Capítulo 15: Holy Fuck.
She avoided Izuku for a bit after that.
She wasn't answering his texts or his phone calls. She barely said a word to him throughout the weekend. Did he do something wrong? Was the hug too much? Had he overstepped his boundaries and now she wanted nothing to do with him? It was driving him into a frenzy.
Especially - Especially, when she decided to sit with the girls again for lunch on Monday. That's when his anxiety piqued. She didn't realize what she was doing to him but he was lost without her. Like a stray cat ~ wondering aimlessly. Disconnected. Inverted.
He couldn't talk to Iida and Uraraka like he did her. Couldn't spend hours over the phone with them. Or dick around in his room when they didn't have homework. He was going through withdrawals and needed her more and more by the second.
But right now he was sitting with Todoroki. Studying for a test he'd probably pass without the effort put in to cram. He needed a place holder. Something to take up his time while he drove himself insane. Todoroki was good for the quiet. He found his silence comforting and his regularly stoic attitude grounding. He was glad he stopped by his dorm when he did. He was sure he'd have already jumped off the deep end by now.
Todoroki was sitting across from him at his computer table. Turning a blank sheet of copy paper into a makeshift rubric he could use for the test. He probably didn't need it but it was always good to be careful. "Midoriya."
"Hm."
"Your hero analysis book." He swiveled his chair to face his spot on the bed. "Can I see it? I'm double checking."
Izuku nodded as he absentmindedly grabbed one of the books to his side. One that was already open. "Here you go, Todoroki-kun."
Todoroki gave him a thankful nod before turning his back to him again, leaving Izuku to his thoughts.
It had to have been the hug. He just couldn't help himself. After that night in her bedroom ~ after waking up beside her and the way she looked at him, the way she let her fingers glide against his arm. And good God the way she said his name. Izuku. Nothing sounded better - Nothing was more satisfying than hearing it melt over her lips. He'd do anything to hear it again.
I mean, it wasn't like she cowered away from him when he embraced her, she hugged him back. Wrapped her arms around him ~ He could still smell the cinnamon on her skin. Freshly baked sugar cookies that wafted over to him from afar, but if he was close enough - just close enough, he could smell her natural fragrance. Tropical. Like coconut and island winds. She was a walking vacation ~ a Tahiti liberty. He'd never come back if he could. Nothing about her in that moment seemed even the slightest bit off. No stagnation in body language. No resistance whatsoever. I mean she would have pushed him off if she thought he was going too far - wouldn't have kept quiet about it. She was never afraid of voicing those kinds of things. But she didn't. She hugged him back. So what did he do wrong?
"Midoriya."
"Hm."
"Um.." His voice sounded a little unpoised. He was avoiding eye contact when he turned to him. "This isn't your hero analysis book."
"Hm? Then what is it?"
"It's..." He paused for a moment. "It's your notes? Er- On the new student."
He furrowed. "My- Oh... Oh- Oh my god!" He snatched the booklet out of his classmate's hand. "Todoroki-kun, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-"
"It's fine." It really wasn't.
Midoriya passed him his actual hero analysis book and watched as he quickly turned his back to him again. His fingers slightly hesitating before he opened it this time.
This silence was much less comfortable. How much had he read? He had his back turned to him a while before he said anything. Do you think he-
"Those are some pretty inappropriate thoughts to have about a friend." Oh God, he read it all!
"I- uh.." He didn't know how to respond. He pretty much just got caught with his dick out - How the hell was he going to explain himself? Jesus, he must look like such a creep.
Todoroki didn't press him for a response. To be honest he could live without one. He could have lived without any of that actually. Sure, he thought the new girl was....attractive. But he didn't really talk to her much and she didn't really talk to him, so he wouldn't find himself thinking about her too often. She was like the friend of a friend that was his friend by association. He knew her and Midoriya talked a lot but Christ. He didn't want the picture he had of her in his head now. He wanted to get rid of it. It made him feel perverted and a little weird. He couldn't even focus on his work.
"Does she know you're that interested in her?"
"I-I don't," He swallowed. "I don't think so."
That's probably for the best. If she knew the half of what he just read, there's a good chance she'd be pretty unhappy with him right about now.
"Do you think she might be interested in that way?" He was coming off a little robotic but that was probably better than coming off completely disgusted.
"I'm not sure?"
He swiveled his chair back at him again, still somewhat avoiding eye contact. "When was the last time you heard from her? She didn't sit with us at lunch today, so that's why I'm asking."
"I don't know." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Like noon Friday? I think she's avoiding me."
Well, no fucking wonder. "Why?"
Midoriya let out a long sigh. "I-I don't know- I mean, I hugged her before she left to go back to the dorms that day. And I guess it could be because of that but.." He shrugged. "I don't know."
Todoroki nodded. "Did you ask her for that hug?"
"No, but-"
"Then apologize to her."
He furrowed. "Do you really think it could be because of that?"
"Sounds like it."
Midoriya half groaned as he ruffled his hand in his hair. "I wouldn't even know what to say."
"Sorry probably."
"No, I know that, Todoroki-kun. ~ I just wouldn't know how to word it."
Todoroki curled his lip against his cheek as he thought for a moment, using his feet to twist him back and forth in his friend's chair. He had a pretty adverse viewpoint when it came to certain methods of touch, so this was an avoidable problem to him. He knew he'd probably be uncomfortable if he were ever in a situation where he had been hugged without his permission. And from what little he knew about her - outside of Midoriya - He and her had pretty similar attitudes to certain things.
"You have her phone number don't you?"
"Yeah, but she's not answering any of my calls."
He nodded. "Next time you see her. Pull her aside and apologize ~ I hugged you without your permission the other day and for that, I sincerely apologize ~ It doesn't have to be that formal but anywhere's a good place to start." He suggested. "Hopefully she'll forgive you after that."
Midoriya rubbed his fingers against the underside of his chin, giving Todoroki a pondering nod. "Yeah- yeah, I..-I guess that could work." He grimaced. "But what if it doesn't? What if she's still avoiding me?"
"You let her have her space then." Todoroki shrugged at him. He thought that was a pretty dumb question.
Midoriya let himself fall back onto his bed, the sound of his friend swiveling back in his chair following soon after. He really hoped he hadn't messed things up with her. It didn't even matter to him if they did or didn't become a couple at this point, he just wanted her back. She was his best friend before anything else and he felt shoulder-less without her. He missed the way she would laugh at his stupid jokes. The way she encouraged him to be more confident and he the same. How she looked when she was talking about something she loved. God, she was so excited when he brought up Crimson at lunch the other day. The way she smiled when she spoke, it was like watching the sunrise.
Participating in her happiness was so important to him and the last thing he wanted was to be the reason he couldn't do that anymore. He wanted her happy ~ more than himself most times. He was going to make things right again. He promised himself that.
~
Tuesday was no different from Monday or either of the two days before that. Well, that wasn't entirely true. She did speak to him at least, but that was only to tell him that his fly was down during chemistry. She sat with the girls again during lunch, which was no surprise to him. And left before he could even get the chance to catch her on her way back to the dorms. What did surprise him though, was that she didn't leave her room like she usually did to train before six thirty. Neither that nor leave her room to pick up her dinner for tonight. That worried him.
Depression. That was the first thought that came to his head. He knew it came hand in hand with people in situations similar to the one she was in with her father. He knew it was a factor in trauma - and even though he didn't know what had exactly landed her here before her surprise entry in U.A. - He knew it heavily corresponded with her father's recent re-incarceration after his brief escape a couple years back.
He remembered something All Might said Friday that caught his attention.
"Ah, so you know about the young rescue? Good, I'm glad you've befriended her."
She was a rescue. That's no good.
He knew her. That it was hard to reach out in situations like this. That it was probably difficult to put her trust into others like she did with him that night. And now he felt like he misused it.
He was going to make things right. He needed to.
He was at her door before curfew. His hand slightly trembling in a fist as it hovered over the wood. He hadn't been this nervous around her in a long time. It reminded him of when they had first met. How difficult it was to talk to her ~ like easing into a tub of hot water. You can barely bring yourself to do it at first but when you do, God is it good.
He gave the door a few meek knocks before he dropped his hand to his side. He hoped he was standing right. Did he look too stiff? Were his feet too close together? Why was he being so fidgety? And waited as he heard the sound of socked footsteps patter to the door.
He had to force himself not to flinch when the door opened. More so not to die when he actually saw her.
She was wearing one of his U.A. sweatshirts he thought he'd lost a couple weeks ago, his All Might pin still sitting a little below the collar. It was big enough on her to cover up most of her thighs. But what wasn't covered was nearly completely masked in wool thigh-highs the same shade of navy blue, with the exception of a little exposed skin.
Her hair was a beautiful mess around her head and he was honestly trying to convince his soul from leaving his dumb flustered prison of a body. The way she was looking up at him. The way she looked looking up at him ~ He was going to die ~ He was going to die and honestly? He'd be pretty okay with that.
Shit. What was he doing again? Oh! Oh yeah. "I uh.." He cleared his throat. "I wanted to apologize... um about Friday?"
She lifted an eyebrow at him. He was honestly going into cardiac arrest.
"I wanted to apologize for..-for overstepping my boundaries and touching you without your permission!" Oh my god, he basically yelled that in her face. It came off too robotic! Who was he- Iida?!
She still wasn't saying anything. He was starting to panic. "I-I mean, I hugged you without asking you first- and I know I shouldn't have- and..- You're probably mad at me- Which you should be! You should be. And because of that, I want to..." He gulped. "I-I want to... I wanna say I'm-"
He let out a sharp gasp as a hot hand reached out for him, gripping onto the collar of his shirt and surging him forward. He didn't even get the chance to register what was happening. Just the feeling of falling followed by his mind going completely blank.
And then suddenly he could feel every endorphin in his head rupture at once. He was seeing stars. Galaxies. Quasars that sistered super Novas. Hydrogen particles gathering in clusters to form suns from dying stars. He had left for a moment. Floated off somewhere else. Only pulled back to find her lips still against his. Opened mouth and passionate ~ Slow enough to savor the plumpness of her lips. Sensual enough to leave him combusted in flames. She tasted sweet. Like strawberries and vanilla cream, she'd give him cavities if he had too much of her.
She gave him an affectionate look when she pulled away, her breathing slightly heavy and her cheeks a little red. "Goodnight, Izuku."
He was still frozen in place. His brain rebooting as she lightly patted his flush face. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Keeping still as the door was carefully shut in his face, he nearly killed over right there.
She kissed him.
Holy fuck.
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