Noctua

LV 5
2017-08-01 入りました Ascension Island
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オリジナル作品
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Noctua
Noctua
1 months ago
Commented

I would recommend that you think about chapter as their own small story within the main story. Do to count so much the words, but try to keep it consistent, you can do multiple chapters with a different character's perspective if you want to make it longer. For example you could have Rubi for a section of the playthrough and introduce the perspective of a streamer, another character lets call him Saphire with the perspective of a casual player, another lets say Emerald that is a simulation designer, each with their own story, perspective, at different times in the playthrough and their dedicated chapter. Then the MC's overview of their reactions. This is just a suggestion. I think a structture like this makes it easier on the readers.

Should I limit it to 3-5 chapters, or create one large chapter covering their playthrough? Perhaps I should aim for about 3-5k words per chapter across 2-3 chapters.

Becoming the Strongest as a Game Dev

Becoming the Strongest as a Game Dev

Video Games · Najicablitz626

Noctua
Noctua
4 months ago
Commented

just saying, but couldn't he kinda of used the eye on the daimio? with pressure from the daimio, if well used he could have bought himself quite some time. Look at the kaze, without the support from their daimio the village if close to falling apart in canon.

Noctua
Noctua
5 months ago
Commented

This, the MC comments on the house system. I kind wish the author didn't bring them up, cause this just out right pointed out an unexplored route. The book by ravenclaw, the elements, it would be interesting if each house was taken as more than their traits, but also as a predisposition towards one of the described areas of magic. Something that was lost to time. Just saying it would be a nice plot line that the author seemingly outright missed.

Noctua
Noctua
8 months ago
Posted

OMFG! I'm the Chosen One. [Star Wars SI] Sorry, but I remember reading this story somewhere else. You don't seem to be the author as your grammar somehow got worse than the original, If you are going to copy someone else's work you should at least inform your readers of such and post a link to the original.

この本は削除されました。
Noctua
Noctua
9 months ago
Commented

I do wonder if they could have healed Croc by transforming him? Perhaps temporary to permanent with a boost from Giovanni? It would be an avenue to explore deeper into the talismans powers.

Noctua
Noctua
9 months ago
Commented

I think I am a couple chapters away from dropping this story from my library. He is a Uzumaki, yet 20 chapters and no fuinjutsu... I mean the fact that you made him a Uzumaki should signal this story would somehow heavily focus on the art... if there is none and by the levels of taijutsu being thrown around might aswell had made the MC a senju.

Noctua
Noctua
9 months ago
Replied to Noctua

Sorry I said edit, I meant proofread...

Noctua
Noctua
9 months ago
Commented

Thanks for the chapter. Can you do something about the grammar? I don't know if you are to enthusiastic as you are getting along the chapters, but it seems to be getting worse. Try to paste it in chat gpt and ask for a edit, perhaps it would work.

Noctua
Noctua
10 months ago
Commented

3 whole short chapters for this, I guess at this point the author is just farming. This story looked like it had potential, a pity.

Noctua
Noctua
10 months ago
Commented

The last few chapters are worrying me, it feels like you are focusing to much on the romantic drama and losing the essence of both the series in the crossover. When I started reading this fiction I found the combo of the endearing darkness from addam's family with the magic from HP would make an interesting read, but you are failing to grab onto that.

  • Erik Chandler an Harry Potter's Fanfiction original

    Erik Chandler an Harry Potter's Fanfiction

    Book&Literature

    Erik Chandler is an orphan halfblood wizard, son of an halfblood father and a muggleborn mother. He lives in a loft above a barricaded shop just a few steps off the turn into Knockturn alley. He is also a casual fan reborn into his favourite world, ready to explore it for all its wonders. But first, he needs to find out how to magic his way into the light that is Diagon, without being captured by a dark wizard or an hag. Be aware this story does not follow canon strictly, as I, the author intend to just make use of the marvellous world J.K.Rowlling presented us with to practice my writing skills with a character of my own. Has such, events in canon will still happen and will have an effect in the story, but won't be descrived in full and the story itself hopefully won't crash and distort said events.

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