Capítulo 191: The broken blade. (1)
Pain, pain was a strange word. To some, it was nothing more than an empty word. They did not feel it, they did not understand it, so it was just a hollow sound to them. To others, it was a word that carried the world, a word that symbolized their existence. All they knew was pain, the ache its various forms forced upon them. In the end, no two people would see the word pain in the same way, and no two people would understand it in the same way.
So, how were you supposed to understand someone else's pain? How were you to bear the suffering of someone else? You couldn't, not normally at least. You could sympathize, draw upon similar experiences, but you could never understand it in the same way as them. But, that was only normally. And Yin Long had something that was far from normal.
Yin, the Primordial Fear, the Origin of Pain. It birthed pain, it lived on it, it spread it for all creation to suffer. And it was through this law that Yin Long was bearing the suffering of the woman in front of him, the deepest source was what carried it over to him. So it made him understand the pain, it made him feel it. She had suffered in her life, so to make Yin Long understand that suffering, it had given him her life.
When she fell and scraped her knee as a child, why did it hurt? Why was it experienced alongside the same pain that accompanied her death? Was it just because it was the first instance of pain she felt, the first time she got hurt? No, pain was never that simple.
The gentle wind that brushed past her face and caressed the tips of her ears. The freedom and joy she felt as she ran through the forest like a wild beast. The exhilaration born from running further than ever before, all of these things were cut short by the branch she tripped on. The scrape on her knee symbolized the loss of all these things, the drops of blood that stained the stone and the small pangs of pain were a constant reminder of what she had lost due to a moment of carelessness.
All these factors had to come together to make that scrape hurt, to create pain. And Yin Long, to take on her suffering, had to feel it all. The wind that brushed against her, the thumping of her heart, the unconscious curl of her lips, he had to feel it all to feel the pain. To feel that pain, he couldn't be Yin Long, he had to be Puisha, the young girl that ran and fell.
Heartbreak, betrayal, why were they painful? Were it from strangers then it wouldn't be painful, no, heartbreak and betrayal were only painful because they came from those close to you. Were it not for the memories and emotions you shared then you would never feel pain from it. So, for Yin Long to understand the pain of her first heartbreak and her betrayals, he had to understand the emotions that made them painful.
The first kiss shared next to a roadside stall that sold grilled squirrel, the heat and comfort his hand gave her, the tingling in her ears as he whispered his lies. The night they promised to become each other's world, unaware that they were but children and their worlds had yet to grow properly. And finally, the day he cut his world away from her to give it to someone else.
For that first romance, he was Puisha, the concept of Yin Long erased for the sake of that suffering. All the joy and love she felt, he felt, he became, all so that he could properly bear the suffering it all birthed.
The same held true for all the other pain. He was Puisha so he understood why the first stab hurt so much, he knew how she normally ate so he understood how painful starvation was for her. He was her so he understood the comfort she was used to, so he understood the fear of arriving in an unknown land. He was her so he understood her love for life, so he understood and bore her twofold fear of death.
He was her, so he understood her pain. He was her, so he bore her suffering. But he only bore her suffering, even the good memories that birthed suffering were tinged by the painful end result, they clung to his throat and spread their bitter taste. He was her, but not entirely her. He was just a vessel to carry the suffering, a mouth that could speak of the screams she was never able to share with the world.
She felt something touch her at that moment, a soft and gentle warmth embracing her as two arms wrapped themselves around her. The mixture of pain and misery, the suffering and fears of years melted away under that familiar touch. It felt like ages since she had last gotten to feel something like that, the images flashing through her mind giving way to a dim room filled with earthen beds.
"Eru Zha... No, Lan Yun..."
The wrong name came out at first, a name that had nothing to do with her, no, nothing to do with him. Yin Long blinked a few times, his eyelids wiping away the traces of the person he had temporarily lost himself in. Yin Long, he was Yin Long, not Puisha. And the familiar warmth embracing him came from Lan Yun, his Lan Yun, not Puisha's Eru Zhairin.
"It's okay, Young Master. You're here, you are you. It's just pain, just memories, you've already taken them in so they can't swallow you."
Lan Yun's voice crept into his ears as she embraced him. His knees were touching the ground so it seemed like he had collapsed at some point, probably while his own identity was being erased to give way to Puisha's suffering. Each word helped was away what remained of Puisha in his mind, but even so, he could still feel it. Her suffering, her fear, her pain. They were all as clear as day to him, he bore it for her now, it would forever be a part of him because he had chosen to be a vessel for that misery.
"It's okay, Young Master. It's fine to collapse and fall down, you did good, no, you did amazing. Just look."
Lan Yun's voice made him raise his head, his once-again clear eyes landing on the woman he now knew was named Puisha. She was still lying on the earthen bed, the wounds that killed her still fresh on her body. But the despair that had dyed her expression was gone. Her lips couldn't move so she couldn't smile properly, but he could tell from her eyes that she was smiling, that she was grateful.
"Visrama, poor soul. May you find some respite now that you're no longer suffering."
Lan Yun spoke to Puisha while still embracing Yin Long, prayed for the unfortunate woman who ended up here. And then the salvaged soul started to fade away. Starting from the wounds that placed her there, she faded away. Flesh and blood turned to yellow dust, her body blowing away despite the lack of any wind. Her desires hadn't been emptied yet so she should have kept lying there for years, suffering until she became empty. But Yin Long took on her suffering with his law of Yin, and as a result that they couldn't have expected, gave death to the deathless.
"Please smile, Young Master. You just saved someone else from suffering, just like you saved me. It was hard for you, but you did it nonetheless. And the first is always the hardest, it will only get easier from here on out. So please smile, Young Master. For me, for yourself, and for those you'll save."
Lan Yun did her best to smile at Yin Long, but there was still an air of fragility to her smile, a tinge of sorrow that couldn't be wiped away. Her hand reached for his face, but he forced the edges of his lips up before her fingers could do it. It was strained and looked like it could crumble at any moment, but he smiled as she asked him to. For him, for them, and for those who'd they meet in the future, a smile for those who suffered.
--
Xiao Yin Yu felt like she was falling, darkness enveloping her. Other than the falling sensation there was nothing else, no smell, no other sensations, she couldn't even feel anything like wind brushing against her despite the obvious speed of her descent.
She wanted to open her eyes, but they felt like lead as she fell, it was as if the weight of the world was pulling her down while keeping her eyes shut. Was this what it was like to fall into the Netherworld? Was this what all who descended into hell felt as they were dragged down to their eternal torment?
But just as she was wondering how long this descent would last, the falling sensation vanished. The darkness brightened as some light pierced through her closed eyelids, some scent finally tickling her nose as sounds reached her ears. Her eyes snapped open, an endless blue sky dotted by murky yellow clouds spreading out above her. She could instinctively feel it, her soul was screaming it. This was the Netherworld, she had arrived where she needed to be.
She was currently lying on her back and peering at the sky, but there were some tree crowns at the fringes of her vision so it seemed like she had arrived in a forest. But when she moved her eyes she saw that while the trees themselves looked normal, each leaf was so crimson that they seemed to be alight as they fluttered in the wind, it was as if the entire forest was burning.
She continued to take in the immediate surroundings from her sprawled position, she felt oddly heavy so she didn't get up right away. But as she was slightly mesmerized by the seemingly burning trees, an all too familiar voice reached her.
"Dear Yu, oh Dear Yu. The Celestial World was right there, it was waiting for you with open arms. Hell, even Tartarus was welcoming you, do you have any idea how many people you would be able to train with if you went there? But you just had to go ahead and fall. It would have been better if you didn't, I'm not worth it."
Her eyes opened as wide as they could and she sat up so fast that the earlier heaviness felt like nothing more than a dream. She spun around, her gaze shooting towards the one spot she hadn't been able to see properly from her lying position. And there he sat.
Long silver hair that shone like the moon and eyes as black as the night, each glance seemingly tugging at your soul to make you think more favourably of him. One of the Lang clan's clean yellow robes adorned his body as he sat on a tree stump, one hand holding a branch he was casually carving into a blade with his other hand. He wore an expression she hadn't often seen him with, it was a mixture of bitterness and gratitude.
"You...You..."
She couldn't help but stutter as she scrambled to her feet. Did she really find him that quickly? Was she really so lucky that she ended up falling right where he did? Or had Hades done something to help her when he sent her down? She looked at the expression on his face, at the man she went to hell for, stumbling towards him. But her feet halted before she reached him, her entire body jolting as it came to an abrupt stop.
"...You don't call me Dear Yu. You call me Yin Yu because using my full name takes too long."
That was the first abnormality she noticed now that she thought about it. Dear Yu, there was only one person who called her by that name, Tao Tiankong. She hated it when he called her by that name, it sickened her to her very stomach. Yin Long knew that, he had heard her say it.
"But it's sad, don't you think? It's a nice name, a wonderful way for those close to you to show their care and love. I thought it would be a shame if it was ruined by someone like Tao Tiankong so I wanted to save it, wanted to make it something dear to you."
The expression on Yin Long's face slowly changed as he spoke, the rare expression getting replaced by a more familiar one, a gentle yet confident one. He had worn that expression when he first gave her the chance to make the choice, it was this expression that had kicked it all off. But Xiao Yin Yu didn't allow herself to get distracted by that expression.
She hadn't suddenly ended up here, she had willingly chosen to descend into the Netherworld so she wasn't terribly confused or anxious when she first arrived here. So now that she had gotten over the initial shock of seeing Yin Long, she took her time to thoroughly go over everything he had said. And there were holes in what he said.
"You, who are you really?"
She was wary. He looked just like she remembered, the air he gave off was just as she remembered, and even the faint scent that the wind brought with it was just like she remembered, the subdued smell of sweat and metal. But the things he said... she couldn't ignore them, couldn't push them aside even if they sounded sweet.
The Yin Long that sat a bit ahead of her smiled widely as she questioned him, straightening his knees as he stood up. The branch he had carved into a sword was lowered as he turned towards her, its sharp tip leaving a mark on the ground as he walked towards her.
"I'm exactly who you think I am. I am Yin Long."
Yes, he did indeed seem exactly like the Yin Long she had in her mind. A fearless and challenging smile, confidence mixed with a tinge of madness oozing out of him like arrogance. Even that branch that had become a sword was just like her image of him, a man who could turn anything into a sword to cut the world with. But she couldn't accept him as the Yin Long she sought, his words still gnawing at her.
"No, there's no way. Yin Long wouldn't know that I was going to go to the Celestial World, nor would he know about the offer Hades gave me. You are not Yin Long."
Yes, that was the simple truth. Yin Long wasn't there when she met Hades, he would never have gotten to know about her being supposed to go to the Celestial World or being offered a spot in Tartarus. He couldn't know, only she and Hades should know. So how did this Yin Long know?
He had arrived in front of her at this time, the same smile on his face, tugging at her heart and soul. His hand reached out when he got close enough, the tips of his fingers brushing against her shoulders, her feet rooted in place. His fingers were warm, she could feel them as they traced her skin and moved across her robe. She could feel his breath on her face as he spoke.
"But I am. To you, I am Yin Long. Thanks to you, I am Yin Long."
The two locked eyes as they stood there, blue melting into black. And in his eyes, she saw herself, reflected a thousand times over as if she wanted to fill him up. She thought about his words, and thought back to what Hades had said, and the realization dawned on her.
"...Desire."
Desire, Hades said that was the core of their Netherworld. It was a place that magnified their desires hundreds if not thousands of times. Good desires became twisted if stretched too far, and bad desires became horrid when they grew too large. And right now, didn't she desire Yin Long? wasn't that why she had come down here in the first place? The Yin Long in front of her didn't shrink back after she uttered the truth, black eyes reflecting only her visage.
"I am what you desire. Everything I say is simply what you want to hear, or say everything I do is what you either want me to do or think I would do. For you, I will always be Yin Long. Thanks to you, I will always be Yin Long."
She desired him, so he was born. She desired him so he was Yin Long. He existed only for her and her desires, and everything he said was nothing more than what she herself wanted to hear or say, he was nothing more than what she had inside herself. And because of that, he was her Yin Long. And because of that, he stretched out his hand with that smile she was oh-so-familiar with.
"So let's go, Dear Yu. The Netherworld is vast, there's plenty to see here and countless people to fight and learn from. I'm aiming to catch up with you and then go beyond, so you'd best work hard if you want to keep up."
---
Jin Wang had thrown himself from a cliff. But the falling sensation hadn't stopped even after he met his abrupt end at the bottom. It almost felt like he had fallen through the ground, darkness surrounding him as he kept falling through a sensationless void.
But before he knew it, that feeling came to an end, the sensation of hard stone beneath him allowing him to believe that he had arrived at his destination. His eyes slid open and he found himself standing atop a cliff, albeit one that was much smaller than the one he had thrown himself from.
The dirt here smelled unlike anything he was used to, subtly mixed with the sweet scent of blood. The sky was still blue, a few pale yellow clouds barely visible since the sun was just vanishing beyond the horizon. This wasn't the world he was used to, he could feel it. These were the eternal Hunting Grounds he had sought. The alpha was here, waiting for him. But just as he came to that realization, a familiar voice hit him.
"Took you long enough to wake up, Goldie."
His head swivelled to the side, his mane tossing violently. And there he sat, gazing at the horizon and the setting sun as he sat at the edge of the cliff. His head turned slightly to look at him, silver hair reflecting the vanishing sun as his black eyes merged with the darkness of the newborn night.
Yin Long, his alpha and the one he failed to protect. But he smelled wrong. There was something about his existence that was wrong, Jin Wang could feel it since he had followed his alpha for so long. But when the sitting Yin Long smiled sharply, his canines gleaming dangerously, he felt just like the alpha Jin Wang was used to. Strong and ruthless, continuously going forward, with a bite that could pierce through and tear apart anything.
"Stop lazing around and get up. The night is young, it's the perfect time to hunt."
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ShiranuiShukumei
ShiranuiShukumei You guys ever just start playing a game while telling yourself it'll just be for a little bit, and then all of a sudden its been a week? Yeah, don't do that.
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