Capítulo 8: CHAPTER 8: Damien
You can spend your whole life judging me, blaming me for the bad decisions I take and the people I love. But you won't stand a minute living my life in my stead.
"Those hungry for my blood are not immune!" -Rumi.
...
This is exactly why I always try my best to not talk during sex with him, or any intimate moment. I stop moving and open my eyes.
And Oh. My. God. Andrew is staring at me in surprise. Jesus fucking Christ! He surely heard me.
Andrew actually just heard me calling ANOTHER NAME, while we were in the climax of our intimacy. How can I explain myself now, I literally have nothing to defend myself.
I feel like a panic attack coming on the way, the blood begins to pound in my ears, my heart is beating so freaking fast and I am literally shaking. I don't know why I'm that scared that much right now.
"Why did you stop" he decides to say, after a long awkward silence.
I try to answer but I can't speak, I try to come out with an excuse or anything but I just can't. I can't stop looking at him.
"I'm...I'm just...I don't know" I say, my voice comes out so low, I don't know if he was able to hear it or not.
"Oh! I really forgot that you are tired from what happened earlier. I'm sorry, you need to rest, Jess" he says, with a guilty voice. I nod in agreement, but I'm the truth is I am just stunned that this is his reaction to what I said.
"You're right, Andrew" that's all I manage to say right now. And I'm grateful that I could spell it.
I move to the side of the bed, still stunned, he leans down to me for a kiss on my forehead. He gives me a soft kiss, just like his soul.
"I love you. I'm going to go take a shower and be right back" he says, as he climbs off the bed peacefully, leaving me alone with my shock.
I can't believe he didn't hear me, I'm pretty sure I said it loud enough for him to hear it. I may not have feelings for Andrew but I don't like to hurt him, I really can't see him hurt because of me.
It makes me feel guilty and I really hate to feel that. I already wasted half of my life mourning and feeling guilty about things for which I had no power or control over.
To be honest, I'm still a bit shocked because I said his name. that cursed muddy name. I thought I forgot about him. But clearly I'm still haunted by a ghost from the past, or maybe I am the one who's still haunting it. I really don't know...
I decide to do the same thing I do whenever I'm feeling confused. I call my best friend. Actually the only friend I have that I can talk to without thinking that she may think I'm crazy.
"HEYYYY" Betty says, she picks up from the second ring.
"Hey, how are you" I say. Not sure anymore if I should tell her. She won't judge me or anything but I'm just not very comfortable to say out loud what I did.
"I'M FIIIINE, what about you, how's life going. I was about to call you by the way" she says.
Betty speaks very fast and very loud; I often find it hard to keep up with what she's saying.
"I'm good, it's just...honestly it's been a messed up couple of days" I say.
As if things weren't messed up my whole fucking life.
"What's wrong?" she asks, I think about her question for a minute. Really, what is exactly wrong?
"Just tell me whose heart did you destroy this time, Jess" she asks again, when I stay silent.
"Why would you say such a thing?" I answer her with another question, feeling a bit attacked by her question. Am I that hard to deal with?
"Because my sweet friend you have this weird talent of Ruining Everything Good in My Life and Cry about It Later. Not literally crying, because I have never seen you crying, but you know what I mean" Betty says, with her confident loud voice.
I can't agree more. No matter how hard I try to fix my life, I just find myself fucking up the good parts.
"I think you're right" I admit and I'm certain that she's fighting the urge to not say 'I'm always right Bitch'. "It's Andrew" I continue, with a low voice.
"What about him?" Betty asks, she sounds somehow more serious and concerned than before.
"I called him by another name during sex" I answer her, in a quiet voice, in case Andrew's coming.
"Oh my God, Jessica" she says, very surprised. She doesn't add a word after that.
That is literally the first time Betty runs out of words. I must have done something unspeakable.
"He didn't hear me, I promise you. He didn't say anything" I assure her. "I'm just surprised I said it"
"Well, you're perfectly safe if he really didn't hear you. But...I mean...I don't know...like...what if you do it again" she says, hesitating.
I didn't think about this, I didn't even consider it. I was just worried whether Andrew heard me or not and why I did say the name...Damien.
"I'll talk to you later" I tell her on the phone and I end the call.
I am always in control of the emotions I show to people AND what comes out of my mouth no matter how much sensational the moment could be.
Okay. Let's not overthink about something that still doesn't happen and probably won't. But I can't stop replaying the scene in my head, the look on Andrew's face. That look that I will never forget.
No. I won't let my anxiety gets to me this time. It just slipped out of my mouth and it WON'T happen again. EVER.
.
.
Andrew's POV:
.
.
I'm delighted by the sight of her like that, on top of me, with no clothes but clothed in beauty and perfection.
I love to feel her inside me, well technically I AM inside of her, but that's how I feel. The moment she got on my cock I felt so excited, I could've came but I controlled myself. Even that it's so hard for me to be in control around Jessica.
I sigh as she moves up and down, it feels like my life is falling to wayside and I'm only there.
My cock fills up with desire and longing while it is wrapped by my lover's warm and loving embrace.
She closes her eyes, while I'm watching her moving with confidence.
"God! Jessica, you look so sexy on me" I say as the sensations getting so intense. I feel like I'm going to get to the...
"Damien" Jessica says, moaning.
Wait. What?
No. Please. That's not what I heard, it can't be real.
She opens her eyes, and stares at me shockingly, like she too doesn't believe what she just said. So now I'm sure she did say another name than mine while she's sleeping with me.
Now, there's nothing but the sound of complete silence and blankness, plus that name coming out of her lips at the back of my head.
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BlackIs_TheRealist
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