so many chapters already....what will you do later.
found you!
この章は削除されました。
Nothing 63916742
Urban · tuba_san
Overall the plot is a bit rushed in my opinion. I think you should try to add some atmosphere, do some world building, that might help the pacing a bit. Other then that it's just the grammar and writing that needs a whole bunch of work. To improve your own skill level you will have to look up things and practice, but there is another issue too: careless mistakes. So you should definitely review your chapters after writing them, so you can spot the typos and errors like that yourself before posting! Since you said you'll try and edit these chapters, best of luck with that.
*spits on the ugly drawings*
" What is this? all the drawings are so ugly."
Gate of Immortality
Eastern · starry8sword
Instead of saying "apparently blood", try describing a foul odor in the air, which convinced MC (and readers) that it was blood.
After saying this the panther brought yang shi, into a cave. What yang shi saw caused him to vomit. Inside the cave was an open space, with a pool in the center, the pool was filled with dark red liquid, which was apparently human blood. Littered around it was countless bones, with four pillars at four corners. 'so, the so-called altar is an ancient formation, hmm, some runes aren't at its correct place and the blood energy is not enough the formation, Wait, hoe did I know this, Ah its the memory of that man"." who have you brought little black?" a voice boomed in the cave.
Gate of Immortality
Eastern · starry8sword
Try to space out your sentences and aim for shorter paragraphs. Also for system interface, try to write it like '[System] blablabla [Quests] blablabla' by spacing it out and giving a system feel.
There are many errors throughout the chapter, some of which might be because of author's skill level, but others are just typos and mistakes. Would recommend reviewing the chapter after writing it to spot such errors before posting. Or coming back, reviewing an older chapter and fixing it.
The author's writing has improved a lot from the past. Also the plot changed from the original novel, so even if you were a fan of that you should read this one. This is a present for the author.
Villainous Young Master's Otherworldly Harem
Fantasy · starry8sword