Capítulo 56: Top 10 Favorite Candies
100 Grand Bar
Who wouldn't love rice crispies, caramel and chocolate? Also, wouldn't love to melt it all down, pour it all over Channing Tatum's body while he is standing and then try to catch ever single drop as it slowly dripped from his every ripple, muscle and dangly part?
Junior Mints
What is more appealing than a cardboard box filled up with small soft mint liquid covered in chocolate? Not too much. The chocolate is so thin that when it is touched to human skin it erodes instantly, perfect for "50 Shades of Grey" style love play, dude on dude style.
Snickers
A) Peanuts, B) Nugget, C) Caramel, and covered in luscious milk chocolate. Mmhmm! Just sliding that hard bar in and out of my mouth, faster and faster and faster and faster until the caramel slowly snails its way down my chin.
Mamba
This candy is like generic starburst. So fruity and yummy, yet it holds back the full punch of flavor until the very end. It's like having to bust a nut after months of not doing so but trying everything you can to not bust at all. So invigorating and so tantalizing!
Fruity Mentos
A delicious tube of ten to twelve fruity hard but chewable candies, what could make you harder other than a good bondage session? Very delicious, long lasting fruitiness to quench your inner fruitiness.
Twix
Not only is it a cookie with caramel on top but it's covered with chocolate. The biggest surprise is there are two identical bars in each package. Perfect for a snuggle date with your hetero life mate while you two sit and watch Will and Grace in your snuggies and wish that show was your life.
Orange Slices (7-11Brand)
What a bargain!! Two bags for two dollars, about thirty pieces total. Delicious orange slices, gummy texture, covered with large pieces of sugar. This candy makes me hard as a rock. You must buy the 7-11 brand to get the full flavor and bargain. The blood is flowing straight to my gens right now!
Mini Reece Cups
Everyone has tried a Reese cup and a mini Reese cup. This candy is the most erotic candy ever, it really does invoke a sort of sensual situation in your pants. I prefer to eat the cup from bottom up, much like I prefer to eat my male partners!
Skor
This has got to be the least tried candy bar of all time. Hersey's introduced this butter toffee milk chocolate bar to compete directly against the Lead Inc. Heath bar in the early 80s. I tried these only a year or two ago. I haven't stopped sense. I like to suck the tip of the bar until all the chocolate goes away and I'm just sliding this large, brown bar in and out of my mouth.
Hersey's HUGS
This is the most tantalizing candy on the market, which makes it a must buy for me. You can actually eat it very slowly, the top layer is white and milk chocolate mixed and the inside is all milk chocolate. It's like living with your special man and then finally making love until you both explode in each other's mouths…kind of like that. This is my number one!!!!!!!!!!!
Side Note:
The only reason Skittles didn't make the list is a heartbreaking tale of terror and misfortune. When I was seven years old about to turn eight, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was casually eating a pack of skittles that I received as an early birthday present just minutes before. Suddenly, I noticed a spider climbing on the outside of my right shoe. It was like the spider knew I had spotted him, he took off up my calf into my shorts! I didn't want to spill my skittles but I wanted the spider off of me. I dropped my shorts faster than the first time I dreamt of making love to a woman, examined my coin purse for the spider and slightly began to cry.
Out of nowhere, my winky was struck with the force of one thousand bullet. I flinched so bad that the entire pack of skittles I was holding flew in the air. When I flinched my winky kind of flew up, as guys say now, it went from 6 o'clock to 12 o'clock. At that very moment in time, that son of a bitch known as gravity rained the skittles down towards my crotch area. During this hail storm of skittles, my winky somehow expanded its winky hole and "swallowed" a skittle. It went two inches into my winky and I had to have surgery to get the skittle out because letting it slowly dissolve would have taken three months and I had to pee! I also had to have four surgeries to salvage what was left of my winky and have it made into a vagina. Oh what a month that was!
I kept my balls though.
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