Capítulo 2: Best Weekend Ever! (1of3)
First of all, I don't have Stockholm syndrome. I don't. One just has to know how to be positive and smart... and funny... yeah, maybe also weird, but you know what I mean. I just managed to have a really fun time with my kidnapper.
You know, we ate, we talked, we played monopoly and stuff. It was fun. Man, that does sound like I might have hit my head somewhere during the kidnapping period. In my defence, I didn't hit it that hard, okay?! You know what, let me just tell you what happened.
So school was over and I knew that I would go back to an empty house. My parents were visiting grandma without me while two of my older siblings were out of town and two of my younger siblings were going to spend the weekend with their friends.
Gee, thanks a lot mom and dad. It's true I like solitude to a certain degree since we barely ever get that when we are five kids in total, but I also liked grandma. Grandma scares the youngest of our family, who is the most annoying brat in the entire household.
Anyways, I knew I would be home alone, thus, I deduced that no one would be home making me lunch, so I decided to head to the nearest pizzeria and get me some of that good stuff. Guess what though?
By the time I reached the entrance, there was already a long line still stretching through the doors. There were way too many people waiting to get a pizza. That was a bummer.
I'm just glad that one sweet guy decided to be sweet to an elegant young lady such as myself and gave me his pizza and coke. What? It was free pizza and coke! Did you expect me to say no to that? To pizza? And coke? No, you're the nut job. Normal people, I swear.
So Just as I sipped from the coke I kinda passed out... What? Don't ask me! I must've gotten a stroke or something! Doesn't have to be the coke being drugged. Like, please, that only works in movies. Or does it? I dunno, I just fainted there, and the next thing I know was that I was in some boy's bedroom.
What? Of course, it was a boy's bedroom! And no, I'm not saying this because it was untidy or the clothes on the floor looked like boy's clothes or that one boxer in the corner that old only be worn by a boy; it's because he had a paper stuck to the door with the name James on it.
James is not a unisex name. It's a boy's name, so I knew that it was a boy's bedroom. Obviously.
So when I woke up, the first thought that came to mind was 'why did he have a paper stuck to the door from the inside of the room with his name on it? Shouldn't you have it on the outside? What an idiot, am I right?
But then, I remembered my pizza and that I never actually ate any of it just yet, so I searched the room with my eyes and didn't see any signs of pizza or coke anywhere. I liked that coke. I was thirsty. Where was that coke anyway?
But then I realized another thing: this isn't any of my male brother's room and I'm even more certain that none of my bros was named James either. I've lived with my family for 16 years; the least I could do for them is remember their names. See what a caring person I am?
At some point, I figured out the reason why I was here: the sweet guy that gave me his pizza saved me from the sun and brought me back to his home so I could sleep comfortably and have some pizza later! Aww, isn't that nice? I should make friends with that guy.
At some point, Sweet guy, or maybe his name is James, I'm not sure because he might also have a sibling and realized it would be better to let a fabulous stranger such as myself rest in his bro's room instead of his.
It's a possibility. Where was I? Oh yeah. Well, for now, let's call him J, until I confirm to you that yes, he was James, but not yet, you need to know how I figured out that he really is James.
Uhhh... Oh yes. So J arrived in the room and I was just about to demand my gift pizza when he pulled out a toy gun, or what I thought it to be a toy gun.
"Alright, glad you're awake, now give me your parents' phone number!" He demanded to my astonishment.
Oh my... this wasn't what I thought it is!
"I thought you were being nice and going to ask me to pay it forward for someone else! It turned out that... you were interested in me?! Dude, I know I'm gorgeous and all, but do you have to take this so fast? But I respect your pure intentions to be in contact with my parents and get to know them before you start dating me. Alright, fine I'll give you their phone numbers, but why the toy gun? Do you think guns make men look tougher and more attractive? Well no, sir. What you did is attractive, you know, giving away your pizza and coke, but guns are just so childish. This will make my impression of you worsen. Now, you wouldn't want that, would you?"
And then I realized something very important. No one has ever let me talk for this long. Dude is a listener, a very good one at that! Everyone just thinks that I'm stupid, but I'm really just creative. I have a brain and I get to use it, however, I want to, got it?
Anyways, this made me feel like I could actually be friends with this guy with no regrets. However, when I looked back at him, he seemed to be stunned speechless. Dude was like a statue; he didn't even move, I swear!
Oh, I see... You think I'm stupid too? You just don't get it, do you? I'm never a picnic to talk to. What? That doesn't sound right...
Who cares! Back to the story. I barely moved off the bed when he came out of his trance and seemed to be angry, or confused. Maybe both.
"I'm not interested in you in that way! Don't you understand? I kidnapped you! I want your parents' numbers NOW!" He roared at me, shaking his gun.
"Now, listen mister," I point an accusing finger at him" that is no way to talk to a fine young lady such as myself. If we are going to get into a relationship, you can't be so rude and demanding. By the way, don't take the word 'kidnapping' so lightly! Kidnapping is a really traumatizing thing for a person, you know!"
I didn't like his tone, okay? Besides, there weren't enough clues to tell me that I was kidnapped at the time. Besides, that gun totally looked like a toy to me.
"Shut up and give me their numbers—"
"Tut tut. Say it nicely."
You know what he did after I said that? He widened his eyes on me like he couldn't believe me, or my level of, ahem ahem, 'creativity'. He looked at his gun again, maybe trying to figure out if it did look as threatening as it was supposed to be, but he ended up with an expression that told me he was lost.
Damn it, what part of what I said made it hard for him to understand?! Ask for my parents' numbers politely and then I might consider giving it to him! What an idiot!
At that moment, he looked back at me with narrowed eyes, probably trying to figure me out, but trust me, even my parents couldn't figure me out, and I'm literally made out of them, so what chance do you have at that?
But still, I looked at him innocently, with a small smile, waiting for that polite side of him that I saw earlier to come back.
At some point, he signed in resignation and looked at me again.
"Can I please get your parents numbers?"
"See? You have it in you! Good boy, mister James I think! Okay, get a pen and paper—or! You could write it on your hand like I do! See?" I gushed at his achievement and proceeded to show him my inky hands and wrists.
Let's just say, he didn't seem impressed.
After about ten minutes, I managed to recite to the right numbers to him and just chose to go for my mom's number because I made fewer mistakes reciting it.
"By the way, if you're gonna call my mom now, tell her that I don't appreciate her going off to grandma without me. I have a really cool grandma, you see. Everyone says that grandma and I are like two peas in a pod. Like I'm her younger clone yadda yadda." I tell him tentatively as he reached for a phone out of his pocket, the gun still pointed at my face.
Like, I don't get it; what's the use of playing this game if I don't get a gun. So unfair! My brothers never let me play laser tag or any gunfights or anything and now this? You should treat me special and play with me!
He ignored me with a shake of his head and proceeded to call my dear mother who I wasn't going to talk to for a while.
"I've kidnapped your daughter. If you wish to see her again, meet me at" yeah, I wasn't listening to that part" with 10 000$ in cash for me. Hopefully, I can bring her back safe to you."
"Oh yeah? How do we know that you did kidnap her? Let's hear her voice!" He put my mom's voice on loudspeaker so I could hear her.
"Fine then." He said, passing the phone over to me.
Nope, not talking.
"come on! Say something!" He urged me.
Still mad at mom.
"COME ON!" He yelled at me.
"Now, what did we just talk about, young ma— "And then I realized... I talked.
At least I didn't talk to mom. Serves you right, mom!
"Oh my goodness, my baby! My little imbecile— "
Hey?!
"What have you done to her?!" She screamed in panic.
Man, someone needs to tell her that this isn't actually a kidnapping case. This dude was paying it forward to me by giving me pizza and coke and after suffering from a stroke, brought me back to probably his room so I would recover, and now he wants to play gangster with me and trying to impress me and mom with his edginess.
Damn, is this guy bipolar or what?
"Bring the money, and I'll bring your daughter Monday." Oh, so he said it would be on a Monday~. Got it.
Just gonna chill with this guy till this whole game is over. I need to educate this guy. He's way too edgy. Mom sounded scared by his acting. He should tone it down a bit.
But that doesn't mean that I'm talking to her! I have a heart, okay?! Unlike other people who didn't let me see my elderly twin, my precious mother of my mother, my grandma.
He then hung up the phone and looked back at me, I looked back at him. He stared at me, I stared at him. He glared at me, I tried my best not to burst into laughter. I'm so not good at this game. This guy has the worst choice of games. I should teach him some new better games too.
"What is wrong with you?" He looked like me like he failed to figure out the simplest of math equations.
It's ok, I don't like math either.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I suck at these games, and you suck at picking them. First of all, when it comes to pretend kidnapping— "
"This isn't pretend! This is real! If you don't do as I say, I'll kill you— "
"Ah, you see there? This is one of your problems. In any real kidnapping, you would prefer your victim to be, you know, alive when you want to exchange them for money. You totally contradicted yourself there!" I cleverly point out.
"I..." His eyes widened a little and seeing him not really saying anything, I continued to point out the other flaws in his role-playing.
"Second of all, kidnappers always tie their victims to a chair or the bed so that when they come to, they can't escape or put up a fight! What's wrong with you? Try to make it seem a little more realistic! Go on, tie me up!" I demand with a stomp of my foot.
I think he was stunned speechless again.
After he was back to planet earth, he blinked a few times like I was unbelievable or something. I'm very well believable. I think, therefore, I am here. So yeah, I am real and I am believable, not some alien or an illusion.
"Um... I guess you have a point..."
Of course, I have a point! I'm not incompetent like you! But I didn't say that to his face, just thought of it. I mean, the poor guy might have suffered a stroke himself, just a lighter version of mine, so he might not have been thinking clearly.
Strokes make your gameplay confusing and full of holes. Always be healthy!
"But wait! Tie me up to a chair! I wanna stay sitting up!" I raise my hand in the air in anticipation.
I've never been tied to a chair before. I wanna try it. Then again, I was never tied to my bed... Actually, I was. I used to sleepwalk when I was little, but not anymore!
"Um, okay?" *I didn't think he digested my choice of furniture to get tied to yet.
Maybe he wanted to tie me to the bed after all? But nope! I am a strong, independent woman that don't need no man's opinion or just a man, I kinda forgot how it goes. I just wanted to get tied to a chair.
So he got some ropes from inside the drawer, looking back at me every once in a while, and dragged his desk chair next to the bed.
I obediently got up from the bed and sat elegantly on the chair. After all, I am s lady, and I must act like one, kind of, just not around food. Listen, you, I could act lady-like with just about anything, but you'll never make me behave lady-like while I'm eating. I eat a large pizza with everything on it and still manage to have a skinny body.
What were we talking about again? Oh yeah.
After he finished tying me up, I remembered my pizza. All that pizza talk in my head reminded me of the doe heaven in a plate, or box in this case.
"Hey, where's my pizza?" I scrunched my eyebrows.
"You mean, my pizza?" He raised his eyebrows.
"No, my pizza."
"You mean, the one I bought?"
"The one you gave me."
"You do realize that it was just bait and I wasn't planning to let you eat it at least, right?"
"What do you mean by that? What happened to my pizza?!"
"It's not yours, it's—I was just eating it right now!" He rubs his hair with his hands as if confusion eating him up.
Seriously, what's wrong with this guy? I'm not a Rubix cube, you know?
Wait a minute!
"Where's my coke?!" At this point, he seemed like he just wanted to throw the gun to the floor and hope it randomly sets a bullet off either to end his life or mine.
So another thing I should fix with him is his temper. He really should watch his temper. Must be sad for him to be so stupid and angry and bad at games all the time. He's lucky to have me as his future girlfriend.
"Yeah, that doesn't answer my question. How is my coke doing? Is it still okay? Does it need any form of surgery? Tell me, oh tell me, dear doctor!" Now that is an Oscar-winning performance, not his cheap excuse of a kidnapper performance.
I should teach him that as well.
Wait, is he about to cry? Whoa, no way...
I did it! I finally made him show regret for being a sad human being! This is my chance!
"Please get me some coke and pizza, please!! I'm hungry and thirsty please!" I beg him with my cutest puppy-dog expression I could muster.
"Alright, fine. I'll get you some pizza and coke, just shut up."
Dude looks desperate. I think I'm making his edginess soften a little. Good job, me!
"I want a large pepperoni pizza and a large coke, please!" I order innocently.
"That's expen—you know what, okay. Just stay right here and don't dare—nevermind."
Um, do you take me for a moron? I know what you were going to say! You were going to say that my order is expensive, which is not, and then you were going to tell me not to try calling for help. I don't know what's wrong with this guy, but okay. As long as I get my food.
After about an hour or so, he finally came back with a large coke and large box which I assume contains my pepperoni pizza.
"Took you long enough," I complain with a cute pout, still comfortably tied up in my chair.
Thanks for reading!
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