Maple

Maple

LV 11
2017-04-20 入りました Global
バッジ 7

Moments 680
Maple
Maple
15 hours ago
Commented

Okay... everything is moving too fast. The parents discover that their two-year-old daughter has changed overnight but no problem. Petunia approaches Severus, and without any prior interaction, she declares that she already knows his wizarding status. You really need to work on the pacing of this story. Everything goes too quickly, no scene is developed and your character accepts too easily the things that happen to her : "Oh ! Am I reincarnated ? Great. And in the world of Harry Potter ? No problem ! And I have a system ? Who would have believed it ?" ... Do you see the problem ?

Maple
Maple
15 hours ago
Commented

You're speeding things up a lot.

"Yes," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I accept."

Reborn as Petunia Evans with a System

Reborn as Petunia Evans with a System

Book&Literature · ilo1234

Maple
Maple
15 hours ago
Commented

She accepts her situation a little quickly, doesn't she ?

Maple
Maple
15 hours ago
Commented

Isn't Petunia older than Lily ?

Maple
Maple
14 days ago
Replied to rANDOMuser12

Not an horcrux. No scar.

"You carry many interesting patterns," Pythia observed, walking around him. "Meridians from one world, magic from another. Divine energy gathered from faith, yet bound by souls split between the mundane and celestial. Most curious indeed." She raised her wand. "Shall we see how they all connect?"

Young Celestial Wizard [Celestial Grimoire, Harry Potter]

Young Celestial Wizard [Celestial Grimoire, Harry Potter]

Book&Literature · Evoxius

Maple
Maple
14 days ago
Replied to LongSongGolden

No. He said it correctly: "moldu" means "muggle" in French. And we know that the Flamels speak to Harry in French from time to time. Or they slip into their native language without realizing it.

"See that particular fissure there?" Nicolas pointed to a deep crack running through the temple floor. "When a magical person approaches it..." He walked closer, and the crack began spreading wider, transforming into smooth stone steps that led down into darkness. "Rather clever bit of enchantment, that. The moldus see nothing but shadows."

Young Celestial Wizard [Celestial Grimoire, Harry Potter]

Young Celestial Wizard [Celestial Grimoire, Harry Potter]

Book&Literature · Evoxius

Maple
Maple
19 days ago
Commented

Cal Kestis survives Order 66. He runs away and hides to become the hero of a certain game series.

In another timeline, both would fall to Order 66. Not this time.

Star Wars: Let's Give This Another Go

Star Wars: Let's Give This Another Go

Movies · IronSimian

Maple
Maple
23 days ago
Commented

Bought then abandoned ? Captured then trafficked... and then escaped ? There's many possibilities.

How did an Alolan Vulpix end up in Hoenn?

Pokemon: Psychic Master

Pokemon: Psychic Master

Video Games · michaeI

Maple
Maple
27 days ago
Commented

Was this supposed to be an inner dialogue ?

This man is a bit strange, though I can't pinpoint exactly why, but in all my years on the job, this was the first time someone gave me such an odd feeling. It was like... like a dormant volcano.

Pokémon: Chronicles of Freedom

Pokémon: Chronicles of Freedom

Anime & Comics · Golden_DragonKing

Maple
Maple
1 months ago
Commented

Third

Ron leaned in conspiratorially. "There's a good chance it's hidden on the fourth floor."

Hogwarts: Harry Potter’s Return from the Witcher World

Hogwarts: Harry Potter’s Return from the Witcher World

Book&Literature · michaeI

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