Capítulo 12: CHAPTER 12: DO I REALLY LIKE HIM?
SHAYLA
I got hurt thinking about that night. That night Zander and I had sex. Those few weeks I did a great job pretending nothing was going on with my life.
I am good in hiding my feelings. I acted like it was nothing. But the truth is whenever I am in my room lying in bed, I could be Me.
I cried silently thinking about that night of my birthday. The look of his eyes as if he was regret about the sex. I do not regret the thing we did. Not even single point in my head. No regrets at all.
Honestly, I feel something more to him not just a simple crush anymore. I am falling to like my brother's best friend. That is why I am hurting so much. Do I really like him that much? Is it not I am falling in love with Finn?
I do not know what really love means. Avoiding him was the best but more painful to me. Because I missed him. I can see him anywhere in campus and even at home. That's why I do not go out when I knew Zander was there with Shane.
Now he is here in front of me on a Friday night. The thoughts inside my head that they were having fun at the party. I am alone in the house but it was the opposite thou.
My heart was pounding when he kissed me. The worst part of it I was kissing him back. All the pain I felt. All the disappointments towards him were gone just like that. I am a slave for him.
I hopped into him, wrapped my legs around his waist. We did not stop kissing until we reached to my room. I could not image how he did it. Carried me up towards my room without tripping.
It was sudden but we found ourselves in my room slowly half naked with the only underwear on.
We stopped to take some breathe, I lay on my bed. And he was on top of me, staring at my eyes.
"Tell me to stop before you and I regret after." He whispered.
Looking into his eyes without blinking. "Did you really regret about the first time we did on my birthday?" I asked but there might be hurt to know if his answer is Yes.
He nodded then stroke my left cheek. Looking away not to see him. "Yes, sweet pea at first, but in the end I realized that I was glad it happen." I glanced at him, smiling widely at me. "I missed you for weeks without you texting me back. The calls we exchanged especially the friendship. Everything about you I miss." He added. "How about you? Are you thinking about it or regret?"
I shook my head. "Like you, I was glad it happens. However, it hurts because I thought you regret having sex with me. Because I am younger than you or I was not worth it." I exclaimed while not looking at him in the eye.
He kissed my forehead. "No, age does not matter to me but I considered about Shane. Your brother is my best friend. About us too, I cannot promise you anything." He said with honestly. "Because I myself still do not know what I want to do with my life after high school. Like you said, long distance relationship is hard to keep. I might hurt you in the process, sweet pea." The sadness in his eyes as he expressed his thoughts.
I touched his chest and glanced at him before saying a word. "I know what you were thinking about us but you never even ask me first." I sighed, raising his eyebrows.
In his mind he was confused. "I know you never do relationship especially now that you are going off to college. There is a chance we might never see each other again in a long time."
Now I should be open up to him. I have to do this even just for a few months left. I might regret if he thinks I want us to be an item. "But I never ask you to be in a relationship with me." I paused. "What if I just want what it is like we do now. No commitment or relationship just sex is that okay with you." Wow, that was not me either saying straight to the point.
'Am I really 16 years old? Is this I really want?' I was waiting for his reaction.
He was speechless for a while there. "I did not expect that you were this matured thinking. I thought you were kind of finding prince charming sort of thing." Zander said.
I laughed aloud. "Oh my gosh, I may be not a party goer but I am being open-minded person. I still do know what it feels like commitment." I bemused. "I mean, hello, what am I talking about." I laughed.
He stared at me, smiling and say, "Gosh, you are so beautiful sweet pea. I love the way you laugh."
I laughed even louder this time. "So, I will just be laughing the whole night and do nothing." I grinned.
"Not exactly, I will do something like this." He said kissing my lips once again.
After we had sex for the second time around, we talked seriously about us. We conclude that we can have sex secretly.
However, he can still have sex with other girls if he likes. I know in my mind I was hoping he will be contented with just me.
I know with the age of his still want to experiment and experience furthermore and I am not against it. We are not in a relationship we are just friends with benefits.
One thing I just asked him a favor that never let me know if he is hooking up or was hooking up or after hooking up with others and come to me. I will never tolerate that one it is so gross to my part even he says they used condoms or whatever still I do not like it.
"I know what you mean, sweet pea." He said with truthfulness. "I wouldn't do that to yet either. You are too pure, too clean for me to make you dirty." He added. "I still respect you as a human being. You are different from all the girls out there."
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