Capítulo 29: Are... are you really here or I am imagining you?

|Innaya|

"Innaya."

I heard him, again. This time from very close. So close that I thought he was actually whispering in my ears. I could feel the warm breath caressing skin of my face. I could feel the warm cocoon of safety around me that I had started to feel only in his company. Slowly, I realized the presence behind me or rather just next to me. It was strong.

The pillow I was resting against didn't feel soft, rather it felt firm and strong. Just then my eyes fell upon arms around me, one around my shoulders and one draped across my midsection. The arms were too familiar to ignore and same was the case with their owner. Slowly, I inched my hand closer to grasp the right hand across my stomach.

I wanted but hold it to confirm. But then, what if it wasn't what I was thinking? I looked ahead to see Arjun's and Amma's worried face. However, I noticed how their eyes kept flickering between me and space behind me. I turned my head to my right.

The happiness of getting something, at that moment, when everything felt lost, cannot be expressed... neither in words nor in actions. The same happened to me, as I came face-to-face with the man I thought I'd imagined just a few moments ago.

The depressing thoughts that had consumed me because of his absence were now filled with the something akin to the satisfaction. The familiar brown eyes of my husband, full of worry were trained on me. Lost in the remnants of the episode I just had, I had not noticed that it was my husband, who had pulled me into a sitting position and currently, I was leaning against him.

The face of man I longed for was just a mere inches away. I did not know what came over me as I suddenly turned into his arms and hugged him. It took some time for Eshan to wrap his arms around me. Maybe, my action startled him.

I inhaled deeply. Hiding my face in his chest, I closed my eyes. Traces of effect of that woman's voice were still lingering in my mind. Eshan's presence just fuelled up my emotions.

I felt my eyes tearing up, again. As if someone opened the gates of dam, tears just poured from my eyes. I let myself cry in his arms, not putting a hold on my feelings anymore.

Eshan was there or not, or it was another trick of my confused mind, I did not know. However, it didn't matter anymore. I clung to him as if it was the only thing holding from breaking myself. I cried remembering all the pain I had gone through, all the taunts of that woman that destroyed my confidence, all the sufferings I had to face because of her.

"Shh sweetheart, you will get yourself sick," Eshan whispered in my ear while patting my back after what seemed like an eternity. My cries reduced to sobs and eventually to sniffles as it felt there were no tears remained.

His gentle caresses on my back, his familiar cologne of wood and mint assured me of him being with me. Still wanting to confirm, I called his name, though it sounded more like a question to me, "Eshan?" I braced myself for his answer. If it was dream or illusion, I never wanted it to get over.

"Yes sweetheart." Eshan's hand went to my head, cradling it gently against his heart. His fingers running through my hair, somehow miraculously brought back the lost calmness of my heart.

I fiddled with his clothes mindlessly. "Are... are you really here or I am imagining you?" my voice came wobbly with all the crying I had done.

Eshan chuckled lightly before he spoke, "I was not aware that my wife missed me to the level of imagining me," he paused for a while before adding, "How lucky I am!"

I stiffened in his arms. Maybe, he noticed it. His humour was not what I wanted at that moment. The weight of the earlier episode was still not lost and the anxiety I felt, on not finding him was, way too much to handle. I pulled myself back, unable to contain my changing emotions. Eshan pulled me back and soon his fingers found my chin. Lifting my face, he leisurely met my gaze.

"I am here Innaya. With you." Eshan answered. If that was not enough, he brought my hand closer to his face and placed a kiss on inside of my wrist, all the while looking in my eyes.

Eshan took hold of my face, wiping the traces of tears from it with his fingers. I properly noticed him, he was wearing a brown Armani suit, a cream colour white shirt underneath, which was ruined because of my tears. His hair was ruffled and he looked tired, however, his eyes— they were telling an altogether different story and held so many questions.

"You said you have work..." I trailed off, not knowing what to ask. I lowered my eyes unable to look into his intense ones.

He made me drink water again before pulling me into his arms. "Arjun briefed me about what happened."

My eyes snapped to the place where Amma and Arjun were standing at the mention of Arjun from him. How could I forget about them? What must they be thinking about me?

As if, Eshan read my mind because he answered my unasked question. "They left."

I relaxed in his arms, knowing he did that for me. It did not matter, when, how, why? Arjun and Amma must have had number of questions but they respected my space. Tomorrow I would have to deal with them but for now, I was happy being in my husband's arms. At least this night I could have no problem falling asleep.

"Sameer and Barun took my place... I just couldn't stay there," Eshan informed me, at the same time he confessed his inner feelings.

I fiddled with his clothes, mindlessly. "I am sorry—" I apologised. For me, he left his important work, even when I did not share the whole or part of the matter with him.

"Don't." Eshan softly admonished me before he added, "Those things are not as important as you are. Wouldn't you have done the same?"

'Yes, I would have.' My mind agreed with him. His fingers were playing with my hair while his other hand held me close to his heart. Our legs were stretched on the bed, with Eshan's back resting against the headboard and I almost leaning on him, with my head against his chest. I wondered how we ended in such a position.

From our present intimacy no one could predict what had transpired sometimes ago. It was almost serene being with him.

"Innaya?"

I hummed in response, focusing on his fingers that were running on side of my face, almost making me sleepy.

"You want to share what happened? You were thrashing and mumbling something about being..." Eshan trailed off.

For a moment, I had forgotten about it. That was the effect Eshan had on me, nowadays.

Was I ready to tell him?

However, bottling everything was not helping me either. One day or other, I had to tell someone and talking was the best therapy, suggested by my doctor.

"Innu, never think before talking your heart out with someone, who actually cares. There will be people who would probe you just to get gossip out of it and there will be those, whom, your pain will cause pain. Always differentiate between them and never lose the chance you get. It's not for someone else's satisfaction but for tranquillity of your own mind." I remembered Grandpa's advice.

Eshan rubbed my upper arm, unknowingly comforting me. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for sharing a part of my past, not for him but for my own peace.

"Let's say, I have a bad history with that... That woman."