Capítulo 11: Chapter 11: The Idol and Her Fan
XEÑA 🎯
Hinintay namin ni Zyrille na umalis lahat ng tao dito sa field bago simulan ang pag-uusap.
Kinuha niya ang pana at palaso tsaka sinimulang tumira sa board. Bullseye.
Dahil sa nangangawit na ang paa ko sa kakatayo, I decided na umupo na lamang sa damuhan.
"Do you still remember how I learned the game of archery?" Pag-uumpiea niya and I remained silent.
"We were still young that time. Nung nakita kita na naglalaro ng archer sa bakuran natin, the way you handled a bow, the way you focused your eyes in targeting the board, the way you hit the center, you made me amaze like it was tge most wonderful thing I wanted to experience. I could say na sa araw na iyon ay para mo akong naging fan. As I know that you made yourself learn that by your own. Nakakatawang isipin na ako yung mas matanda sa ating dalawa pero mas nauna mo pang ma-discover yung talent mo. That's why I runned towards Dad at sinabi sa kanya na 'Dad napakagaling po ni Xeña sa arcgery. Dad, gusto ko ring matuto nun.' kaya nga pinasok niya ako sa isang Saturday lesson about archery hanggang sa naging marunong ako. Nagawa kong makipagsabayan sa iyo at ito na yung palagi nating nilalaro. We were so close before but one day, sa school naghahanap ang mga teacher ng pwedeng mag-represent ng school sa archery, sabay tayong nagpa-screening. Fight fight ang laban nating dalawa. Pero sa huli, ako ang pinili. I was happy at first but not until you walked away. Yun na yung start na naging mailap ka sa akin. Yung gusto kitang makausap pero iniiwasan mo ako. Xen, gustung-gusto kong sabihin sayo nun na sa ating dalawa, ikaw ang dapat na sanang pipiliin ng school, na I was just a second choice that time pero dahil sa edad, mas kinonsidera nila ako," I just stared at her at umiwas din agad. I was hurt that time, hindi ko lang kasi matanggap nun na mas pinili siya ng school. I really wanted to be the representative that time. Oo, bata palang ako, ambisyosa na ako. Masyado akong determined nun na ako ang pipiliin. Bago pa kami magpa-screening nun, sinasabi pa ni Zyrille na sa aming dalawa, mas nakakaangat ako sa kanya. And it hurts my ego nang mas pinili siya ng school without further explanation na hindi ko rin pinilit pang alamin. But here's Zyrille who is now giving explanation of what happened a long time ago.
"That's why sa competition, iniisip kita nun. Yung mas pinili ko pang galingan at manalo hindi dahil para sa school kundi para sa'yo. That time, I was considering myself as a fan who wanted to fulfill what her idol wished to do so," she said and then sighed. "Akala ko nun, kapag nag-high school ako, magiging maayos na ang lahat kase ikaw na yung magre-represent sa elementary level pero hindi. Bumitaw ka agad, iniwan mo agad ang archery."
"Nung narinig kong nagkwento ka kay Manang na pinili ka ng school pero hindi mo tinanggap and when she asked you kung bakit... I was hurt noong sinabi mong, 'Nakikita lang nila ako dahil wala na si Zyrille? No way! I don't want to be her successor," she said while mimicking what I had said before to Manang. It was followed by a moment of silence. After that, she sitted in front of me and let her touch my hand. I'm just staring on our hands because right now, I don't have strength to look at her, now that any moment her eyes will be in tears.
"Xen, I'm sorry. Sorry dahil sa kagustuhan kong matuto ng archery, inagaw ko yung pagkakataon na dapat sa iyo, na dapat ikaw yung kinikilala at hinahangaan sa larangang ito at hindi ako. Sorry kasi ako yung sumira ng pangarap mo. Sorry dahil nagawa mong isipin na nare-recognize ka lamang bilang pamalit sa akin. And I'm so sorry that because of me, you had lost the interest to show who you are, the truth with your ability," she said with full of regrets while crying.
I closed my eyes and tried to not burst any tear.
"It hurts, Zy. It really hurts. You know how I love archery that much pero nagawa kong tumigil at sabihin sa sarili na, wala namang kwenta yung paglalaro ko ng archery, walang kwenta dahil mas narecognize yung kakayahan mo kaysa sa akin. Dagdagan pa ng feelings na sa ating dalawa, na sa ating pamilya, parang nabubura ang landas ko bilang isang anak," I said. Ok na sana kung archery lang yung naging issue sa aming dalawa pero lumipas kasi yung araw na siya na yung palaging nakikita ng parents ko.
"Xen, hindi totoo yan, mahal ka nila."
"Talaga ba, Zyrille? Pagmamahal ba yung laging kinukumpara ako sa'yo? Pagmamahal ba yung imbes na purihin ako, tatanungin pa kung bakit ito lang? Pagmamahal ba yung nandiyan lang sila para pagalitan ako, kapag may kapalpakan akong ginawa? Zyrille, nasaan yung pagmamahal noong kailangan ko sila, noong oras na may kagimbal-gimbal na nangyari sa buhay ko?" At hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong sumigaw at mapaluha.
"Xen..."
"Zyrille, to tell you the truth, hindi lang naman ikaw yung rason kung bakit itinigil ko ang archer. Yung kanina, yung performance ko, ang dapat na sanang gagawin ko ay dayain yung sarili ko, magpapanggap dapat ako nun na hindi marunong kung hindi lang ako hinusgahan. I know that this will come na kapag ipinakita ko na may interes ako sa archery, may posibilidad na makuha ako at maglaro sa competition but I am not going to do that. I will never be in a competition because as far as I remember, nung nag-decide ako na tanggapin ang alok na maging representative sa archery, nung pinilit ako ng isang tao na puntahan at kausapin ang coach about the archery competition, yun din yung time or should I say a sign na yung tao din palang yun yung ile-let go ko."
After saying those words, I removed my hand from her and stood up as if I'm ready to left the place. Pero bago ko pa magawang tumalikod sa kanya, nagsalita ulit siya.
"Xen, sa'yo na mismo nanggaling. That person wanted you and is pushing you to reconciliate with archery. Why don't you try to erase that 'sign' idea and look at what that person wanted you to do?"
Her words made me freeze fpr a moment. Tumayo siya at kinuha ang bow then inserted three arrows and tried to hit the board. Afterwards, she sighed.
"Until now, I cannot able to hit the center with three arrows. But as far as I know, my idol can do that. And I'm hoping to see her again playing that equipment with tricks," she finally said and handled me a bow and arrow before leaving me alone in the archery ground.
And as soon as she left me ay bigla na lamang akong napasalampak sa damuhan habang ang mga mata ay nakatitig sa kagamitang nasa kamay ko. Until a memory came back into my mind.
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