Capítulo 60: 'I have special permission from your warden'

A young lad—small in stature—lifted his dark eyes and as soon as recognized who was in front of him, he quickly stepped back. His hands shook, and the side of his eyes twitched.

"I… uhm… I'm sorry, duchess. I didn't know this was your room." A young lad bowed repeatedly before them.

"Ancel!" she called when she saw an overly familiar shadow lurking behind one of the posts in the hallway.

"Yes, duchess?" the assassin stood proudly and glanced only to see who stood behind her. Then, without a second to spare, Ancel grabbed the lad by his collar like he's some bag of potatoes and said, "I apologize, duchess. Must be my sister's doing. She likes to play with the recruits, you know how she is with her jokes. I'll see to it that this person is taken care of." The lad slowly turned to face him with a fear-stricken look. He tried to get away but he's no match for Ancel's grip.

"No," Amelia halted the knight assassin's arm, her voice softer now, "If he didn't mean any harm, just let him go. And tell your sister to stop with her jokes. Our hearts nearly stopped, for Heavens' sake!"

"I apologize again, duchess. I took my eyes off for a second to check on something. He has light feet, so I didn't notice." Despite the stern look he's trying to impress, Ancel's voice was proud in a glad way. It was then that Amelia realized what kind of recruit the lad was.

"Your name?" she asked.

"R-Raf, your grace. Raf A-Astlyn."

"You may go, Raf." As soon as he heard it and felt that Ancel's grip was loose, he made a quick bow and sprinted through the hallway. Amelia looked at him until he disappeared then looked at Ancel. "I'll tell your sister that he was able to pass through you."

"No, please. She won't stop teasing me about it." Amelia flashed a small smile before clearing her throat.

She's back to business again.

Straightening her dress, she asked one of Ancel's knights to escort Christa back to her room and wait for her there. In the meantime, she'll be at her office, tending to some things that needed tending.

After some time browsing through documents, the door opened, and Christa came through with Laila. They both changed into their evening dresses and donned a fleece-lined cloak about them.

"Arabella said she's needed by her family so she might miss this one out," Laila informed.

"I heard that she was supposed to take over their family business but refused, and now she's being dragged all over the place. Arabella must be furious about it." Christa seconded.

"Well, that's what she gets for refusing to be the head," Amelia chuckled and left the documents on her table sprawled as is. It's better for her to find things later that way; they weren't important ones so it's safe to just leave it.

With Ancel and two of his men in front of them, Amelia followed them through the east wing and down the winding stairs. And as soon as she has set foot on the last step, the duchess looked back at who called her and beamed.

"Looking as ever beautiful as the moonlight,"

"Uncle!" Vance welcomed the duchess with open arms. With a quick embrace, they both headed for the courtyard.

Seeing them emerge through the massive palace doors, people gathered around closer, their breaths visible from the chilly evening. Usually, her advisor would give a little speech before the bonfire was lit, but this time, it's Amelia's turn.

She wanted to do it.

She wanted to prove to her people that she's alright—she wanted to prove it to herself. Amelia wanted to be free of her past, but she knew that would be wishful thinking. Instead, she came to realize that she couldn't change the past so might as well just accept it. And in the coming years, she wishes that they'd be able to celebrate the winter festivities with a lighter heart.

"The lighting of a bonfire has been a part of our duchy from time ephemeral," Amelia started. "But with what happened a few years ago, this has become a symbol of our mourning, with our well-wishes placed second. I… don't want that anymore." A smile grew on the duchess' face slowly, "What happened then was…" Amelia's breathing suddenly raced and she's thankful that her cloak hid her hands clenching her dress, but her pause only made those seeing her be worried. "…truly unacceptable but it's a fate that we all have to live with. I am here now, and you're all here with me. I want nothing more than this duchy to be as it was before. To the duchy that I was born in and the people that I am proud of, now that I have come of age, let me introduce myself." The duchess took a deep breath and stood straight.

"I am Amelia Cicely Florence, Duchess of House Florence and ruler of Osmea. I lay my heart and my life to serve and protect the very place and the very people that my parents—my ancestors—cherished," there was a hint of sarcasm that slipped in Amelia's voice. She didn't mean to, but she couldn't control it either. She might have decided to put some things in the past behind her, but her battle's not yet over. And it won't be over until her hands were on the neck of the same person who killed her family. "May our coming years continue to prosper, and our hard work is ten-folds fruitful than it was before."

With this Amelia's little speech was over, and just when she was about to step into the crowd and light the bonfire, someone shouted, "Happy birthday, Duchess!"

Almost everyone turned their heads to see who it was, then another shouted from the other side of the crowd, and another then another until the courtyard was filled with well-wishes for her. The sounds of their applauses shook Amelia's heart, and she didn't notice a tear crawling down her cheeks followed by another until it streamed down her face quietly. She only noticed that she had cried when she sniffed. It was when she wiped her cheek thinking that she had sweated because of the anxiety and the pressure of presenting herself well.

"Oh…" she said, her lips quivering, and with trembling cold hands she immediately dried her eyes.

She looked side to side to see who was watching her, but no one was. It was dark, and the only light that shone her way was the small torches scattered around. Everyone was busy cheering for her and expecting the bonfire to be lit, she was also wearing a hooded cloak, so it hid her face.

With another sniff and a deep breath, Amelia proceeded to walk towards the bonfire, took the torch from her advisor, and inserted it in the middle where a pile of dried hay was placed to start the fire.

As the hay began to burn, the fire crawled to the wood, and Amelia was guided to step back, but it took her a minute before she finally turned away.

'To the monster that took my family away, may your smoke reach the Heavens with my wish to give his master a long and healthy life to meet who I need to meet and give them what they gave me.'

Silence fell in the courtyard as the others silently prayed together. After some time, someone started singing about the seeds of yesterday and how it has affected many and will continue to affect others in the coming years. It was a befitting song for Amelia, and though she's not that very good of a singer, she sang her heart out with her people.

Amelia, followed by her ladies-in-waiting and security escorts, retired early for the night while the others were free to do what they want until they were fully satisfied.

**********

Alone in her room, Amelia walked to her bed and stared at the nightgown that Laila and Christa left before they went down to pick her up from her office to attend the bonfire. She ran a finger across it and let out a short chuckle as the soft fabric tickled the ends of her fingertips.

But she had no intention of wearing it—or changing into more comfortable clothes either.

She didn't plan to sleep at all, matter-of-factly.

Amelia turned to face her window and pushed the floor-to-ceiling curtains aside. Just enough so the moon could see her, and she could look back at it. Nothing calmed her down so quickly than watching the night sky and its endless possibilities.

Seeing how the stars sparkled for the night was such a bittersweet moment. To mourn for the loss of her family on the day she was born is—pitiful and sad. She didn't even know where to start explaining how or what she's supposed to be feeling.

A series of knocks took her attention and her heart started pounding. Time stopped as waves of emotions started crashing. Who could be knocking on her door in the middle of the night with her knights outside? That is—if they're still outside.

Amelia gulped. A memory of when she was being carried by her advisor through the stairs and out the door came rushing towards her. Thinking about the heat from the fire she felt before sent beads of sweat to her forehead.

Amelia clutched her hands to her chest at the thought. She shouldn't be feeling so vulnerable. She's feeling better, right? She's accepted the past as she said she would, right? So why does she feel so suffocated? Why hasn't she moved an inch? Why does her body tremble?

The knocking continued and Amelia swallowed some air. She walked slowly towards the entrance of the adjoining room, staring at her door.

"Wh-who is it?" she reluctantly asked.

"It's me…" the duchess' lips parted. Her eyes widened and her arms fell to her side as a shiver ran from her feet to the tips of her hair.

Did she hear it right?

Even if drowned in the midst of a hundred other voices, the deep voice that emerged from behind the door is too familiar to miss. She stared frozen at the door, waiting, not believing.

She continued to tell herself that maybe she was just hearing things. It has been a long day. She's exhausted and slightly famished. It might be her mind playing tricks on her. And some people could mimic others' voices.

But not long after, another knock startled Amelia. Her arms went about her as she took a step forward.

"I know you're still awake, Cice. Open the door."

Amelia swallowed some air and forced herself to take a few steps more. The last time she saw Alexander was at Aclador, and before that, there were a few months' gaps. They've written back and forth and have grown to know each other slowly even for a little, but seeing the person for real was different.

She can't let him see her right now.

With a trembling hand, the duchess reached for the knob and twisted it. She didn't have the courage to pull it open, so her guest pushed it for her, and then there he was.

His golden-brown eyes met hers and without a second to spare, he quickly stepped inside, pushed the door close behind him, and embraced Amelia.

The duchess' knees gave her out and she leaned against the duke for support.

Everything was too sudden. Too much.

"Oh, Heavens…" her voice shook, and her breathing turned ragged.

"A-are you okay?"

"You scared me. I thought… I thought it was…" she began to whimper, and she felt Alexander freeze.

Her eyes burned a little as she felt the impending tears trying to get out. She pressed her face against the duke's chest to stop it, but her sniffs gave her away. When Alexander tried to distance from her, she wrapped her arms around him tightly like a child.

She didn't want to let him see her cry.

Alexander embraced her again in a comforting way, then all of a sudden, he crouched and swept her off her feet. She let out a short shriek and was forced to look at the duke.

"Now you're looking at me," he said smiling, and Amelia instantly felt her cheeks warm up, drying her tears. She lowered her face until the duke gently sat her on the side of her bed.

Amelia averted her eyes, but she couldn't for long when she felt the duke's cold hand on the side of her face. He brushed away some stray hairs and then stared at her again.

"Tell me," his voice was soothing, "What is it that made you cry?" his thumb lightly brushed across her eyes.

"Caught up in the moment, I guess?" she said in a low voice. "It's just been a tiring day. I've changed three times today and ate so little." she reasoned some more.

"Mhm… I know," he answered then gently pulled the duchess towards him and kissed her on the forehead.

Amelia's arms were opened stiff to both sides, unsure of what to do.

Should she hug him back? Should she caress or pat his back until he lets her go? Earlier was different. She had a reason to hug him because she was starting to cry again.

No man hugged her, or she hugged a man. Her Uncle Vance, Uncle Vernon—even Ayland—and the Mulford brothers always hug her without consent, but they were family. Alexander wasn't.

"I missed you, Cice—greatly." His breath touched the side of the duchess' neck, and she froze immediately. Her heart raced so much she could feel it pounding against the duke's chest.

The still damp hair that touched the side of Amelia's cheek smelled like lavender—a scent that she also uses. The former worries she had vanished and slowly turned into a soft smile. Her arms moved on their own, wrapping themselves around his muscled back.

Then Amelia realized… Alexander was nervous too. The sweat on his back and the warmness of his body transferred to hers were all proof. And when he wrapped his arms around her tighter, his heart was beating so fast, Amelia could feel it against her own.

"You didn't use the window this time," she whispered cheerfully against his ear.

"I have special permission from your warden," he answered.

"My warden?"

"Vance," Alexander chuckled, and Amelia positioned her chin to sit comfortably on the duke's shoulder; her hands slid down to his lower back. "And Ancel who's outside."

"When did you arrive?"

"Earlier this morning," he answered, and their hugging stopped. "I came with Vance and Arabella."

"What?" Amelia distanced herself to look at the duke but when she locked eyes with his, her face instantly reddened and when she turned away to hide it, Alexander was quick to stop her. The duke softly pinched the duchess's chin and lifted it so she's facing him again.

As always, his eyes were something she could stare at all day. Though his usual expression looked stoic, his eyes told her differently. There was a hint of longing and excitement all mushed into one, and she wondered how she looked in his eyes for him to look at her in such a way.

Alexander's eyes suddenly trailed off and she gulped when she realized where he was looking at. Amelia's eyes wandered off too. The plump and soft lips that used to kiss her were ever so tempting that her lips parted a little to breathe. Alexander must've noticed her unease because he smiled and directed his gaze directly at her.

Her heart raced.

Amelia didn't want to appear to want it so bad, but she hasn't seen him in weeks! The smirk on his freshly shaved face grew wider and more teasing. He slightly bit his lower lip and pulled her closer so that she could feel his hard torso against her.

"Uhm…" Amelia pressed her palms against the duke's sturdy chest. "Ancel is outside," she shyly said, and Alexander was at a loss for words. His arms fell to his side as he stared blankly at her.

Restlessness dawned upon the duchess as her eyes shifted anxiously. The sudden silence made her heart heavy.

Did she do something wrong? Said something that she shouldn't have, maybe? What was it? She couldn't remember. But then, from Alexander, a hearty laugh emerged.

"Oh, that was funny," he said, wiping away the small tear that formed at the side of his eye. "It's okay, my love. Ancel understands." Alexander planted a swift peck on her forehead again before he got up and strutted to the divan by the window.

"I… don't understand, honestly." Amelia casually touched her forehead and then tucked the stray hairs behind her ear. "So, Uncle Vance met with you and brought you here?"

"In short, yes. He asked if he could borrow some of my men for extra protection and I said, of course. Since it's your safety we're talking about."

"He came to ask you for extra security?" Amelia's voice slightly rose with disbelief. It was her first time ever hearing someone say that her advisor asked a neighboring duchy for security reasons. If it's security he's worried about, he could easily send word to Aclador's duke, and they'd send someone right away. And of course, there's also the Felfords. There's certainly no way that there's some truth in his words.

'But what does it matter?' the duchess found herself asking.

Yes. What does it matter if he came with her advisor because they talked about her security, or that he's here for some other reasons? The fact that he's present for her birthday was enough for a reason.

"Have you eaten already?"

"Vance was kind enough to send a maid over to bring me food."

"So, you're saying you've been in the palace all this time?"

"Only this afternoon. A few minutes before your luncheon was over."

"Hmm…" Amelia nodded.

"Aren't you going to join me here? It's a lovely evening," he said, patting the opposite side of the divan. "How are you?" his hands reached out for her and without hesitation Amelia grabbed it. Feeling a slight tug, she smiled faintly at the duke and sat down.

Amelia looked out the window and saw how the moon has gone up. The remnants of the bonfire were a small flickering flame that would slowly die on its own given the time.

"Someone… " she started, her hand squeezing Alexander's. "After my speech, someone shouted happy birthday and everybody else did the same. For seven years, only Uncle Vance greeted me directly. Most greetings were made through letters or came a day after. But tonight's different."

"Oh, really?" Alexander squeezed back, asking in a softer, almost a whisper, voice while staring at her. "How did that make you feel?"

"I didn't think it was possible that time, but it was you, wasn't it?"

Amelia lifted her gaze only to catch Alexander already looking at her, smiling. The light from the moon hit his face softly that it was hard for her to look away and they remained locked in each other's gazes for a moment until Alexander asked.

"The bonfire didn't bother you?" Alexander's eyes were on his hand holding hers. His thumb made small and slow circular motions on the top of hers as if consoling her.

A small smile grew on the duchess' face without her knowing.

"I learned to live with it over time. I couldn't just let it drag me down forever." She said in a low voice, almost a whisper. Her eyes were fixed on the duke's long lashes that she didn't notice before, and she thought he looked very much like Leti.

"So, tell me why you're still dressed?"

"Why? Do you want to see me in my nightgown?" she teased.

"Well, if you'll let me. I'll even help you change into one." He answered so smoothly that Amelia's head almost popped. Her face turned red in a flash but in a moment her heart grew heavy realizing that Alexander's used to something like that.

'Feeling jealous?' her mind suddenly thought.

"I was kidding, Cice. That would be too much even for me to handle," he laughed, and when the duchess let out an awkward chuckle, he turned serious again. "But seriously, why are you still in your dress? I thought you don't like these frilly things."

"I… uhm…" Amelia gulped and just when she was about to take her hand from the duke, he squeezed it. He did circular motions again with his thumb and it made Amelia feel a little better.

The duchess looked at the circular motions he did, not saying anything. She too was silent for a few minutes before what came out of her mouth surprised her, "I'm scared, probably," her voice cracked a little at the end.

By then, Alexander lifted his head. His eyes were soft like a puppy's when left alone. She didn't think she'd see the duke in such a state.

"Why are you scared?"

"Why am I scared?" Amelia repeated. Her back hit the wall as she leaned back, thinking, her eyes darted to the shadows of the swaying branches outside. "About this time, I was standing out in the garden with Uncle Vance, looking at my burning home. I was too young and shocked to realize anything at the time, so the effects came much later. It… wasn't the best day of my life."

Alexander grew quiet. He returned to doing what he did earlier, and Amelia stared at his thumb again. His gesture comforted her as she divulges more than she usually allowed herself to.

"I don't get dressed or sleep because whenever I do, my mind brings me back to that day seven years ago. I feel like… if I slept, I'd wake up homeless and I didn't want that."

"But it's not seven years ago. You're older now. Stronger. Wiser. You're now capable of the things that you only thought of when you were younger."

"But the thing is, I don't even remember what I thought of myself when I was younger," Amelia let out an awkward laugh, but it didn't last long when she saw that Alexander frowned about her little joke.

"I remember you smiling widely. You got tired walking around for your first public appearance and asked Nathaniel to carry you in his arms."

Amelia perked up and stared at the duke.

'What did he say?' she asked herself.

"You… were there?"

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