Capítulo 7: [7] - The Hole In The Wall
Chapter 7
Chaeyoung and Lisa both lying on bed in their room, Chaeyoung resting her back on the headboard drying her hair after taking a short bath and Lisa resting her head on the pillow lying on her side.
Although their surprise to see Jennie performing the dance with Jisoo, made her mind distracted a little from what it was really occupying, but once it was over she returned to her full focus on who she saw today.
She still doesn't believe that this woman may be her mother. And if she really is, where she had been for all these years? Why didn't she take her back? Why did she leave her in the first place?
Many questions and their answer is one. An answer that causes her heart to feel squeezed, her soul to shake, and her faith to shatter. Her faith that one day her mother will come back in search of her and tells her that she did not mean to leave her in the monastery, that she had lost the way back to the monastery's address, that something big had happened that made her forget her there.
"They're late.." Chaeyoung suddenly speaks, pulling her out of her thoughts. "Where do you think they've gone?" She asks, tilting her hair to the side and brushing it with the comb.
- "Maybe something happened that required them to stay longer." Lisa responds coldly in a monotone, not usual of her, without turning around and keeps staring into the void.
Silence reigns between them and then Chaeyoung stops brushing her hair and leaves the comb aside, sighing impatiently.
"Okay. what's it? What's wrong?" Chaeyoung says as she adjusts her sitting to face Lisa who is still lying on her side.
"Lisa?" She addresses her again with a firmer tone.
Lisa takes a deep breath and then turns slowly to lie on her back, trying to look normal, and meets Chaeyoung, who was looking at her seriously, furrowing her eyebrows.
"What? There is nothing." Lisa answers shrugging indifferently.
"You've been out of it since you came back, so spill. What happened?"
-"Really, nothing. You're imagining things."
Chaeyoung rolls her eyes strongly to the point where Lisa thinks they will pop out of their quarries before she follows:
- "Lisa.. you can deceive the world, you can't deceive me. and now talk. what happened when you were out?"
Lisa takes another deep breath, tries to stay calm under Chaeyoung's insightful looks and replies:
"I'm not trying to deceive anyone. I told you, nothing happened and I'm fine."
She says, and then she tries to turn back to lie on her side again, fleeing from Chaeyoung's piercing gaze, but Chaeyoung stops her and puts her back on her back by placing her hand on her shoulder, to prevent her from moving again.
"Lisa." She says in a warning tone as she stares at her directly, wearing her expression that she rarely shows, the expression that makes you recite your last prayers when you feel your death is approaching.
The thing that no one knows about Chaeyoung but Lisa is that when she becomes serious, she becomes very intimidating. Very.
After feeling that she is about to explode under Chaeyoung eyes, Lisa resorts to her last escape. She lifts her body a little and throws herself onto Chaeyoung's chest, her arms surrounding her, pushing Chaeyoung to lie on her back. Hugging her.
Because she is still unable to tell her, and this was the safest solution.
"Can you give me some time? I promise, I will tell you.. but not now." Lisa says calmly and brokenly, letting out a shaky breath to prevent her tears from falling and tightens her arms around Chaeyoung.
Chaeyoung knows that Lisa was in the orphanage, but Lisa did not tell her that she rememberers how she got there or that she was not really an orphan.
She couldn't.
The more she grows up, the more she understands and the greater the desire to keep it a secret.
It is hard for her to tell her that her mother abandoned her.. that she didn't want her and that her mother was feeling dependent on her.. that she got better after she had removed her daughter weight off her.
That she was a mere offload to her mother.
She did not want Chaeyoung to see her in the image of an outcast, which even her family did not want her.
Surprised at first, Chaeyoung's expression then softens automatically and understands the difficulty of the matter with Lisa. She leans her head on Lisa's head and starts to run her hand on her back soothingly.
"Take all the time, and.." Chaeyoung assures softly, she follows, "Remember, I am always here for you."
She whispers her last phrase and kisses her crown afterwards.
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"Hotel?" Jennie says with amazement as soon as Jisoo parked the car next to the sidewalk, looking at the huge building, her eyes wandering over it.
- "Not just a hotel." Jisoo starts turning off the engine and exiting the car, followed by Jennie, when they're are on the same line, she completes, "This is a hotel with hot tubs."
"Aha!" Jennie says, nodding her head with understanding, but her still confused facial expressions say the opposite.
Jisoo rolls her eyes when she sees her reaction and elaborates:
"You were afraid that you would get a cold and nothing would be better to prevent that from happening than taking a hot bath.."
-"Oh really?" Jennie asks stopping right at the moment they arrived at the hotel's rotating door.
"No, not really. but it's still something that you have to try." Jisoo replies indifferently and then enters the hotel, followed by Jennie shaking her head helplessly and smiling.
As soon as Jisoo enters the interior, moments and a staff member appears and welcomes her warmly and bowing constantly.
"Miss Kim, it's an honor for us to see you coming to our hotel." He says wearing a wide smile as he accompanies her towards the reception area and Jisoo just nods to him.
"I would like to reserve a suite for the night.." Jisoo starts when she reaches the reception area, and the worker behind the desk nods to her, standing next to his co-worker while he is working on his computer. she adds,
"What about the hot tubs? Is there one available?"
- "Ah.. yes, of course. We'll book one for you right away!" He says eagerly assuring her.
Jennie was standing behind Jisoo looking around, not missing the looks of the other worker who had been looking at them suspiciously from time to time, mostly because of their messy appearance and their still wet hair.
"Let's go." Jisoo says as she moves away from the office to the elevator, Jennie follows quickly.
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Kim Eun Ji sits on her desk chair, re-watching the show that Jisoo and Jennie performed on her laptop, resting her forearms on the desk while holding a fist with her hand and the other hand flat on it. She watches in straight and disturbed expressions.
The upsetting thing wasn't about the dance alone, but about what followed after; the controversy that arose after it was raised by well-known websites, magazines and well-known journalists as they published articles regarding the performance of Jisoo and the other girl, the titles bear only her name and their content speaks only about her beauty and the beauty of the performance that she made.
It was a top tier shock to her and Jackson's mother, who was sitting next to her at the event. Their proud smiles and their vanity talk went out with the wind as soon as they saw the unknown girl entering the stage and then Jisoo following afterward.
She did not notice that she was standing up until the person sitting behind her asked her to sit because she was blocking the sight for him and then she rushed behind the stage to try to understand what was going on before the show started and cancel the dance, but when she arrived, the dance had already started.
She did not return to watch the performance, but remained behind the scenes, occupied by a lot of calls and messages from investors, which were raging about the 'change of plans', and whether the cooperation of the two companies still happening.
She did not answer them, and she only stood there for a few minutes trying to make guesses of what happened and all lead to one:
Jisoo knew.
She lifts her forearms away from the desk and massages her forehead when the door is knocked, after which her assistant enters.
"Madam, we still can't get to Mr. Wang and Ms. Jisoo's phone is still unavailable."
Eun Ji sighs, puts both of her hands aside on the chair, and tracks:
"And what about the girl who was with her at the event?"
- "We are still investigating about her, she must be a backup dancer."
She nods affirmatively and then he continues,
"Should I send someone behind Miss Jisoo?"
She look at him a little sharply and then she replies,
"No. She will come to me anyway."
She says with a fidget, pointing with her hand to him to get out, and then she swivels in her chair to face the wall of the glass that overlooks the city.
She keeps feeling that something will happen, something she will never like.
. . . . . . . .
With nothing but a large towel wrapped around her body and her hair that she has raised in a a messy bun, Jennie stands puzzled in front of the door that opens to the place where the hot tubs were, Jisoo told her that she will be there too.
Although Jisoo was the one who invited her to enter with her, she is still not sure about this. She means..what exactly is a hot tub? Jennie knows nothing about it except what she saw in the movies or Program shows and never entered one before. From what she saw, she know that people enter with their towels under the water. she doesn't know why she's so nervous.
Anyway, she must go inside now.
She reaches out and grabs the door handle and starts slowly opening the door as she enters, her first reaction once she looks at the place is a huge amazement.
It is a really beautiful, somewhat old-fashioned designed, full of steam and warm.
There was a large basin in front of her and it was empty, the whole place seemed empty, her eyes wandered around the place and when her eyes turned to the far right, she found Jisoo there.
Inside the other hot tub; her hair is also lifted in a messy bun, leaning back on her forearms on the edge, angling her head upward and eyes closed and..
"Oh shit!"
Jennie mutters loudly before she exsits at lightning speed and closes the door behind her forcefully.
"Damn. Sorry! I did not know! " She calls from behind the door as she steadies her breathing, feeling the heat climbing up to her neck.
Jisoo was naked.
And by naked, she doesn't mean she's naked under the towel..no. she had the privilege to see..
"Damn." She mutters to herself and then hears Jisoo calling out to her from the inside:
"Jennie? you can come in!"
- "No! I can come back when you're done!" Jennie replies with her hand still on the handle.
"It's all right! I was the one who invited you to come in with me anyway!" Jisoo insists.
Jennie falls silent for a moment and she thinks about it. There is nothing wrong with it, right? Also, she must have covered herself now.
She tightens her grip on the door, slowly reopening it and entering, and then closing the door behind her and no.. Jisoo didn't cover herself.
Which makes her hold her gaze only on Jisoo's head, she is still in the same position as before, and this time her features mask a weak smile.
Maybe that's how it is here? Who knows? and besides that, it makes more sense, it is a bathtub after all.. kinda.
Jennie takes a steady steps until she is close to Jisoo's hot tub and takes a deep breath, then opens the towel and lets it fall from her body to the floor tiles. Maybe Jisoo never opened her eyes because she was giving Jennie some privacy, something Jennie was thankful for.
Jennie sits on the surface of the edge while one of her legs slowly slides into the tub and the hot water followed by the other leg until she fully enters.
The water level reached up her stomach while she was standing, and when she lies on the tub borderline, which was designed as a seat also, the water level barely reaches the chest area, as was the case with Jisoo.
Adapting to the hot water, which was nice and warm, she could feel herself relaxing and the fatigue she was feeling diminishing.
Jennie was sitting sideways so that Jisoo could only see her from the side because she was still somewhat shy and conservative.
Jisoo, on the other hand, looked so calm and confident as if it was something nonchalant, something she does every day. She must have come here a lot.. with other people.
It was a random idea, but she couldn't prevent herself from asking, "So.. you do this a lot? With your girl-friends and such?"
Jennie asks adjusting her position to sit like Jisoo and closes her eyes as well, lifting her head up a little.
Her question was in a tone of faux indifference, lined with hesitation, as if she did not want to hear the answer.
- "No. this is the first time." Jisoo answers her calmly.
Jennie furrows her eyebrows a bit in confusion, asking once again to make sure:
"Your first time in a hot tub?"
- "My first time being naked in front of anyone."
Jennie flashes her eyes open and straightens her neck, staring into the void as she begins to grasp Jisoo's answer.
Did she hear that right?
Jisoo didn't..? Only her..?
What does that mean?
This time she turns her head to look at Jisoo: she's still as she is and her eyes still closed, and the redness that once was spread over her chest is back now, it must be because of the warm steam, Jennie thought.
Without realizing, her eyes drifts from Jisoo's face to her neck,
To her shoulders,
Her collarbones,
her upper chest,
Her breasts.. and her gaze stops there for a while, feeling her breath hitches at the sight, and then continues to the top of her abdomen, down her stomach.. she does not return to her senses until her gaze reaches the hip line and she quickly returns it to Jisoo's face, who is now looking at her with a smirk on her face.
"Oh..oh.. sorry- I- I didn't.. I didn't mean to-" she stutters nervously as she turns her head quickly, she can feel her cheeks burning.
Maybe it is time to say goodbye to this world and this life.
Jisoo chuckles and adds, "It's fine."
She falls silent for a moment and then,
"By the way, you have pretty good package over there. " Jisoo finishes with a playful tone, prompting Jennie to look at her again, squinting her eyes with confusion.
"What?" Jennie asks and Jisoo answers by raising her eyebrows up a little and directing her eyes down from Jennie's face, pointing to the two girls.
Yes, the 'two girls'.
When Jennie catches her signal, she reddens and covers her breasts with her arms spontaneously.
- "Uh.. thanks?" She says bashfully, not sure if this is the right response. "Uh..umm..you.. you too."
She adds looking at her before blinking several times, not knowing what to say other than this, while Jisoo is looking at her with a smiling eyes, feeling amused, she doesn't seem to be affected by anything.
"Really? But I don't have much." Jisoo says in a fake sad tone as she looks down at her chest and then looks back at Jennie .
Jennie nods awkwardly, feeling her mind had already melted because she has no idea what to say and what to do and so her only response is:
-"True."
She says and smiles uncomfortably, feeling flustered.
"Mmm.. you didn't have to agree with me so fast."
Jisoo deadpans looking at her with lifeless features and with a cold smile, and when Jennie sees that, she thinks that she had hurt her, so she quickly goes to fix the situation,
"Oh- ahh- I- I didn't mean that! It's- it's really beautiful! Cu- cute! It's not small! Its size is goo-"
- "Jennie!" Jisoo quickly cuts off her rambling,
"Calm down, I was joking." She says and laughs to herself when she sees the relief on Jennie's face.
Jisoo also loves the simplicity of Jennie, and the cute way that she flares up quickly at the tiniest of things, perhaps it's because she has little interactions with people and a closed up personality , or maybe she is just like that.
Jisoo stares at her for a moment, and then she gets up and starts sauntering towards Jennie through the water. Jennie also gets up, looking at her suspicially, while Jisoo's looks were reflective.
"What? Why are you walking towards me?"
Jennie was a mess already and she is at that distance from Jisoo, and her approaching her now will make matters worse, so the more Jisoo gets closer, the more she turns around with her arms still covering her breasts until her back faces Jisoo, and she is hardly a few centimeters behind her.
- "I told you.. I want to be closer to you." Jisoo replies, with a gentle and calm tone.
"Uh.. Umm.. I still don't understand what you really mean by this."Jennie says hesitantly as she looks partially over her shoulder and then looks back forward.
Jisoo doesn't answer her and lets herself meditate and check out Jennie's body from her neck down to her back to the bottom of her back and sides, to her butt and then back to her neck and to her shoulders until something attracts her attention.
"How did this happen?"
Surprised, she stills silent for a moment, not understanding the question of Jisoo until she feels fingers touching her left shoulder.
'Oh, she meant the scar.'
"Ah..it's just a small accident when I was pretty young."
- "A small accident doesn't cause a scar like this." Jisoo tells her in a tone interspersed with sadness.
The scar was a thin straight line that starts at the beginning of the shoulder and ends at the back of her shoulder blade.
"No, really, it's just a stupid accident. There was a construction site for a store and.."
She pauses a little trying to remember and then continues,
"I don't quite remember what happened, but I do remember that I fell on one of the large pieces of glass and as a result, one of the pieces implanted in my shoulder.. and.. and that was it."
- "In the end it was not a small accident."
Jisoo says in a low voice, as if she was muttering to herself, slowly running her fingers on the scar, identifying and stroking it from the beginning to the end of the line and at every touch Jennie was taking a deep breath.
"I don't know.."
Jennie lowers her head down a little, she wants to say something so that Jisoo doesn't feel bad about it,
"I was in my teens and so I-"
Jennie pauses when she feels Jisoo's cold lips land gently on her shoulder, precisely on the scar, giving it a soft, slow kiss. Her hands resting on both arms of Jennie.
"J- Jisoo?" Jennie asks, and her heart about to get out of its place after she felt Jisoo moving her lips away from her shoulder and adjusting her head to caution her forehead on the back of Jennie's neck.
- "Turn around." Jisoo orders in a whisper.
"Jisoo.. what's wrong?" Jennie was still frozen in her place, not knowing what Jisoo is thinking or what is happening now, and she can't compel herself to move away from Jisoo, she doesn't want to anyway.
- "Turn around.." Jisoo repeats with a bit of breathlessness as she lifts her forehead away from her neck.
In response, Jennie starts to turn around slowly.
Once she fully does, she feels Jisoo's arms gently surrounding her neck and hugging her tightly.
🎶▶ IU - Love Poem
At first, she felt an electric jolt that ran through her entire body when it first contacted with Jisoo's body, but the way that Jisoo is embracing her as if she's hanging on a lifeline of everything she had and scared of even looking at the abyss, forced her to ignore that.
Jisoo had her eyes closed, re-adjusting her arms around Jennie's, combining them, trying to find a way to hug her with more force. Her head sometimes rests in the crock of her neck and sometimes on her shoulders, and apparently Jennie's neck works for her the best because Jennie can feel her breath rests on that spot.
It was like that night when Jisoo hugged Jennie on Jeju the moment she were on the verge of collapsing, but this time it's not Jennie who needs this hug but rather Jisoo.
Jennie untied her arms that were covering her chest and directed them around Jisoo to settle on both her sides lightly, at first she felt hesitation but soon it disappeared to completely wrap them around her and hugging her back.
Ignoring the small flips her stomach did at the contact.
Jisoo wouldn't have done this out of nowhere.. she wouldn't do this just for the purpose of physical contact. Jisoo was not that superficial.. never was and never will be.
Because the steady raise and fall of her chest, the way she keeps taking deep breaths as she inhaled Jennie's scent as if she was trying to pull her into her heart and keep her there, her body heat despite the moderate cold air that surrounds them and finally; her embracing her like someone hiding a valuable antique masterpiece in his hands for a fear that it will be stolen or that it might get harmed.
These all are clues that guided Jennie about what Jisoo wanted to convey to her.
Jisoo was conveying to her the depth of her gratitude.. the depth of her feelings.
And by this, she wants to erase all the barriers between them, all the barriers that the world knows so that they only have the barrier of her fears.
This simple and that complicated.
Because she spent long periods of her life building thick and high walls around her heart to protect herself to the extent that she no longer knows how to express what she really feels.
It's difficult.. to reveal your weakness is difficult.
It is like you are telling the other one, 'Come on, this is the place that hurts me, and this is the most painful way to do so...'.
You will have to go and you only depend on the trust that they won't use it against you one day.
It is not as if Jisoo doesn't trust Jennie or that Jennie is of that exploitative type, but she does not know whether she will be able to return to the way she was before she disclosed what was inside her - if she did - strong and in control of her feelings or whether Jennie would continue to think of her the same way.
She will feel exposed all the time, that if she tried and pretended to be strong again, Jennie will see through her and she will know that what she sees is just a façade.
She's not ready to let her see the weak side of her yet.
So, hopefully, for the time being at least, this will be enough to send what she wants to say and what she feels to Jennie.
And it is.
Jennie was already feeling those walls in front of her all the time, she was standing behind them constantly waiting for Jisoo to make the decision to demolish them and let her in, and she will keep waiting if she had to. She knows that this is not easy and she has no intention of rushing Jisoo to tell her everything. No one can do that anyway.
And so she is satisfied with that hole she sees that has formed in those walls, a hole wide enough to extend only her hand through it to hold Jisoo's hand and firmly hold on to it.
As a result, Jennie found herself gently stroking Jisoo's back in a relaxing and affectionate movement.
"Jennie.." Jisoo says in a low voice, after feeling like she has to say something.. anything..
"I.."
- "I know."
Jennie's shivering and shaky response cuts in, from her voice Jisoo can feel that Jennie has become emotional.
She can't stop herself from feeling that way because, and ever since that night, if Jisoo hugged her like this, she will always feel like crying.
Jisoo smiles a weak smile, barely showing, because Jennie understood. She always do.
"But I wasn't about to say anything."
Jisoo says with a weak playful tone, she knows that Jennie knows it's not true.
"I just..you know.. I like to say your name."
- "Oh.. alright."
Jennie says calmly, pretending to believe her, feeling her emotions floating on the surface and her eyes getting teary little by little the more time they stay like this.
"Tomorrow.. I'll cook kimchi fried rice for you. It's your favorite, isn't it?"
Jennie adds, and despite: her attempt to sound nonchalant and her straight facial expressions, her eyes are already overflowing.
Jisoo moves her head up and down nodding slowly, feeling her tears about to catch up with Jennie's.
-"Yeah."
"Tell me any other dishes you'd like to try. I'll cook them for you too."
Jennie says as she adjusts her head on Jisoo's shoulder, which has become a little damp from her tears, letting her chin to rest on it and returning to caressing Jisoo's back.
-"OK." Jisoo responds faintly and bury her face more in the corner of Jennie's neck.
Jennie wasn't saying random things out of nowhere, this is her way to tell Jisoo that she will take care of her..
That she will stay with her..
That she cares about her..
That she loves her..
That she's her home.
"Jennie Kim, after thinking about it..
Are you trying to bribe me? " Jisoo quips in a clear playful tone, wanting to gather herself a little and as a way to change the subject.
"I take back my words. I will leave you to die of hunger." Jennie deadpans with a fake annoyance, gaining a laugh from Jisoo.
"Don't laugh on my shoulder, it's tickles."
Although Jennie forbade her, Jisoo creates more fake laughs on Jennie's shoulder to tickle her more, which ends up in both of them laughing for a while, and then the silence between them comes back and it is greeted with great openness.
Jennie does not stop her little soft movements on Jisoo's and Jisoo continues to explore the areas that start from Jennie's ear, down to her neck and to the end of her shoulder. Both of their eyes closed, sunk together in each other embrace.
🎶⏸
"Mmm.. I don't want to ruin the moment, but I'm starting to feel a little cold." Jennie says after minutes of silence, and after realizing that they are still naked and.. well.. you know.
- "You ruined it already." Jisoo adds jokingly, finally loosening her arms around Jennie and backing away a little as she wipes her eyes quickly.
"But you are right."
Jennie nods wiping her eyes, too, trying not to focus too much on the killing body in front of her, ignoring it.
"Now let me wash this beautiful body of yours." Jisoo continues nonchalantly as she points with her eyes to the entire body of Jennie.
"Yes, please." Jennie says, matching her tone and turning back around.
She takes a deep breath, straightens her posture, and moves her shoulders back slightly.
Jisoo takes the bath bowl on the pelvic edge and dips it into the water and then slowly starts pouring water on Jennie's shoulder, dipping it again and pouring it on the other shoulder. It is repeated several times over Jennie's entire body until she takes the bath loofah and starts gently washing her back.
All this seemed natural between them and spontaneous, not because they did not feel shy or because they got familiar with each other's bodies but they feel as though they have reached a level of spiritual closeness that makes them not pay attention to such things anymore.
That night they both slept in each other's arms, Jennie was sleeping on her side and Jisoo was hugging her from behind, her arm surrounded Jennie's stomach and her face buried in her neck, over her shoulder.
Both of them felt the change that occurred between them, the change that actually made them become closer.
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To be continued
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