3rd person is often better than 1st person, the problem is the repetition of the characters names constantly saying what they are doing. This is better in your latest chapter, but in many sections it still feels like someone is telling me the story instead of me reading it. Most authors get better at writing with time, and I feel that you have definitely improved so far. I think if you keep going it could get a lot better, and 1st person is generally less popular so it's best to try and work on what you have already written. That and getting some editing tool to improve errors would greatly help you.
The 3rd person is very prominent and makes this extremely difficult to read. Basically every line starts with the characters name and then proceeds to explain what that character does or says. It is almost similar to reading a script. The grammar is also just generally not great, though that can be improved. My main critisizism is the way the story is told to you instead of you experiencing. It's like this character did this and said that and felt that way. The writing should express that, but leave some room for interpretation instead of being so closed. Hope my ramblings make some sense, this is intended to be constrcutive not cruel.
I think the Wasp turned into a caterpillar and the healing bugs still exist. The wasps haven't been mentioned in a while.
Realizing that the cultivation space was very limited, Shishou wasn't planning to give the centipede a spot just yet.
Naruto: Swarm System
Anime & Comics · Betek
Is he going to find the Horcrux early?
"However, it's very likely that the object was taken... If Voldemort was involved fifty years ago, it's possible the object is in the old Gaunt house."
Harry Potter: The New Dark Lord Shelby
Movies · Kitty_Loves_Milk
I swear I've only seen this gif referenced in the weirdest ways
Both couples showed black question-mark expressions at the same time.
Rick in Marvel and DC: Fusion
Movies · harsh07
Not sure how relevant that is, my main point is that the Weasley Family Vault only had 1 Galleon and 58 Sickles. Given 500£ = 100 Galleons in this book, that's pretty bad.
"These items can be obtained at Diagon Alley. Wizarding currency consists of Gold Galleons, Silver Sickles, and Bronze Knuts. But for Muggle-born wizards like Artel attending Hogwarts, you can convert British pounds into wizarding currency at Gringotts Bank. Five hundred pounds will fetch you 100 Galleons."
Harry Potter: The New Dark Lord Shelby
Movies · Kitty_Loves_Milk
Well the story would lead us to believe that some random shield agent managed to track her just using the internet before the foundation found her, so the foundation somehow should not even know where she is at this time.
May had learned a lot from talking with SCP-166 as she had been designated, or Eden as she was called, a pretty enough name, far better than referring to someone as SCP-166 much less if they are a little girl.
Marvel: The Foundation
Movies · Darkstar_crow
SCP-3199 -147
Marvel: The Foundation
Movies · Darkstar_crow
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original A Title
It is worth reading, BELIEVE IT! Also, look at the sick custom cover.51 Chs 11 お気に入り
Why does this remind of this song?
ERRYUN was what one would call an admirer of the princess. He simply found her to be completely beautiful ever since he first saw her he was enamored. Her golden hair glistened in the sunlight illuminating her innocents, her sky blue eyes that held boundless kindness behind them, her small delicate frame in need of protection, all it took was a single glance and he was hopelessly in love with her.
Princess and her knight(Overlord AU)
Anime & Comics · Xinum_Sensational