Capítulo 5: Chapter Five
"Your past will never change how I feel about you. But Corbin, there's a killer going around. He's killed at least one person you were acquainted with. Baby, what if they're coming after you next?" At these words Corbin began sobbing. A wailing cry Ivan had never heard before from him. Ivan knew he'd struck a chord with those words. Ivan reached over his hand to Corbin's shoulder and he jumped with a small moan of protest, his shoulders shaking ever the harder.
"Corbin." Ivan got no other response than more lamenting wails. "Baby, look at me." Corbin refused with a shake of his head, his face remaining covered with hands dripping water like a left-on tap. "Corbin." Ivan lightly gripped Corbin's wrists to try and pull his hands away from his face, but recoiled as if burned as Corbin began to scream. He didn't thrash or fight or try to get away. He simply bellowed the most heartbreaking sound Ivan had ever heard. Ivan didn't know what to do. In their three years he'd seen Corbin in many states of distress; but never like this. Snapping out of his shock, Ivan set his hands on Corbin's shoulders, shaking him once. With one last shriek he quieted down, opening his fingers slightly to allow sight while still holding his face. His breathing was heavy, but was beginning to slow. Tears and sweat mixed on his face unnoticed.
"What did they do to you, baby?" Ivan whispered this to himself as he raked his eyes slowly over Corbin's balled up, quivering form.
Corbin looked at him, his hands slipping from his face, curling under his chin, seemingly to complete his human-ball shape of self-protection. Small sobs wracked his body as his mind conjured just exactly what they did to him. "They ruined me." His voice was barley perceptible. His reddened, glassy eyes met Ivan's then. "They ruined me, Ivan, before I had the chance to be...anything else. Please don't make me tell you, Ivan. Please. Please. Please don't make me. I can't. I can't see that look in your eyes. I can't see how you'd see me once you knew." Corbin sucked in his bottom lip, chewing with nervous, fearful fervor.
Ivan sighed and closed his eyes, his head dropping in defeat. "How can I protect you if I don't know what I'm up against?"
"You can't protect me, Ivan. No one can protect me. If they want me. They'll find me. And they'll have me."
"Corbin, baby, who?" Corbin jumped slightly at his raised voice. His eyes a shade of fear Ivan had never witnessed. The fear was for him. The realization made Ivan break all contact and breathe deeply. He needed to calm down. He sighed. He knew he wouldn't get anywhere. He'd fix this another way. Protect him another way. Ivan was silent for the span of two hundred heartbeats, his eyes diverted to his folded, clenched hands. When he finally did speak, his voice was shaking, his eyes watering. He didn't look at Corbin as he spoke. "I love you, Corbin. I hope you know that. I hope you know that I will protect you. That I'd die protecting you. And if someone is...after you...even if you don't see me, Corbin, I won't leave you to the wolves."
Three days passed and Corbin was more jumpy than he'd seen him in a long time, if ever. At his desk Ivan sat in silence, his fingers steepled together, brows drawn together in deep thought. He picked up the phone. "Sammy, hey. It's me." Samuel Barnes was a long time friend of Ivan's dating back to middle school. As young teenagers Sam was the first person he confided in that he was gay. Ivan trusted Sam implicitly. As young high school graduates they entered the police academy together, and by chance ended up working closely together later as detectives. "I need help, Sam. I don't know where else to turn."
When Ivan came home that night he was exhausted. He'd been digging into the past of each victim beyond the initial generalities reported in the files. They were in fact all connected to each other. Each victim known to the other. Each of them connected with one man. Alister Martin. He looked carefully at the mug shot that was on his computer screen, reading everything he could about this particular kind of scum. As he looked at the photo taken by the police in the early eighties, realized with a gasping shock how Corbin was related to this man. To the other victims. It is a brand.
The effectuation in his mind revolving the entirety of the situation took his breath away. He now knew Corbin's big secret. What for three years he's been so afraid to confess. Ivan understood why Corbin feared his reaction. The truth of the matter is it made him realize many things. He understood now as best he could what Corbin lived though. And how strong he was for surviving and finding any iota of happiness in its wake. He realized how much he truly loves the man he comes home to every night. How vulnerable he really was. How much he couldn't allow him further harm.
Corbin lay asleep on the couch, Juno curled up on his feet. She wagged her tail but didn't move. Her expression as she looked at him seemed as worried as he felt. He pet her head before kneeling slowly down. His body leaned against the couch at Corbin's chest, his fingers softly tucking a lock of hair behind Corbin's ear.
"Cory, baby, wake up. Come on, love." Gently he rubbed Corbin's shoulder as he spoke softly, kissing his cheek. Corbin frowned and stirred but didn't wake. Ivan smiled. Stubborn even in your sleep. "Sweet baby, come on, wake up."
Corbin's eyes opened and he smiled. Ivan's heart both melted and constricted. "Hi. What time is it?" He asked sitting up. He stretched and yawned, leaning sleepily into Ivan, who moved to the couch when Corbin sat up. Ivan inhaled him, pressing his lips to the back of Corbin's neck. He nuzzled his nose into that same spot and was rewarded with a ticklish giggle and subsequent squirming. He tickled him a bit more, loving the sound of Corbin's laughter, which had been too absent in the last several days.
Ivan pulled away after Corbin squirmed, twisting in his arms until they were facing each other. Corbin smiled up at Ivan; Ivan returning it before gently lowering his head, capturing Corbin in a kiss. Within the kiss Ivan attempted to convey everything he couldn't at the moment tell him. When he pulled away Corbin was frowning slightly. Ivan gave him a questioning look and wordlessly Corbin reached up, swiping a thumb across Ivan's cheeks. Ivan shook his head at the question in Corbin's eyes, nuzzling into his palm, kissing its center.
"I love you," Ivan said in a tone and with a look on his face that Corbin had never known before. "You understand that right?" Ivan ran his fingertips lightly down Corbin's cheek, his eyes traveling the contours of Corbin's face. "You know that, right? Nothing...Corbin, nothing will ever change that."
Corbin frowned and his heart fluttered. What does he know? "I know you love me. I love you, too."
Ivan swallowed. "But do you know that that won't change?" Corbin looked away. He didn't answer. He couldn't answer. He didn't know. He wanted to believe. How he wanted to believe...and he couldn't lie to him. "Corbin..." Corbin sat up slightly. He felt ashamed at this weakness. Ivan dropped his head against Corbin's chest, the weight of the last several months of running down leads on this case, him learning of Corbin's connection to it all and finally, Corbin's past. Reading it in black and white, picturing his sweet and only love going through the things he'd seen described in plain english, the look that was constantly in Corbin's eyes, his doubt, all became too much and Ivan could not stop the tears that spilled. Corbin wrapped his arms around Ivan not completely understanding but wanting to ease his pain nonetheless.
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