I may have added the laughing emoji. but the question is serious
3) There will be no netorare in the novel. I'll even ask readers for their opinions in polls for certain scenes. The last thing I want is self inserting readers crying and bitching over useless things.
Fantasy · slowpokeChaos
Zhu Ying
Zhu Ying
この本は削除されました。
can you please change the name I want to use it for my novel. please don't troll
u making it sound like the dude just discovered their deathbut previous paras implies something else ..?
But now that they are dead, the thing that was breaking him the most was the same warm memories of his parents. The darkness inside him now felt boundless and endless and he was lost in it, cold and alone.
Fantasy · Hanand_Giri
....I not i.also too much .... takes my immersion out.I understand what u are going for but repeating the words didn't achieve it
"I want their warm love back, i want to hug them again, i want to see them again, i want to see them laughing and smiling again, i want play with my father once more, i want to eat the food made by my mother, i want to....i want to...i want to....i want to...i want to.....i want to....."
Fantasy · Hanand_Giri
why 'my' 😭😭
Without wasting his words on such a monster, Andrew moved towards him, his right hand outstretching towards the old man's head accompanying my right hand was a black pistol. His eyes never left the black bloodshot eyes, as he pressed the nozzle at the temple.
Fantasy · Hanand_Giri
on the floor*and I guess u missed so before that"so much that anyone would"
He looked so pitiful with his slim bony body draped in a pure white lab coat, sprawled in the floor, crying like there was no tommorow, that anyone might've felt sympathy towards the pitiful old man. But not Andrew.
Fantasy · Hanand_Giri
no need to say 'indicating his old age' when u literally started with old man
The old man before him looked to be in his sixties, he had a head full of white short hairs and cracks spreading all over his face indicating his old age. His bloodshot black eyes were spewing streams of tears that kept flowing with his mucus leaking from his snout.
Fantasy · Hanand_Giri
unfortunately didn't receive much readers and I am demotivated to write this.my upcoming story 'Return of Crimson Sword God' got better emotional first chap though.I love it.