Ichi the Killer is a quality manga!
He even watched some scary ones like A Serbian Film, Human Centipede, and Ichi the Killer. In his opinion, these movies were even on the mild side. (Note: I have never seen any of these goddamn movies. I don't like gore and horror... Although I do like Seinen manga/anime).
Hollywood What If
Movies · pujimaki
Gz on a 100!
A great natural moment!
That was great!
It's a fun story, thanks for writing!
What a fun idea, Sunset crew a nice name too![img=recommend]
"You don't have to answer me so quickly. I'll come back in eight years. By then, you should be an old man in his sixties. If you still dare to come with me and be my chef, I'll take you to find ALL BLUE!" This was exactly Hiruma's plan. He planned to set sail same as Luffy and recruit his own crew along the way, without interfering with each other. Luffy had his "Straw Hat Pirates," and Hiruma had his own "Elderly, Weak, Sick, and Disabled Sunset Crew."
One Piece: Reincarnated as a Worthless Bandit
Anime & Comics · Darker_Than_Black
Immersion is being in the moment with the story, What is happening right now, and what are the characters feeling, It's about having a picture/movie of the moment in your imagination. What helps with this is Knowing how the characters look, knowing how the setting looks(the buildings, the surroundings in general), and character interaction. In this case, the women were talking and joking but without warning it goes to a big memory retelling. Your imagined story (the movie in your head) is broken. During this, the reader will get detached from the present of the story and has no reason to really care about the memory world. I have not read anything past this point of the story, Maybe this part could be removed if you think it's a mistake. Is there anything crucial in this memory arc? there are some good battle scenes in the memory but they are told at the wrong place, you can write these in the present war or way shorter telling of exploits by the friend in this interaction. mention the important information shortly like the rewards she got if they are important in the interaction and it'll likely connect well with the story you wrote after. good luck have fun.
The past memories arc broke immersion. it should have just been a short speech point to progress with the story but it was abrupt and 13 chapters about a memory of battle scenes not crucial to the story. I Read a few and skipped the rest; now the interest and immersion are gone. good luck have fun.
Great chap!
Naruto : Hidden Cloud
Anime & Comics · ImagineMaker