Wudi_Tianxia

I don't write bad reviews about things that I don't like, much less I insult the work of others. But, let me give you a review about what I think about the beggining of the story, it could help you. Look, when I read chapter 1 and saw that all the paragraphs were in indent, my expectations lowered a lot, but I keep reading until chapter 2 and I couldn't continue. The first chapter was bad, in the way that you don't give any information about the MC, only that he was a smart businessman with fortune, you present two characters and then the MC goes to the awakening ceremony. When you write a first chapter, you have to hook the reader to keep continue reading the story, usually in these types of story is about the MC, you should give me reasons to follow his path, but you don't, I don't even know about the personality of the MC or have a slight idea of it. In your place, I would have started the chapter like this, the three first paragraphs are good I would use them, then I would wirte about the thoughts of the MC, about his past life, how he died, about the world, if he knows it (I don't know if he knows it), and his ambitions. After that, I present the two maids, I would write a little about them, the past, how they met with the MC or you can give a general idea. Finally, at the end, they have a conversation with him and go to the awakening ceremony. Like I said, is an advice about the first chapter, I didn't even finished to read chapter 2 and I don't plan to, this story is not for me, that's all. Good luck with the fic!