Capítulo 16: I Want to Sing-a!
A happy sigh escaped my throat as I woke up on this fine Thursday morning. Or whatever the closest thing can be labeled as 'fine' when in Hell. Mundane, but still happy to be alive. Though some of you may not care for mundane which is understandable. I personally feel content unless bored to do something about it. And as you can imagine, today was going to be another day that'll change just that.
So went the day. Get dressed. Eat a sufficient breakfast. Head to work another day for with Blitz, Loona and M&M. Today wasn't another assignment that would require my assistance yet. So off I went to cleaning. Merely ten minutes after Blitz, Moxxie and Millie took off whilst I cleaned the windows, I get a call from Vortex. Putting my stuff down for the moment, I answered.
"Hello?"
"'Sup, Barry? It's Tex."
"Oh, hey man. What's up?" So nice to make new friends.
"Just doing my regular shit. How about you?"
"Oh, nothing special. Just in the process of window cleaning." I then added in a light joke. "Next thing you know, I'll be playing chimney sweep because suddenly my boss wants to have a chimney for some fucking reason."
I heard a light chuckle from the other end. "That'd be a tragedy."
"Speaking of plugged holes, how's that boss of yours? She still being a diva or whatever?."
"Not really. Soon as you guys left that day, we got arrested for that incident. More to the point, my boss is on probation. No more going up to the human world until further notice."
"Bummer. Sorry you got arrested too. Guilt by association is a fucking pain depending on the circumstances."
"Ah, don't worry about it. I got off pretty easy. Jail time with bail. Thanks to my girlfriend, she paid the bail."
"Well, lucky you." I said with a smirk. "Anything else eventful going on?"
"Oh, just a little buzz going around." I could hear the slight change in his tone that he suddenly got smug about something. I wasn't sure if I liked it. "It seems someone on the web has quite the singing voice."
I knew it. Rolling my eyes, I scoffed. "Goddammit, you too?! Is there anyone in Hell that hasn't seen me make a fool of myself?!"
"Ah, don't worry about it man. I thought you did pretty good. We all saw the video."
"By we, you mean you, Verosika and the slut squad?"
"Yeah, one of her succubi was browsing and pretty soon we all watched you shaking your ass."
Irritation. Annoyance. Contempt. These were the feelings rising in me. Yes, so far, there have been compliments after some mild teasing. But how long until it goes back to teasing and then mocking. "Lemme guess, they got a real laugh orgasm out of it?" I said, allowing a small bit of annoyance to slip as I tried not to have my sarcasm get in the way way.
"Uh, not entirely. Coco and Apple thought it was adorable. Kiki thought it was sad. Ace and Josh got a laugh out of it. And Kat seemed to be the only one that enjoyed it aside from me."
"And Queen Suck-a-dick?"
Tex paused for a moment. "Hard to tell, really. The part that got me a little concerned was how she smiled about it. You know, that kind of smile you get when you're scheming about something?"
I stopped mid-swipe. Anyone that's seen any show or film knows that that kind of look doesn't always mean a good thing. "Scheming about what exactly?"
"I can't honestly tell you, man. Like I said, I don't get paid enough to get involved with anything personal. But I think you might be wanna be careful. Just a friendly warning."
"I'll take your word for it. Anyway, I gotta get back to work. It's almost my lunch break and I forgot to make something before coming to work."
"Small suggestion, but you can try Arlo's Wings of Heresy. They have over fifteen kinds of flavors and every level of spicy you can imagine. With or without the bone."
"Wings do sound good right about now," I pondered in thought. "Alright. I'll give 'em try. Anyway, catch ya later, man."
"Later, Barry."
Thus ended our conversation. Tex wasn't so bad after all. Guess there are some good folk in Hell after all. I mean, no shit. If the likes of Mox and Millie weren't proof enough, who else would be? I went ahead and looked up the wing shop on my phone. Turns out it was only seven minutes away. Might as well.
"I'll be back in a bit," I told Loona as I put my cleaning supplies to the side. "I'm gonna take my lunch now and I'm walking a few ways to where I need to go. You want anything? I'm checking out this wing place and I'll be happy to grab you a small bit of something if you want."
"Nope. I'm good here." Loona plainly said. She only gave me a half glance before returning to her phone again.
I exhaled through my nose in annoyance. "Just make sure Blitz knows, okay?" I went through the door and set off to this curious house of wings.
A few moments later…
I reached my destination in accordance to the designated route provided to me. It was one of those small buildings within a complex, set up shop next to other businesses that found occupancy within the same building. To put it in better perspective, it's the same concept you see with a Shell gas station sharing the same space as a McDonald's.
A moderate line of customer, about twelve people or so, were already waiting in line for their taste of supposed good wings. The best thing I can hope for is the line to move smoothly and quick with no slowpokes or whining asshats holding up the line. I only have an thirty minute break in between the shift and I got to get back before I get chewed out by our little leader. Not that he'd probably care, but it's best I don't give him a reason to.
To make a decision fast (too slow), I went with whatever the guy at the register recommended and went with a five-of-three kind of deal (five wings of three types). For flavors, I went with garlic parmesan, honey mustard, and teriyaki (unless some of you like to go the generic route of barbecue and/or hot wings). Took about five or ten minutes for my wings to get done. Presented to me, I became most impressed. If they tasted as good as they smelled, I'm in for a treat.
Paying the guy, I grabbed some of those shitty napkins you always get from places like this or meal trucks, and sat myself down on an open bench. My nose took in another whiff of my little platter, preparing my taste buds for what might be one of the best things in Hell yet. Using the ol' moe way of decision making, (eeny-meeny-miny-moe, but I don't think if I'll want any "moe" after this. Heh-heh. Ah, fuck it. It's a cliched pun and we know it.) the garlic parmesan was my first victim. My teeth ached to chomp down on these succulent morsels. And I was up until…
"Well, hello handsome," said a rather familiar voice. My eyes widened whilst my memory banks activated, leaving my mouth half open as it prepared to engage biting into my chicken wings. Oh, that voice was familiar alright.
"Please don't tell me this isn't who I think it is." Slowly, I turned. But to my utmost dismay, it was indeed the she-bitch herself, Verosika. There she stood behind me, leaning with a hand on her curvy hips. In shocked disappointment, I froze as I felt the wing fell from my two hands. "What…in the name of Satan…are you doing here? If you're still sore about what happened the last time we met, take it up with Blitz. He's the one you have a history with, not me."
"Weren't you also the one who spoiled my performance with your own little performance?" The succubus asked with a raised brow. Standing behind her was Vortexwhi gave me a small wave in greeting, being chill.
Crap! She remembered. "Only because of what you did to me!" Reflecting back on that day in the studio, I cringed and shuddered. "I still feel violated after you and the skank crew nearly, as Blitz put it, access any of my holes! How the fuck did you find me, anyway?"
"Sit on an ice pack and cool it, dick cheese," she retorted, taking a seat opposite of me. Her hell hound still stood behind her, arms folded. "If they didn't place me on probation, I'd be furious with you." The succubus gave herself a moment to calm down before starting again. "That's not really the reason I'm here."
"Let me guess. It has something to do with a certain video of me, right?" I asked with a raised, quizzical brow.
A small smile was her response. "You're very perceptive, aren't you?"
"Well, it couldn't be because of my mundane looks. Trust me, I'm very aware of how I look. I'm no handsome incubi, but at least I pass off better than the uglier schmucks."
"In spite of your nice little moment of amateur hour, I found something…rather interesting," she said with probable intrigue. She leaned on the table with her hands intricately folded. "You certainly got a voice. With a little bit of tweaking, you can be better."
I narrowed my eyes at her, curious but cautious. "Continue."
"Here's the deal. Come by the studio sometime this weekend, just sing a little something for us, and we can discuss the possibility of you joining are little band. That sound good enough for you?"
I leaned back in my chair, nibbling on a wing in thought. On the hand, it's a nice opportunity only a fool can pass up. Too nice if you ask me. On the other hand, no one should trust a silver platter. There's almost always a catch to these golden ticket opportunities and I will not be the fool. "I don't know." I said warily. "How do I know this ain't another trap set up by you and your posse?"
Verosika exhaled with an irritated scoff. "Fine! Lemme spell it out for you!" Snapping her fingers, a demon dressed in a slick striped suit slipped out of her limo behind me. I can best describe him as one could describe a sleazy-looking lawyer. This guy being a demon, however, added a few touches to make him look more distrusting. His facial features looked similar to that of a moray eel, only he had a tooth stick out more from his bottom jaw and one eye bigger than the other. "My lawyer," Verosika explained.
Said lawyer reached into his shiny black suitcase and pulled out a sheet of paper. He handed it to me and I took it from him. He was creeping me out with that one, big unblinking eye just staring me. Mentally putting it aside, I turned my attention to the pop singer. "This supposed to be an apology letter of some sort?" I asked, my tone slightly saturnine.
"It's a copy of my court order, you sarcastic ass hat," she replied. It seems my tone made her a bit bitter. Can you blame me? After what she did to me and Moxxie? It's still a little hard to let go when it happens to a guy like myself. "I had a feeling you wouldn't believe me after what I did to you so here. Happy?"
I engaged my attention to this court order and read it thoroughly. It seems that until further notice, Verosika was not allowed to perform for the surface world. It also stated that Miss Slut is to be further punished if she has even the slightest scent of Beezlejuice on her. I read everything thoroughly and pursed my lips with convinced satisfaction. "Mm hm. This has got to be embarrassing for you, huh?"
"Don't press your luck." Verosika said smugly. "You're not that cute." She relaxed and offered me a little smile. "Luckily for you, I'm willing to look past it. Tell me, how much singing experience do you have?"
To be truthful, I had some experience with a church choir at a church my family use to go to way years ago. But I couldn't tell her that. Because a) this would lead to too much suspicion, and b) there's unbelievable doubt that there's any kind of church here in Hell. Seems like I'll have to improvise a lie and fast. "Well, when I first started out as a new employer of I.M.P., I swiped some stupid human's phone after we killed him. Long story short, I got bored and decided to look through the guy's phone. I got curious and listened to some human music. You'd be surprised how many bangers there are."
"Uh-huh. And you couldn't afford one of your own?"
"It's not like he was going to take it with him in Hell. I'm pretty sure when go to Heaven or Hell, you can't take earthly possessions with you."
"And how would you know that?" Verosika raised a questionable eyebrow at me.
"Moxxie and Millie educated me about it when no one else did. Mox you might remember as the other imp you guys violated as well."
"Who?"
I made certain gestures in describing Moxxie to her. "He's about yay high? Wears a bow tie? Felt it was condescending when you guys mocked him for his height?"
"Oh, that guy." Verosika said in realization.
"Yeah, him. If he were here, he'd advise me against it. He'd be right, of course." I paused to check the time. "If it's all the same to you, I want to think it over a while. Just give me a little time to ponder about it."
"And also give me time to think of any contingencies in case this doesn't go well. You can't take up an opportunity like this without some minor precautions."
"That's not too much to ask, is it?"
Verosika pursed her lips, possibly stewing it over in her mind. Her lips curled into a strange smile. "Fair enough." She stood up and nodded to her lawyer. As if rehearsed, he whipped out a business card and handed it to me. I took it precociously and read it. Verosika resumed talking as she got up to leave. "In case you change up your mind. See ya, handsome." And off she went, her lawyer slinking behind her as took off in her limo. Vortex gave me a small salute before getting in himself.
I watched them peel out before looking back at the card again. It seems Miss Succu-bitch wasn't kidding. When I looked up the address on my phone on the back, it did indeed pull up the place on *ahem* IMPQUEST (what do you want from me? It was the best play on words I can think of when there's something like "Sin"stagram down here). It looked quite impressive. If you were rich. Two stories tall and cubed, the house certainly had the appeal of "you must be this rich to buy".
Once I got back to the office, I pondered it over in my head. So, let's break it down. On the hand, it'd be a stupid idea to not take it up. What's that old saying? Never look a gift horse in the mouth? Yeah, and it's also true you should never trust a silver platter. As I may or may not have noted already. To put it bluntly, seek and pursue any opportunity with caution and care. But who to talk to about it? Certainly not Blitz, cause…well you know. He'd probably hate the idea or think of it as an opportunity for him to get at Verosika even more. If it was vice versa with her, I wouldn't be surprised and yet concerned. And I don't really think Moxxie is quite ready to move past what happened to him. I honestly don't blame him. Loona? Hmm, don't know. She'd probably be all on board if it was any means to hang with Vortex and less about what she thought about my singing. That would only leave Millie, Octavia, and Stolas.
Perhaps after work, I could probably talk to them about it. Starting with Millie. She's one of the few people I know down here that has an opened mind. And I certainly can count on Stolas being secretive about this proposal should I accept, while also heeding me some form of caution. As for Octavia,…I'm not sure what she'll say. Hopefully it's something that might be helpful.
"Hey there, Barry. Doing good?" I heard Millie ask me. Her speaking made me jump a little as I was being too much into my thoughts.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Why? Something up?" I asked her. I had to add this just in case Blitz was within range. "And no, Blitz! No need for phrasing that!" Back to Millie. "Something wrong?"
"Oh, no. Not really. I'm always used to seeing you with your headphones on most of the time. And yet l, today you haven't."
"So? There's no problem with that is there?"
"No. You've just been awful quiet ever since you got back from break." Millie started to sound concerned. "Did something happen? Did someone try to jump you or try to harass you? Whoever or whatever it is, you can tell me." She then pulled out her axe and held it at the ready. "I'll be happy to take good care of it."
"Easy, Mills." I said, gesturing her to ease down. "It's nothing that serious. I did run into someone. But I don't think here is a good place to talk about it." I looked around to make sure no one else was around. I signaled her to follow me into the janitorial closet. It was the only quiet place I could have a private conversation. Where else would I go?
Once in the closet (phrasing), I told her everything that happened as I sat on a tub of plaster. "And that all leads up to the present time. You and me talking about it in this itty, bitty close space."
"Were you thinkin' about joining her?" Millie asked.
"Well, I thought about it. I mean, I am part opportunistist. But what holds me back in saying yes is what might happen if I do."
"You mean, like, the fame goin' to your head and such."
"A little bit. But I'm not entirely worried about that. I've seen and heard my share of people getting famous and then crash-and-burn when they don't have control over their lives. What I am worried about is what the motive is. I'm probably overthinking it, but anything could happen and it's been bugging me since. Like what if it's a setup, like a casbah? How dare they!"
"Barry, if you feel like it's a bad thing, then just say no."
"I would, but-"
"But you're worried that it might be a once and a lifetime opportunity you don't want to pass up."
"Well,…yeah."
Millie sighed and placed a hand on my knee. "Sweetie, if you want to do it, then do it like you said. Try it out and see how it goes. And if Miss Popstar does try anything, you let me know and I'll make them cocksuckers eat their own ass."
"Awfully specific, but you're right. I'll test the waters and see if it's smooth enough to sail on. I only wanted a second opinion from someone I could trust."
"Aww, that's sweet of you, Barry." Millie smiled warmly as she patted my hand dearly. "You know you're always more than welcome to ask Moxxie or me about anything that's on your mind."
I smiled back at her. I knew I could always count on her for assurance. "Thanks, Mills." I then asked her million-dollar question number forty-two. "Do you think I'm good enough to play onstage? I kind of have some doubts about it."
"Barry, I've heard you practice and learn from Moxxie. If there's anything I'm proud of him teaching you, it's you getting better with practice. You already sing great. If it's not enough for Verosika, then no big loss. What have you got to lose?"
Yeah. What have I got to lose? Whatever the inevitable might be, it's best to prepare for it. And pray that it turns out for the better. And as I later learned, it was a *ahem* a "helluva" fun time.
Status de energia semanal
-- Ranking de
Poder 
-- Pedra de
Poder