Capítulo 15: Chapter 14
I was ogling her. Damn, I'm fucking turned on. I've missed her so fucking bad that I couldn't even put into words how I feel. She stands a few inches away from me and I could smell her scent. She's like sweet popcorn and strawberries that I could munch for hours. I tuck some loose strands of her hair behind her ear while my thumb caresses her cheek. Her bright teary eyes brought pain to my soul. Unpardonable, that's what it is... everything I did to her and all the pain I've caused her.
I kissed her lips sensually as I snake my hand around her perfect curves while the other's busy gripping her perfect perky butt. My tongue asked for an entrance and we unraveled every corners of our mouth. I feel so aroused, my dick begging for extra care. So what I did is I captured her right hand and placed it on my crotch, urging her to give me a hand. I thought she'd refuse but heaven existed when she gropes my shaft.
She broke the kiss and went on her knees, unbuckled my belt, and pulled my pants and boxers after unbuttoning then unzipping my denim jeans. Her lips touched my tip and my arousal got even worse, especially when Celestine's face flashed through my mind.
Fuck it, why her?
You should be thinking of Ashlynn. For god's sake, she's the one giving you a head!
My mouth sprung open as she deep throats me... a slobbery deep throat I've been missing the past years 'cause only her who could give me.
Not until Celestine gave me one.
Damn it!
Elliot, stop mentioning her! You're ruining your momentum, asshat!
I mean, the thought of her turns me on even more.
In fact, she's who I am seeing now. Her eyes, god damn those eyes. I won't get tired gazing them.
I pushed Ashlynn on the bed and went on top of her. I stared at her eyes and smiled bitterly as I caresse her face. Humalik ako sa kanyang no at hinimas ang labi gamit ang daliri.
"You should rest." She showed me her teeth.
"But I want you to fuck me...hard." I smiled back and pulled myself off the bed.
"We'll do it tomorrow."
"Where are you going?"
"I'll be back."
Lumabas akong kwarto at dumiretso sa living room. I don't get it. Instead of feeling happy, I feel nothing but pain. I thought before I'd be better if she'll come back but now that she's here again, I see nothing but the awful things she did to me and may it be evil, there is this anger that encourages me to take my revenge and destroy her.
I breathed heavily as I laid on the couch, trying to make myself fall into a deep sleep. It took gazillion years before I fell asleep but this dreamland is different; it is full of chaos. I let it coil around me and drift me off to peace, a divergent peace.
I don't know if this is astral projection, but it's quiet and it feels like I'm on drugs. I am in my condo, walking my way back inside my room. I opened the drawer on the side table and searched for something. Once I got it out, I checked the parts and made sure that it is still working.
I smiled. Tinitigan ko si Ashlynn na mahimbing ang pagkakatulot at balot lamang ng kumot.
She moved as she squinted her eyes.
"Babe... why aren't you sleeping?" I shook my head.
I raised my hand and pointed the gun to her. I noticed the tears on her eyes, she's begging me not to do it.
But I would love her more if I'll see her swimming in her blood.
Kaya walang oras at pigil ko siyang pinaulanan nang putok ng baril hanggang sa mapuno nang dugo ang kama at bumaon sa perpektong katawan niya ang bawat piraso ng bala.
It's satisfying and I do not understand why I feel this way.
I feel no remorse like how Celestine felt when she slaughtered girls I've had flings with.
I took a last glance of her before leaving the condo. I also made sure that I have what I need. A few hours later, I found myself standing outside a massive gate. Madilim at malamig. I was wearing a black jumper, jeans and sneakers: a camouflage. Inakyat ko ang bakod at nanatili sa ilalim ng puno. I observe the vicinity as I was cracking the security. I made sure that there is no power supply and CCTVs aren't working most especially the laser door alarms so that I won't have to fuse them.
Everything is all set at mabilis ngunit dahan-dahan kong sinira ang sliding door nang makapasok saka dumiretso mismo sa kwarto nila.
I was quite confused why the room still has a dim glimmer but the babble of water coming from the bathroom cought my attention. Pumuslit ako doon. Inilabas ko ang katanang kinuha ko sa secret room mula sa aking closet at maingat na inilabas, saka dahan-dahang pumwesto sa likod niya at ipinwesto sa leeg ang talim.
"Squeal, and I will kill you." She was breathing heavily.
"P-please... d-don't."
"Out."
I drag her out of the shower room and pushed her body against mine. Her breasts are perfect; I caressed her bosom and let myself be pleasured by the victim. I am wearing gloves and the rubber tickles her nipples whenever I pinch them. I refrained myself from further skin contact kahit gusto kong dilain at namnamin ang mabango niyang balat.
I let go of her. "Make a noise, you'll know what'll happen to you."
Pumunta ako sa kama at tinihaya ang animal niyang asawa.Nang tiyak ng mulat at nasa ulirat ay siyang pagturok ko ng katana sa dibdibd niya, deretso sa puso at hinila iyon pababa hanggang sa mag dalawang piraso ang katawan. Tumalsik ang mga dugo na siyang nagpakilos lalo ng mga ugat ko. Binalikan ko ang hampaslupang babae saka hinawakan nang mahigpit sa buhok.
Nagpumiglas siya kaya't nahiwa ang aking kamay nang hindi sinasadya. Sinikmuraan ko siya at muling ipinalupot sa kanyang leeg ang kamay ko. Mariin na sakal ang inabot niya saka dahan-dahang ginilitan siya.
I didn't leave right away. I stared at their body as I enjoy the sight of their bodies descicating. Nang masiyahan at makontento ay mabilis na iniwan ang mansyon at nagtungo sa isang lugar, binalot ang damit na nabahidan nang dugo at mga paraperlnalyang nagamit sa krimen at nagpasyang bumalik sa condo.
I rested my back on the sofa and let my self be adrift to sleep but instead of sleeping, I woke up panting and gasping for air. Nakaramdam din ng sobrang pagod. The dream was surreal and lunatic.
Damn, I thought it was real.
I got up the bed. Dumiretso ako sa kusina at nang kukuha na ng tubig sa ref ay nakita ko ang isa sa limang Katanang iniingatan ko.
Tigagal ako.
Fucking shit.
Was that just a dream or... it wasn't?
I was startled when Ashlynn came out of nowhere.
Goodness, thank whoever god exists that she's alive.
We had our breakfast and after we decided to go and do what I think is right. I was driving my way home early at six in the morning with Neck Deep's December banging on my stereo. The woman sitting next to me laughs carelessly showing her white pearly teeth as she sings her lungs out as if she owns the song... as if she's Ben Barlow herself. I held tight on her hand. It felt like I was a kid all over again. The same feelings of butterflies, the same happiness she bestowed me and the same way how my cheeks burned.
I remember days like this before. We'd go on road trips with no specific destination and jam to Neck Deep, Sleeping With Sirens, All Time Low --basically to all of our favorite bands. Sometimes we'll go to concerts or watch in a drive-in theater. That's how we spend the time whenever we were together.
I am happy that she's here and alive.
"I miss your face. You're in my head. There are so many things that I should have said. A year of suffering, a lesson learned." She looked at me differently, meaning every lyric she sang only it wasn't just a year.
"We could fix it now," I mumbled as I kissed her knuckles. She rested her head on my arm as she looked at me. "Only if you still want to."
"You're a married man."
"You know I'd do anything for you."
"You would?" Inihintu ko ang sasakyan sa tabing kalsada.
I stared at the steering wheel, letting the silence surround us. For a moment, I felt my chest tightened and all of my memories --even the bad ones-- with Celestine came through my mind. I was unsure if I really wanted to file a divorce... to be fully away from her. I don't know why it pains me badly thinking of being with someone and her living with Caleb.
It destroys me even more that if I'd do that, I won't be able to call her mine anymore.
I fear that... I fear losing her.
"Will you leave her for me, Eliot?"
But my response leads me to open the gates of totally losing Celestine. I couldn't say no to Ashlynn. I don't want to lose her anymore. I can't even bear dealing with the same agony I've dealt with before. And she's my first in everything, she's my first love and definitely, she will be my last. I've lost her before and I won't let history repeat its self.
Not for the second time around.
And I'm hoping I made the right choice.
I will fucking do everything to protect her even if I have to die to save her from Celestine. I wouldn't mind killing her either.
"I will. We'll get married asap." My hand cupped her face, thumb caressing her cheek. I looked right through her eyes and all I could ever feel now... is nothing.
Why?
I should feel happy.
The woman I've loved so much will be mine now.
Ngunit bakit iba ang aking nararamdaman?
"How did you survived the accident?" This has been running through my head.
How did she survive her suicide?
After killing my brother, I went after her. I forced her to come with me and leave the country. It was all as clean as a slate: I acted as if nothing happened, as if I didn't kill my brother. I wanted to start anew, be with her and have our own family but tragedy had written our destiny. She was not meant for me, she was meant for somebody else... she was meant to die.
She didn't want to come with me. She had already planned to leave with my brother. When I reached her unit, I saw the letter. I thought it was only just a temporary goodbye but it was her suicide note. The I love you and the I will come back never happened because she's gone, for good and for lifetime.
She crashed her car on her way to the airport and it wasn't by accident, it was intentional. Hindi niya kinaya ang ginawa ko akay Rhys. And that I love you was nothing because she just loved me as her brother. She played me well but despite that, I couldn't hate her. I couldn't blame her, it was all my fault. I was the one to blame, not her.
"It's just a show. I wanted to escape you. I was scared, on what you did to your brother. I was scared of you."
"I understand."
Ipinaglapat ko ang mga labi naming dalawa at pagkatapos ay inihawak ang kamay sa kambyo ng sasakyan saka pinaandar ang asking Aventador. Saglit na katahimikan ang bumalot bago siya nagsalitang muli.
"Aren't you mad?"
"No. I'm glad you did that."
Because I was able to know her... to know Celestine.
"Your wife is my sister, do you know that?" Namilog ang aking mga mata saglit ngunit agad din piniling ang aking ulo.
"It doesn't matter."
But it does. It fucking does because it feels like I'm just like her, I am stuck between two people and I have to let go one of them.
"I'm happy that you're not mad at me. I love you, always."
Pinagsalikop ko ang aming mga kamay at payapang nagmaneho pabalik ng mansyon ni Celestine. I will ask for a divorce. I will end whatever we have. I may have feelings for her, I know that it will just fade away. Not unlike my love for Ashlyyn, it never did. It never left.
As I drive our way to the mansion, little by little, my heart's slowly beating. Like I'm running out of air and I get sick to my stomach. My anxiety is at its highest peak and my mind is a mess. Ashlynn held my hand, reassuring me that everything will be fine.
It took us an hour before we reached the abode. I stepped out of the car and opened the door for her. Mahigpit akong humawak sa malambot niyang kamay habang papasok ng bahay. Nadatnan namin si Celestine sa salas. Malalim ang iniisip at blanko ang mga mata.
I was astounded when she abruptly stood from the couch and went in front of me. What shocked me most was when she kissed me passionately on my lips. And right at this moment, all the worries I've been dealing with since earlier, they all went away. Danm, her warmth is very soothing.
"Thank god you're safe."
"W-what?"
"I was so worried." She rested her head on my chest. She's sobbing.
I felt guilty. I'm so torn between letting her go and staying.
She pulled away with trembling shoulders and got the towel on the center table then wrapped it on me. Her hands were shaking and her breathing is heavy.
What is wrong with her? She's acting weird.
I looked behind me as she continues on scrubbing the rough towel on my skin but Ashlynn was nowhere to be seen.
Where has she gone?
Naibalik ang aking huwisyo nang marinig ang garagal na boses ni Celestine. She's tensed, very tensed.
"I will talk to Caleb. I'll beg him not to call the police." Aligaga siya sa pagpunas ng mga kamay ko pati sa aking pisngi.
I heard footsteps coming from the stairs. Luna's pissed with her brothers throwing balloons on her filled with mustard. But Luna stopped midair when she saw me. She's shocked, even the twins had the same reaction when their eyes landed on me.
"W-why are y-you covered in b-blood?" her voice was shaky.
And that's where I checked myself and found out that I was really covered in blood.
What the fuck is happening?
How the fuck...
I looked behind me for the second time and I saw Ashlynn standing at the door as her image slowly vanishes.
Fuck.
"A-ashlynn... Sh-she's a-alive. And I want a divorce. B-but she's gone."
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