Capítulo 12: FORGIVE ME ... PLEASE FORGIVE ME, AM SELFISH BUT AM ONLY HUMAN.
Lost her memory due to high fever ,she became disoriented, not knowing the change in events and time she went back to when she was a baby, then to when she was with uncle Ben ,the hallucinations gave Jeff and Jackson enough information about her life and what she went through all her life, even though she was delirious her wordings came out coherently and made sense. Each word came to them like sharp knives piercing chopping and cutting their hearts into pieces. The urgency in her voice alone was like salt in an open wound . She said it like it was happening in the present time.
"Kane, what do you think you are doing?
Kane am begging you ...don't do it, this is a big mistake a misunderstanding, am not supposed to be here, Kane will you listen? !! if you touch me I will be killed, Kane please for just this one time, have mercy on me
Kane for the love of God stop, K..Kane ,please don't. Just how do you live with yourself after you have done this..."like a tape recorder playing in repeat mode she went on and on.
She was even calling her dead mother to come to her rescue , poor child.
It was like she was re-living this episode with every detail afresh.
Every pain .
Every word she used that day to plead for mercy from her abductor the oppressor played in the same way, There was no alteration ,Jackson was listening remembering each one of those words , and why not when they were meant for him, they were said to him.
Now that he was listening ,hearing them again he wondered how he never listened, how he never obeyed, how come he ignored all that pleading was he intoxicated and by what?
Jackson could not take it anymore he started crying .
He cried biting his hand which was in his mouth in a fist to avoid making a sound, this was the girl he wanted to kill to avenge the deaths of his family, but like others he had played a part in her pain and was in her life more than ones the realization was killing him . She came back to make him pay what a pain this girl was , if only he knew she was this vengeful, if only.
Remembering how he was served the girl back then ....,the image stirs something inside of him until now.
The devilish kind of temptation that moves even the devil himself, he was not that drunk to not control himself but he could not point what his problem was. Was it just her ?he was given so many displays of breath taking beauties in the past but he never touched or shown interest to any of them.
Placed in an 'am not saying position...,'her hands were clamped on her sides ,her chest to the waist area was strapped tightly in place to limit her movements.... her leg propped up widely apart and strapped with her cookies in display so beautifully positioned with an obvious easy accessibility, he swallowed hard even by just remembering, her crying was like music beckoning him to a dance, and a dance he now regret dancing. Regrets are like grandchildren, they come later. If he could foretell then he would have avoided it
His arrogance wiped him clean of his family, was it worth the lives of all his innocent loved ones?
All he knews was that she.. was a virgin ,he took it forcefully and roughly and even though she begged for her own life which was attached to this fact that she had to remain intact or she dies he seemed not to care it tormented him to this day, one because he never saw her again and it scared him, was she killed, for many years he believed her...that if she lost her virginity she would get killed, yet here she was ...in flesh
He felt sick.This was expensive, her virginity...costing him lives?! and not one or two, several loved ones.
Was this her vengeance ,did she kill his family to revenge on what he stole from her? was that it?these thoughts were killing him, busting his head open with pressure...did I bring this to myself? to my family?
He cried for the pain he caused, who would have thought that the king of gods would one day feel sorry?
The man was not just handsome he was also beautiful, shaved clean he could take a role of a female model, he was full of himself and never touched a display all he did was to view and ignore, till he saw her
Something about her catching him completely, like a magnetic field of great energy strongly pulling him towards her, his pride, dignity ,self control even his ability to think, they all ran away and left him brainless, ....what he did to her that day, he had no control of and he regrets about it to this date, again...regrets.
Jeff on the other hand was in his own world. He had the kind of shock that pains to watch , so calm, so normal , so dangerously alert and unapproachable. The silence around him was like he stopped breathing.
Seeing that Jeff had left her in the cold floor ,also noticed that he was not himself Jackson walked slowly reducing the distance between himself and them . She was shivering and goosebumps covered her body . She was cold and sick, very sick one could tell by just one glance.
"Don't you think you should bring her to the hospital? "he asked Jeff who had his hands a kimbo confused
Getting no response, Jackson tried lifting the girl up and carried her to his favorite chair
he would not have made it were it not for his Butler who had come to bring him medicine.
He would have gone mad if it was not for this able man who was around and ready to help.The effects from her cries , the possibility of her remembering him and the fear of losing his remaining family powered like hell, his chest tightened so much that it felt painful to even breathe, holding his lungs dry of oxygen till he couldn't anymore, he took a generous amount of air in then said something that wasn't audible enough for anyone
"Am sorry, _______, thank you"The Butler was shocked to hear those words coming from Jackson's lips
if it was Jeff he would understand but Jackson? ! No way, something big must have happened to touch him so.
Jackson felt guilty and responsible for this girl's rough past . Fate was a twisted joke, always has been.
He was innocent of choice ...that was way of life ,how was he to know that he would end up hurting his brother this much, this was in deed a stupid twisted joke hard for him to fathom, cruel joke that was claiming his peace of mind, it was a game they played with his friends, the winner got the price but rich kids sometimes would buy the price, Jackson bought her that day he was never the winner , he was drawn to her to a point of fighting .
He bought the mistake of his life with his hard earned cash, how ironic though ,..to think he was driven towards it like a drug,and became violent when the others showed interest so they gave up for him.
but who would have known that his past would catch up with him and haunt him for the rest of his life?
Who would believe him if he said he was only having fun especially if they were not into his crazy ways of having fun. This could not be calmed down by calling it 'the past 'or the bygones that can be.
It happened in his past already, it should have been forgotten but it was never forgotten or forgiven
It grew bigger and bold then came back to look for him, yes she was the baddest, so bad that he was frightened.
She came to haunt him and was striking hard ...or was she waiting to strike?
"Crap ! Jackson, what Ave I done?"he asked himself and clicked out loud as if he was arguing with someone
"I participated in what Melody has gone through, I made her the crook she is today ,I am a monster, I ruined her life, she was just a little girl, that club---, is it still there?...but I paid for the service and besides they were selling her, if it wasn't me it still would have been someone else, but why is that not lessening this pain in my heart, it was my fault, I ruined you I know, but then I tried to amend, I came back but you were not there."
He kept repeating this statement on and on as he watched her get worse with every minute that passed by.
"Sir, are you okay? "The Butler asked with concern.
"Huh ? its nothing am fine "
He took his medicine wordlessly the poor guy stood there not knowing what to do next.
Jeff had been affected not by her sickness but by what she said she had to endure on her own, was life so unfair, he was older than her yet he suffered for just a few hours before Jackson took him in and fought hard to keep him, but she had suffered, lacked basic needs as a child ,was made a slave of prostitution in her teenage and when she grew up as a young adult she was made a weapon poor woman, her whole life was a nightmare and he didn't know how to fit in it without asking or reminding her of her past.
He staggered farther away from her like she was contagious ,her life experience was a maze ,very complex.
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