Capítulo 179: Saryll's Thoughts
Saryll POV
From the window, I watch as the silhouette of my beloved student fade away into the busy streets of Artasia.
If 5 years ago, someone were to tell me I would take in a student, I would merely smile and look away.
If 5 years ago, someone were to tell me I would spend so much time with my student that I would end up neglecting my work, I would ignore the person.
If 5 years ago, someone were to tell me a boy would come into my life and I would see him as a little brother, I would question their sanity.
If 5 years ago, someone were to tell me I would take in a student and love him, I would call them crazy.
If 5 years ago, I knew all this would happen, what would I do?
Nothing, perhaps?
I've never experienced so much pleasure before. I finally felt like... a woman.
Years ago, my mother told me that as a monarch, I would not experience life the same as other people. I would not experience their pain, sufferings, and struggles. In return, I would be responsible for lifting them up. Because I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I would be responsible for making others' lives better.
I thought it was such a noble way of life back then. After all, mother was the ideal image of a monarch in my mind.
Years passed and as I observed the people around me, I always felt like I was missing something. However, what could I do?
I was born into this role. My greatest blessing is also my greatest shackle.
But then he came into my life. My first student, Earl.
I first saw him as another child of mine. I thought he was so pitiful to not have a father figure, living in the huge castle alone with his mother and his two maids.
As I got to know him better and as he grew up, he became someone I saw as my little brother, as outrageous as it sounds.
When I was a child, I always begged my mother for a little brother or sister. I love cute things and what could be cuter than that?
From then on, we had an incredible relationship. I could tease and joke with him about anything, and he did the same with me.
I've been so reluctant to take this next step with Earl because that would be doing something behind Abelis's back. But now that I've come this far, I've realized.
If I could do it once, I could do it twice.
I would be able to kiss Earl again and feel him inside me.
And this would go on as long as no one finds out.
Yes, that was the caveat. As long as Abelis does not find out, there would be no cracks in our relationship.
As long as Alea does not find out, our happy days would continue.
In return, I would receive... happiness.
"Everyone is the same."
This was a sentence taught to me by my mother. For a long time, I did not believe it.
I did not want to believe that relationships could be boiled down to benefits and exchanges.
From the conduct of the people I've seen, I knew it was true. But I thought with love in the equation, such a thing did not exist.
If you love someone, you want to care for them. See them. Long for them. Do things for them unconditionally. Nothing was done for benefits.
I thought I was different.
In the end, mother was right. For the sake of my happiness, I was willing to throw away my years of marriage with Abelis and my relationship with my daughter.
Or maybe.
I... did not love Abelis?
PENSAMENTOS DOS CRIADORES 
TentacleEthics
TentacleEthics Shortest chapter so far but it is also pretty heavy. I hope the emotions I tried to put into this was conveyed over to the other side.
The more time I spend on this novel, the more emotions I want to give to my characters. There won't be any unnecessary drama but I do want them to be aware of what they're doing. I want them to feel fleshed out which I think works pretty well in combination with smut.
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