Capítulo 21: Like Sugar | Chapter Twenty-one
"You were such a fat baby," Nathalie laughed, holding on to Darnell's shoulders as she leaned forward to look at the picture properly. It was Tuesday evening and Darnell was sitting on the sofa in the living room while flipping a photo album his father had mailed to him. Since he exchanged numbers with his father they've been calling and texting each other. Darnell had been a little hesitant about sharing his address, but he eventually did, and a few days later a couple of his things got delivered to him.
The bag things hand come in was mostly filled with sentimental things Darnell couldn't take with him, but the icing on the cake was the photo album. Darnell loved looking at his pictures from when he was younger. He loved looking at pictures of relatives, and it made him smile whenever he spotted someone family. There was a downside to it, though. Darnell could barely look at pictures of his mother without his eyes getting spotted with unshed tears.
"Lord, where did all your cheeks go," Nathalie commented when Darnell flipped a page and they were soon looking at a picture of him sitting up on a play mat while drooling. Darnell frowned. He didn't like the picture at all. His parents had pampered him beyond words, and that resulted in an overweight baby. He lost most of that weight when he was a toddler, and if he was remembering what he was told about the events correctly, his aunt had to step in and take over his feeding.
"Your mother used to say I was starving you." Darnell smiled, remembering one of his aunt's sweet voice as she laughed. They used to have a lot of family reunions, and those were one of the things Darnell missed most in the first year since he was kicked out. He only had Nathalie, not the tens of family members that flooded his home during the holiday season.
"Why are you laughing?" Nathalie asked, making Darnell blink and come out from his thoughts. He realized he had a grin on his face, threatening to split his face in half. He relaxed, adjusting his sitting position on the sofa so that he had one leg up on the cushions with him.
"Why are you just hovering behind me?" Darnell asked, looking over his shoulders. Nathalie shrugged, leaning off him before walking around the furniture to join him on the sofa. She took the book from his lap, placing it on hers before plipping through the pages. She stopped at one, looking over at Darnell with a sad smile before flipping past it. It was a picture of his mum and dad smiling at the camera as they held hands.
"You're not feeling too good, are you?" Nathalie asked Darnell, watching as mixed emotion's pooled in the younger man's eyes. She could pinpoint what was going on. She had felt similarly when she was kicked out and her siblings developed a strained relationship with their parents because of their association with her.
"Darnell," she called, closing the book and putting it aside before reaching out to take his hand. Darnell turned his gaze to the floor, afraid that if he kept looking at her he would start crying. He had been doing so well trying to pretend that seeing his mother and father together in pictures didn't affect him. He had been doing so well pretending that looking at pictures of his mother cradling him didn't affect him. It hurt. It was a confusing pain. One of both sadness and anger. An 'all this wouldn't have happened if he had just not come out' conflicting with an 'all this wouldn't have happened if she had just accepted him' feeling. Was it her fault? Was it his fault? Why was he even trying to find whose fault it was?
Sometimes when he talked to his father they would somehow end up in a discussion about his mother. They would talk about her for a few minutes before one of them changed the topic because of the overwhelming awkwardness. Darnell wondered how their divorce went, and Darnell wondered if his father regretted his choice even though he told him he didn't. His father still loved his mother. He could spot it in his voice. He could hear the wavering confusion when he spoke about leaving her.
Though he wanted his father to be happy, he felt a little guilty for being happy that his father had decided to look at him. Was he at fault for that? Was he being selfish?
"Darnell," Nathalie called again, making the younger man blink back his tears before rubbing his nose with the side of his finger. His head felt a little heavy from his thoughts and all the effort he was putting into not crying. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but his throat felt dry, making him close his mouth and nibbled on his bottom lip. "It's not your fault," Nathalie said, giving the younger man's hand a squeeze. Darnell put on a forced smile as his gaze flickered to her. He shrugged, sighing as he looked down at his free hand. So, was it his mother's fault? That didn't sound right in his head.
"It's nobody's fault," Nathalie said, answering the question Darnell had swimming in his head. He looked at her, his lips slightly parted, watching as she smiled at him. "Life happens, and sometimes it does things that you don't want. You don't have your mum with you anymore, but you have your father. You can work with that," she said, her smile curving to the side as she looked at Darnell's slim fingers. The younger man sniffled, and then he nodded, watching as Nathalie let go of his hand.
"How's your dad?" she asked, changing the subject to Darnell's relief. The young man smiled, thinking about the texts he exchanged with his father. He also thought to the few calls they've had since then, thinking fondly to how his accent would shift because he was talking to his dad.
"He's doing alright," Darnell said, pulling his second leg up the couch too. He was wearing one of the many leggings that just littered the place. At this point, Nathalie and Darnell really didn't know who owned what, so they just shared clothes. They were roughly the same size, the only difference was that Natalie was just a few inches taller. "You know, I was a little worried about his living conditions since he didn't use to work, but I'm glad he's doing alright," Darnell said, making Nathalie nod. With time Darnell had come to learn that his father had a good living accommodation, and his textile business was going well. His English was also a lot less broken from what Darnell remembered, and that was a good thing. It was one of the main things that had prevented him from securing a job.
"You said he met Jared, right? Have they talked to each other one on one yet?" Nathalie asked, making Darnell's eyes go wide before he turned to face Nathalie who was now looking at him with a raised brow. The woman had eyeliner and lip gloss on as always.
"What? Can't you answer that?" she asked, watching as Darnell looked away from her as the younger man's face warmed up. Darnell's father had asked about Jared a lot. In fact, he wanted to talk to Jared one on one and asked Darnell to arrange a meeting for them. Darnell had promised he would do that, but it felt so formal and a bit scary to put Jared in that position. No, Darnell's father didn't hate Jared or anything he just wanted to look out for him. Darnell was still very young after all, and 'approving' of the person he was dating was something his father wanted to do.
"They haven't," Darnell said, watching his friend's other eyebrow shoot up. "I know that you're thinking; 'he keeps asking about him, so why not?' I don't know, okay?" Darnell said, looking away. He seemed flustered, and a little at war with his own thoughts. He sighed, trying to relax the frown that was on his face as he leaned back on the sofa.
"I'm just nervous. It's not like I just ask Jared to meet my dad—"
"But you can," Nathalie said, butting in.
Darnell shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "It's not that. I don't want Jared to feel weirded out. It'll be like bringing home a fiancé or something..." Darnell trailed, and Nathalie let out a small 'oh' before nodding in understanding.
"I get where you're coming from," she said. "Though, I don't think Jared would mind."
"You don't?" Darnell asked, surprised.
"Yeah, I have a feeling Jared would be happy about it even," she said, watching as Darnell pressed his tongue against his cheek as he stared down at the floor. He wasn't convinced yet. He started dating Jared just a while ago, and he was sure asking him to meet up with his dad formally was going too fast.
"Look, you've practically been dating for months now," Nathalie said, sensing what Darnell was worried about. "You've been acting like a couple since forever, you guys just put the words to it a while ago. That's all," Nathalie tried to explain. Darnell was a sentimental person, so she was a little worried about getting him to understand. Though it seemed she didn't need to push too much since Darnell was already lost in thought, and that was an indication that he was considering it.
"Okay," he mumbled. "I'll ask him about it tomorrow," he said, watching as Nathalie grinned at him before pulling her legs up and putting them on the coffee table in front of them. She was happy for her friend. She was happy that good things were happening to him. First reuniting with his father, and then getting together with a man who loved him unconditionally. It felt a little weird to see all that happen to Darnell in such a short time, and Nathalie wasn't sure if it was because she had a numbing feeling that he was leaving her nest, or if it was because she was a little jealous because she knew she would never be that lucky. She was stuck with bitter parents and too many people who were ashamed to make her their girlfriend.
She blinked, shaking off her thoughts before smiling at Darnell. This wasn't about her. This was about her friend. Things would straighten themselves out for her with time.
"Do you think your father would want to see a drag show?" she asked Darnell in an attempt to change the topic and push the focus to something else. Darnell had reached his hand over her to pick up the picture album. When he sat back up his eyes went wide. He had never thought of that.
"I don't know what my dad would think if he saw me walking around in a dress and padding," Darnell said, making Nathalie chuckle before shrugging.
"You could ask him. Hey, maybe you could bring him and Jared," Nathalie suggested, watching as Darnell farrowed his brows in thought. "I'm just brainstorming," she said, shrugging her shoulders as she looked out into the room. Despite all their landlord's yelling and screaming she still put up wallpapers with Darnell a few months ago. It was a nice pastel color that went nicely with the aesthetic of the cheap colored lights they found a way to install even though neither of them was very savvy with electrical installation.
Darnell smiled before getting off from the sofa. "I'll think about it," was all he said, hugging the photo album to himself before walking past Nathalie. Soon, he had left the living room leaning her in it by herself. She let out a sigh, shaking her head before getting up too.
"He'll be fine," she said, picking up the blanket that she had been carrying around. Darnell would be fine, she had no doubts about that. With one last look around the living room, she left it, heading to her own room to wallow in her own thoughts.
PENSAMENTOS DOS CRIADORES 
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