Capítulo 19: 18. What are We…?
Spinning,
Around...
And around...
Again..
And again..
This song seeming to have no end in sight, an end that's not close enough for me to reach.
And honestly I don't want the song to end,
If it does then I'm left with the silence that I've been trying to avoid.
If it ends...
Then what do I dance to...
Do I dance to the beat of my own heart?
If I have to then I will never dance again,
Because at this very moment it feels like my heart has stopped beating.
So as my body spins around...
And around
I'm glad that I have the music.
How else am I going to express everything I'm feeling...
If the music stops then I have to face everything ..
I have to face..
Nick…..
For once the spinning stops, and as my red, tear filled face looks at her reflection in the mirror, I'm left with all the memories of the past days.
And as I remember...
All the bottled up feelings pour out of my un-beating heart.
Leaving me to finally face them...
And again I face them alone.
~~
Next day after picking the song-
-Tuesday-
"Hey NICK WAIT UP!"
Catching up to him I tap on his shoulder
As the last bell of the day rings I look for Nick in hopes to go to the studio to practice our duet.
But as he turns around his face looks anything but happy...
He looks annoyed.
"Sorry but I'm busy at the moment... I'll catch you later"
Moving away from me he walks down the hallway side by side with Justin,
Leaving me to stand there.
'But we're supposed to practice-..'
Taking in a deep breath I smile as I walk out of the school, making my way to the studio as it should be empty.
'I guess I'll just learn the dance and show him later!'
With confident steps I start to run to the studio.
-Wednesday-
"NICK let's go practice, the studio should be em-.."
"-.. CANT I have plans today, I'll go tomorrow"
Pulling Jake with him they leave the school and I'm left..
Alone.
Again...
Grabbing onto my backpack tightly I sigh out, heading to the studio alone once again.
'He said he would tomorrow, maybe he's just busy.. let's just wait for tomorrow'
And again as I practice the dance that was supposed to be a duet I'm left alone to fill in his place beside me.
-Thursday-
As my hand comes up to to tap Nick on the shoulder I over hear his conversation with Sam.
"So skating today? That's what we agreed on yesterday right?"
And as Sam nods his head yes my hand starts to feel heavy as it falls down to my side.
"Oh hey Shim Shim"
Sam smiles at me from over his shoulder, and as Nicks back tenses up he turns his head to look at me.
"Sorry bu-..."
"-.. yeah I get it, you're busy"
Brushing his shoulder I cut him off and walk past the two,
And this time as I walk out of the school and towards the studio by myself I keep my emotions inside again.
'Be strong... please be strong'
~~
Looking at her...
I smile at her...
And for some reason my reflection doesn't smile back.
She looks sad,
She looks broken,
She looks hurt,
She looks....
Alone….
Throwing myself back into the music I spin one more time, tripping over myself I fall to the floor, with my body on the cool floor somehow it almost makes me feel..
Warm.
As my head hangs and my tears keep falling down the curves of my face I pull my knees up, hugging them tightly I burry my face in my knees.
The creaking of the door brings my attention back to where I am.
Wiping my face quickly I stand up, walking to the mirror I grab my bag, turning around I don't stop to look at him.
Already knowing exactly who it is I avoid him, walking straight past him as our shoulders brush.
It's the softest touch but I feel it,
his hand shoots out to grab mine.
"Wait where are you go-..."
"Where am I going?
Anywhere but here.. with you, because you know what Nick I'm so sick of this! You were supposed to be here…With me! But I've had to pull all the weight by MYSELF! learning this STUPID DANCE BY MYSELF NICK! and you're asking me where I'm going?
BUT WHERE WERE YOU!? Huh Nick… where were you?"
Yanking my hand out of his grip I continue to walk away from him and out of the studio
With one last glance over my shoulder I look at him, standing there.
"But don't worry, I've already asked to switch partners, now you can blow me off without having to worry... though I doubt you were anyways...
see you later...-
...Nick"
The door slams behind me, and for once I hope he feels just as bad as I feel right now, I shouldn't but I hope he feels...
Alone.
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