BoombaTheSaint

Dude, it’s barely been a week since the previous update. No.

Honestly, it’s hard to like the MC. He’s too obnoxious and suspicious I’m surprised Rimuru isn’t weirded out by him. He is letting a lot of bad things happen just for a measly advantage. He is letting Rimuru do all the work even though he could help. Why isn’t he helping him name, share knowledge, admit some secrets, and clear some misunderstandings? By the way, Rimuru doesn’t have a special soul, just an interesting destiny. (Which btw your MC has as well). The thing about having a lot of destined ones means that many of the people close to him (Soul Corridor or Named) will have a big impact on the world. Shizue wasn’t a love interest (she never read as one). She was a kindred spirit, one Rimuru was able to open up to and later be thankful for. She’s basically the reason he became a mentor to Chloe (someone with a special soul).

Wish granting, systems, and desired world of reincarnation make for a clown story. Never give your MC extraordinary advantages or any advantages for that matter. Their modern knowledge is already an unfair advantage, most so the familiarity with the world they’ve reincarnated in. This isn’t a great or good start, and quite honestly, the MC’s advantages are off putting. Dragonlords don’t have immunity to fire, maybe some minor level of resistance compared to the common man but not outright immunity.

Thanks for reading…even if you ended up losing interest. Know that this fic is currently being rewritten, with a major focus on plot divergence and immediate butterfly effects. I’d also like to recommend my other fic: Dreadful Pride (a very uncommon take on the overlord SI genre). If you aren’t looking for a fic that cares little for the plot of canon then this is the fic for you.

I understand, you are unused to my style of writing…probably because of the lack of straightforwardness and the incredibly limited POV. I prioritise descriptions, and I try to show most of my stories instead of telling. I don’t exaggerate actions and don’t care much for excessive emotions. But to the stories you recommended. There aren’t really good examples of how to write since they are riddled with plenty of grammar errors, tense inconsistency, sporadic POVs and unreliable narration (something that should be exclusive to pov limited). The stories are simple and cliche because everything bends to accommodate for the male character’s actions and behaviour. What you did was tell me your preference in literature and say that my story was riddled with errors (errors you couldn’t identify might I add) before giving me poorly written fan works. That’s not criticism, friend. That’s you telling me what you like reading and telling me my story is wrongly written because it doesn’t fall under the criteria of the stories you enjoy reading.

It’s not. I’m open to some feedback though. Mind pointing out the places where you feel the writing gets uncomfortable or difficult to understand?

No, just a bit of reader’s block.

Didn’t intend to.