Capítulo 28: Chapter Twenty-seven

Rose

Luciano opens the front door, revealing Elia; seeing that he has both of his eyes at my direction, somehow knowing that I'll be standing where I am. The way he looks at the moment, shows how he was going through some awful shit.

''Don't,'' I say before walking away.

''Rose,'' He calls out my name and running after me but I continue to step out of the living room, not bothered to listen. He promised, promised that we would go through this together but he lied. How could he lie? I would never forgive him or myself if he never comes back through that door, ''Listen to me.''

''You,'' I turn to look at him, ''You are an asshole. You could've died but you left?! Why? Couldn't you at least tell me because I was worried sick, for fuck's sake, Elia. Imagine waking up alone and see that you were nowhere to be found, it fucks you up, doesn't it?''

''It was for your safety,'' He replies.

''Fuck my safety. What about yours?''

Elia clenches his jaw, completely speechless as he stands still, not knowing how to respond but his expression shows how he has a lot to say. He wants to say a lot of things and just fuck it, yet he keeps it all to himself. How can I help? How can I read him?

I can't.

He takes a few steps towards me, ''You're all that matters to me. I need to keep you safe, I need you to feel safe because Rose, I love you. I don't give a damn about my safety, fuck that but you, I care so much more. He went through it and killed my men, he could've went through it more and kill you.'' To my surprise, he starts to cup onto my face as I stand still; arms crossed but both of our eyes are pierced.

''Don't talk about my safety, Elia. Fuck that shit because without you, I'm left with nothing. Get that in your head, don't leave me and come back telling that you did it for the sake of my safety.'' I breathe out, trying to make him loosen the grip on my face but he won't budge.

''Your men. I know how they're important and your money that was stollen, I know how it means a lot to you but don't leave me, don't leave without telling me that you'll be back.'' I continue, ''I'm scared,''

Of losing you.

''Amore, I'm always here.'' He rests his forehead against mine, slowly calming me down.

''You're never here,'' I reply, meaning my surroundings. It's true, whenever he's here, it will always feel like he's not. It confuses me sometimes because the time that we've spent together, they are memorable but they are short and temporary.

I remove his hands away from my face as he stands there, sighing deeply. I know that he knows why I'm reacting this way; it's because I'm worried. I'm worried if I ever lose him, that'll leave a huge impact. I won't be ever to live with myself and I won't be ever to live on.

''If you love me, you would think of us.'' I breathe.

''I was desperate. I had no other choice. I almost lost everything and for once, I hope that you would understand. Is it that hard?'' He looks straight into my eyes, somehow making me realise that I'm not supporting him but he'd risk anything to save mine while I'd risk anything to save his. We're equal.

Then, I am surprised to see him slamming both of his hands on the kitchen table; making me stare at him. He turns around as he tries hard to calm himself, yet, anger continues to radiate, ''I'm doing this for you. I'm doing everything to save us. This fucked up mess or whatever you call this, I can't ignore it. It'll kill us both. The thing is, Rose, there will only be me or you and I choose you,'' He takes a few steps closer.

''If it kills me, at least you'll be safe.''

''Don't say that,'' I look away.

''That's the only way. I want to live my life with you, that's all I want right now but if living with you is a risk, how can I?'' He clenches his jaw and I can see his eyes getting teary which causes me to immediately look away again, too weak to face him.

''Please, don't.''

I place a hand on the side of his face, feeling the warmth of his skin; loving. It scares me to not being able to feel this anymore, it hurts me. He's all I ever wanted but he's talking about leaving. The kind of leaving where it'll be impossible for us to meet ever again.

''Leave it all behind, please. Don't leave me,'' I cry.

Elia glances down at my lips before slowly meeting his lips with mine; making me feel the softness and the moisture of it. The way he tilts his head so that it would be easier to kiss me, passionately and slowly. It's like we're explaining our sadness through this kiss. As if words could never explain us.

''Never,'' He kisses me again.

But why does it feels like he's leaving?

Luciano walks in the kitchen to find Elia and I being close to each other yet we feel so far away. He has one of his hand at my back, soothingly rubbing it and while his touch is giving me shivers, I keep on remembering when I'll lose him. No. Stop.

''I'll be back, I promise.'' Elia kisses onto my forehead, long and full of meanings as he caresses the side of my face before walking out of the house; getting on his motorbike and driving away.

As for Luciano, he continues to look at me while I sit near the kitchen counter, ''He's not coming back, isn't he?'' I ask before looking up at him and see that he's clenching his jaw but not uttering a single word.

''He'll be back,''

I breathe out, hopefully.

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