Capítulo 1: Yeah, I died
Well, I just had time to say "Dammit." and to think 'fuck.' before Truck-kun kissed me. At 120 Km/h.
'AAAARGH' dammit, that was a painful moment. I wish I just got a broken neck so it could be instant, but fate isn't so kind. I felt my ribs puncturing my lungs and heart while I twirled like a drunk ballerina and the world was painted in black and red. And then, I fell head first on the tips of a lance-like gates of a mansion.
After a short bolt of pain in my forehead, everything blacked out, and all the pain fades away like it never existed. Felling numb from the sudden changes, I began to look around me, trying to sort out what in the Nine Hells happened, but all I can see is unending darkness.
When I try to look at my hands… 'WHERE THE HELL ARE MY HANDS?!?! AAH, MY FEET! MY WHOLE BODY!! WHERE DID THEY GOOOOO!! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!? Nonononono, it's not good to be nervous now, calm down Vasta, calm down. Haah, huuh, haah, huuh… Okay, I'm fine now. Let's do like Bear Grylls always said. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome. Let's begin rewinding to the market.' I tried to calm down and go back to the moment right before it all happened.
'Okay, I went to the commercial district through my shortcut in that rich people neighborhood, went to the novel section of the Manga&Anime store, bought some editions that I didn't have of Overlord and Re:monster, and then I was coming back home… till I saw a big ass truck right in front of me and began parodying an airborne Swan Lake performance that would make Baryshnikov drown in his own tears, searing pain on my thorax, sharp tips of the gates. … Huh… Did I just … die?' And then.
"Ugh , seriously, that work maniac sent another one. It's not like we are in a shortage of stray souls you know, why would he need to send them nonstop! GO GET SOME HOLIDAYS DAMMIT!! And here I am, having to assign Greater Roles and twist fate to include all that stray souls in external fate lines… *sigh*, All-san, I want a promotion…" 'what the hell is that?! Suddenly an employed old man with Your Narrator's voice began talking in my head!'
"Hey! I am not old, you punk, I am just past two thousands cycles of Samsara! I AM STILL YOUNG, YOU HEAR ME!? YOUNG!!" 'Okay, Okay, whatever you say boomer. So what the fuck is happening here? I just got into a car accident and then I'm here. Did I die? Ain't this that reincarnation novel's thing?'
"What did you…! *sigh* Well… you sure got your bearings fast. Normally I would have to explain every detail about the process, the reincarnation and all, but as you are a smart youngster, we can get past the bureaucracy here. Yes, you are dead. And before you ask, no, I'm not God, so don't begin the prostration and all. There are Several hundreds of existences that can be classified as " gods " but none of said existences is myself. Hey, young one, are you still attentive?" 'Mhmm? Ah! yeah, but… what about my reincarnation? And my cheat abilities? And wishes?'
"Well, you see, we are in a shortage of worlds where we can send people in this moment. Not my fault, it's that serial killer you humans named truck-kun. Seriously, can't you take care of your lifes a little better? Can't you humans look at both sides of a road before crossing it? Why don- uhum, sorry, I lost my focus. So, as I said before we cannot reincarnate you, not before one of the reincarnators die or All wants to create another world, but I don't think he will, he's struggling with the fate line of his personal world right now. So you will not be reincarnated, not now at least."
'Damn, so what exactly can I do? Do I have any choice? But first, it's been bugging me since the start, what is this place?' "Answering your question, you are in the void, or how you humans like to say, Limbo. It's where all souls stay until some god or other similar entity claim your soul, be it for fun or to apply judgement over your sins depending on your religion and beliefs. To your previous questions… Haha, well I have one thing you might get interested." 'Well, say it, but please don't make every sentence a sermon, my head is hurting already, and I don't even got a head.'
"Good grief. Your actual options are:
First, you wait until we can deal with your problem, or some god claims you theirs.
Second, you can get a job as a subordinate entity, you will be given some work to do and will have some benefits like access to human media and Internet.
And then, Third… I'll send you to Hell, but to balance your Karma, I'll give you a primary system and a, what did you called it? Ah yes, cheat ability, for you to use there. So, what you think about it, Mister…ah, what's your name again?" '… Seriously? Only now you care to know my name? What a good employee. Okay, fine, but just out off curiosity, where can I make an official complaint?'
*Suuuuuuish*
Suddenly (again) I felt like I was inside a whirlpool and was being dragged somewhere. And suddenly (yet again) .
*Pop*
I just poped into existence inside a excessively bright and white office.
"What, what was that?! Ah! I'm talking! I have a mouth! Well, it's obvious, seeing as I-"as I was in wonder over my sudden embodiment, the same voice resounded, not in my head this time, but behind me "Well, if you have any complaints I would be glad in hear them." Said the voice, and to my not-so-surprise he was a white haired old man with a strong jaw and a well kept beard wearing butler robes. He gave off a vibe of a gentle and easy going butler, and *gasps in cliché* was identical to Sebas from Overlord anime and manga, just that he was smiling.
"Oh, mhm, Hail ainz- ops, nope, we can't, copyright. Uhum, so, my name is a little strange you know, my parents might have wanted to be creative, or maybe because they were drunk, they named me…*mumbling*sta."
"What?" The old man, let's call him Sebas, had a extremely confused face, but with his actual looks it was rather scary, like a angry butler ready to scold you. " *mumbling* ovasta." I was beginning to blush slightly from embarrassment.
"WHAT?!" "GYEROVASTA!! GYEROVASTA, THAT'S MY GODDAMN NAME!! SATISFIED!? I KNOW IT'S RIDICULOUS, JUST LAUGH, HA-HA-HA, VERY FUNNY." I burst from the anger and embarrassment, shouting at Sebas and internally cursing at my parents naming sense.
"Ah, I see, so your name is Gyerovasta. It's not that bad you know, I already reincarnated a guy whose name was Clítophos, and you already can imagine the jokes about it." Sebas was giving me a knowing smile while saying this, but the only reaction that I could get was compassion for this poor soul, offering a prayer for him "Namu. What sadistic parents would do that? "
"Well, that does not matter right now, you still didn't said which option you will choose, Mister Gyerovasta, You will wait, get employed here, or go to Hell with benefits?"
Haah, y'all already got the winds of the story don'tcha? It's obvious I'll get employed! Joking here.
"Well, it's pretty obvious what I'll choose isn't it? After you put so much honey on it, it's obvious this big bad bear here will choose the third option! I was never a religious person, I'm far from Nirvana, and as I can't get reincarnated, let's meet uncle Lucy right away. It's time to put to action all the hours playing DMC5 and Helltaker! I choose Hell!!!"
I enthusiastically say to Sebas. Damn, I'm going to hell, but what about it! I'll get a fucking system and a cheat ability!! All the hours Playing RPG and reading novels will finally pay off! I'll go grind hell for all skills I get! Shame on you, Isekai Protagonists! I'll be the Harem King! I'll be taking that throne! And Hell's throne too… *laughs in villain*
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