pretty mid writing tbh
All the inner monologuing is just boring, and very predictable. the air of mystery you wanna create isn't forming.
You think it's cool, but it ain't, it's just plain confusing
Thanks, I'll be dropping this now.
Hasn't broke the fourth wall even once yet
Keeps getting more confusing and worse...
The build-up was not worth it man. I'm sorry but you can't cook.
Nah, this is just bad writing at this point. Really poor writing. Astartes are a bracket above normal humans, no matter how much skill, you can defeat an astartes in a battle of physical might. if MC defeats them without becoming a fully grown astartes himself, then that just proves my point that it's all bad writing.
Major plot hole, if the organs reverted back, they can heal back again, or better yet be replaced to do the surgery again, this nerf makes zero logical sense
You take the story forward very slowly. Keeping MC stuck, and in turn the readers. In the starting chapters, there's nothing present to hook the readers in by anything, MC just keeps being a pussy and a Wimp in front of his boss, even after having potentially world changing powers. he just keeps plotting without taking action. this leaves a bad taste in the mouth of most readers who want instant gratification of revenge or MCs development. most readers won't even read past the first few chapters due to it. and even if they do, your MC's character and thinking is way too one dimensional. as such, you leave little room for character development.
Absolute Power and Forbidden Desires
Fantasy · RoshNur