl's first instinct is to say no, and she follows it. After all, sledding down a muddy hill is far different from sledding down a snowy one. There could be any number of rocks or roots unearthed by the rains that Steven could slam into to send him tumbling. He could get hurt, for all that the Gem side of his heritage makes him hardier than most boys.
"No, Steven, I don't think that's a good idea. It doesn't sound safe."
Immediately, her young charge's face falls. The son of the love of Pearl's life frowns and then his eyes begin to water as his lower lip juts out and begins to wobble.
"P-Please Pearl?!"
Pearl hesitates, and much like his mother would have before him, Steven jumps on that moment of weakness, possibly without even noticing it.
"C'mon, you never let me do ANYTHING fun! Please, please, please!"
Like mother, like son. With a loud sigh, Pearl hangs her head.
"Alright, but please try to be safe…"
Steven cheers and Pearl turns away, not wanting to watch him leave. Her shoulders slump, and she wrestles with her own sadness and anxiety. Memories of similar events with Rose, of her advising her Diamond against something dangerous only for Rose to do it anyways, flit through Pearl's mind before she ruthlessly suppresses them. She is, after all, quite good at compartmentalizing.
She expects to hear the door of the beach house opening and slamming shut behind her rambunctious young charge in the next handful of moments. Instead, she finds herself shocked when that doesn't happen, when instead young Steven breaks the narrative that Pearl had resigned herself to thousands of years ago and calls out to her instead.
"Pearl? Are you okay?"
Blinking owlishly, Pearl straightens up, feeling oddly caught out for the first time in her long, long life. Flustered and more than a little flummoxed, the Gem whirls around and plasters a bright, yet incredibly fake smile on her face.
"I'm f-fine, Steven. Weren't you going to go and play?"
Brow furrowing, lips curling downwards into a different frown now… Steven shakes his head.
"If you're not comfortable with me going and sledding… then I won't do it. I don't want you to be upset, Pearl!"
It's moments like these that make the loss of her Diamond almost worth it. Pearl's heart melts a little and her bright smile softens into something more real as she lets out a chuckle.
"It's fine, Steven. You know what, how about I go with you, alright? Just to watch over you."
It's certainly not what she might have wanted to spend her time doing. Even if it does turn out to be safe, sledding through mud is certainly going to be a messy endeavor and Pearl would normally want no part in it. But she'd done worse for Rose back in the day, just to be close to her Diamond and to stay by her side as a Pearl should. She could do this much for Steven.
However, once again, her young charge bucks the narrative. If he was truly his mother, he would have leaped into the air with another cheer and then grabbed her by the hand and dragged her off sledding with him without another thought. Instead however, Steven's frown grows a little, and he almost seems to peer at her for a moment.
"… Do YOU want to sled with me Pearl?"
She hesitates for a moment too long, and before she can fake a positive answer, Steven crosses his arms over his chest with a solid nod.
"We don't have to go sledding today. It'll be better with snow anyways, you're right Pearl."
"I…"
Pearl trails off, at a loss, and once again reminding her a little of his mother, but at the same time so very much not, Steven steamrolls over her.
"Lets do something that you like to do instead, Pearl!"
He steamrolls over her in order to suggest that they do something she wants to do, and Pearl is left completely flabbergasted, unsure of how to respond. In the end, she lets out a little laugh and shakes her head.
"While that's very sweet, I'm fine Steven. You'll be trapped in lessons with me again soon enough once the weekend is over. Don't you think you should have fun before then?"
"No."
Pearl blinks as Steven crosses his arms more tightly over his chest and shakes his head resolutely.
"Your feelings are important too, Pearl! And you're not just my teacher, you're my friend! I want to do something with you… something that you want to do too! I don't want to make you feel bad doing something just because I like it!"
… As far as things that cause a breakdown go, Pearl has to admit that this one is pretty pathetic, even as she finds herself breaking down and slumping to her knees in tears, crying as she thinks of all the times Rose had just… assumed that Pearl would enjoy some activity or another, when the only reason Pearl was even remotely happy about the things they were doing was because she was with her Diamond. Or even how Rose would just assume how Pearl felt about things without ever asking how Pearl felt, and never picking up when Pearl was hurt by something Rose had done without consulting her.
It's in that moment, as Steven doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her kneeling form, that Pearl finds herself contemplating the last thirteen years. Of how she had to force herself to interact with Steven in the first place. Of thinking of him as Rose's child and not Greg's, and the little ways in which he reminded her of Rose. And then of thinking of him as her Diamond, falling back on old thoughts and frameworks to try and tend to Steven's needs without falling apart.
And then… having that feeling evolve, when she'd started to think of him as more than Rose's son, as more than her Diamond. When she'd started to think of him as simply Steven… and then beyond that, going as far as to start thinking of Steven as her baby. As her own child, rather than R-Rose's…
"Um… Pearl, what's wrong? If I did something wrong, l-let me know. Please don't hate me!"
With a sob, Pearl finally returns Steven's hug before the boy can pull away, wrapping her arms around him and shaking her head as she cries into his shoulder.
"I-I could never hate you, Steven, I swear it!"
He hugs her more tightly, and Pearl freezes for a moment before really leaning into him and returning that tightness. As she does so, all of the times where Steven looked up to her and told her she was amazing or that he loved her without expecting anything in return flit through Pearl's mind. She thinks on how Steven makes her feel important, how he makes her feel valued in a way Rose… Rose had oft times failed to accomplish.
Rose Quartz might have freed her from bondage, might have shown her what it meant to rebel… but Steven was the one who made her FEEL free. He made her feel like more than just a Pearl, like more than just a servant.
For the first time in her life, Pearl can admit to herself without any guilt that she's come to love Steven even more than she loved her Diamond. It was a different kind of love, but also a greater kind of love. A… a TRUER kind of love.
In the end, Rose was right, Pearl can't help but thinking happily… and perhaps just a little vindictively as well. In the end, her Diamond really had brought someone better than herself into the world. Someone who shined brighter than she ever did.
"I know!"
Snapping out of her inner monologue, Pearl blinks as Steven pulls away with a conniving sort of grin on his face.
"You wanna come help me prank Amethyst? We could clean and organize a part of her room and see how long it takes her to notice when she gets back!"
The idea is not without merit, considering the messy Gem in question. More than that, it's something that the rebellious Pearl would actually enjoy doing, especially with her… with her son. Smiling back at Steven's beaming face, Pearl dries her tears and stands up, feeling like the weight of planets has lifted off her shoulders.
"I'd like that, Steven. I'd like that very much."
And as the two of them head off to prank their fellow Crystal Gem, Pearl finally begins the slow, slow process of leaving the past behind her, where it belongs.
-x-X-x-
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