章 27: The Seafloor Palace
Skyworld...
Pit and Jared rush to the door to start the adventure.
"Duty calls! And Pit answers!" Pit said.
"I do too. So what's our plan for today?" Jared asked.
Pit and Jared leaps through the door.
"We need to refocus our efforts on Medusa, so today's target is Tanatos, god of death." Palutena said, telepathically.
Earth...
Pit and Jared fly down through the clouds and arrive at a desert.
"Tanatos?! You mean THE Tanatos?! Wait...who's Tanatos again?" Pit asked.
"Yeah. Who is he again? There's so many enemies that I've faced." Jared said, sadly.
Jared closed his eyes to picture the classic, 8-bit appearances of Tanatos and Medusa from the original Kid Icarus.
"Back in the '80s, Tanatos took the form of a snake on Medusa's head. He's quite the chameleon, you see, and that was his 'look' back then." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Great fashion sense. But as god of death, he must be a big deal in the Underworld Army." Pit said.
"He possesses a key to the Underworld, and he's leading Medusa's invasion of the sea."
"So we'll be fighting his forces in the sea? How are we supposed to do that?" Pit asked.
"Yeah. Um...how am I supposed to fight underwater?" Jared asked.
"Just use your gills. Tell me, Pit, Jared, how are you with branchial respiration?" Palutena asked, telepathically.
"Oh, no worries. I minored in branchial respiration. WAIT, YOU'RE CRAZY!" Pit said, angrily.
"OK, just hold your breath then. For about two hours."
"I SAID YOU'RE CRAZY!" Pit said.
"Ahhh, I can smell the ocean." Pit said.
"Same. I haven't been to the beach in a while." Jared said, happily.
"We're heading to Tanatos's base, the Seafloor Palace." Palutena said, telepathically.
"And it was one of my homes in this fan fiction universe. Next to Atlantis. Hi! " Gura said, telepathically.
Pit and Jared fly over a steep mound of sand and arrive at the ocean.
"Lady Palutena, you were kidding about holding our breaths, right?" Pit asked.
"Who the hell do you think we are? Gawr Gura?" Jared asked.
"You guys are gonna love this." Gura said, telepathically.
"Watch and learn, pupils. Witness the true power of the goddess of light! Ready, set...dum da da daaah! ♪" Palutena said, telepathically.
The ocean splits open and forms a path for Pit and Jared to take.
"Whoa ho ho ho hoooaaa! You've outdone yourself, Lady Palutena!" Pit said.
"Yeah. That was awesome! As awesome as Gura doing some ASMR streams." Jared said, happily.
"Which one do you like more? Me making Christmas cookies or me vacuuming?" Gura asked, telepathically.
"Both were awesome. As long as you are your cute self."
"Aww. Thanks. Next stop: the Seafloor Palace!"
Pit and Jared begin flying through the newly-formed path.
"This is just one more bullet point on your already-impressive resume!" Pit said.
"Heh heh! What can I say? I'm an overachiever." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Ho, now! Just one second there, lassie!" ??? said, telepathically.
"Huh?" Pit asked.
"Oh, heh heh...Lord Poseidon!" Palutena said, telepathically.
"One of my daddies!" Gura said, telepathically.
"Hello, Gura. Tsk, tsk, Palutena. Lies don't become a lady." Poseidon said, telepathically.
"I'm sorry. But can't a goddess have a little fun?" Palutena asked, telepathically.
"So that sea-parting business was...?" Pit asked.
"'Twas obviously my doing, silly boy." Poseidon said, telepathically.
"I knew it wouldn't have been Gawr Gura. She's hydrodynamic!" Jared said, excitedly. "And she needs two big floaties!"
"Are you calling me flat?" Gura asked, telepathically.
"No…"
"Jared, Gura, no fighting. To pull off an attack on the Seafloor Palace, I went to the sea god himself." Palutena daid, telepathically.
"It all makes sense now." Pit said.
"I wouldn't allow anyone else to part my ocean! In fact, I've half a mind to put it back together!" Poseidon said, telepathically.
"No! Please don't do that!" Pit said.
"I don't want to drown!" Jared said. "That would be an awful way to die!"
Pit and Jared travel further down through the ocean.
"We're going deeper now." Palutena said, telepathically.
"The ocean is beautiful. I get why you wanted to leave it, Gura. It can be so boring sometimes." Jared said.
"Despite your mischievous ways, like my daughter Gura, you should know you have my full support." Poseidon said, telepathically.
"Much obliged, Lord Poseidon." Palutena said, telepathically.
"It was bad enough when the dark forces were contained in the Underworld. But extending their reach to the sea and land is completely unacceptable. As the goddess of light, it falls on you to destroy them. I have faith that you will." Poseidon said, telepathically.
"You have my word."
"Uh, and mine too!" Pit said.
"Mine too." Jared said.
Pit and Jared begin flying through the remains of a destroyed city.
"Wasn't this a city?" Gura asked, telepathically.
"Yes, but I sunk it long ago." Poseidon said, telepathically.
"Sunk it? That's a bit...extreme." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Humans consist of equal parts hubris, envy, and deceit. Sometimes one has to put them in their place." Poseidon said, telepathically.
"You're not wrong." Jared said, letting out a sigh.
Pit and Jared notices some coral.
"This coral is sooo beautiful!" Pit said.
"True, but don't forget the old saying that every coral has its thorn." Palutena said, telepathically.
"I'm pretty sure you're thinking of roses."
"And I'M pretty sure I'm thinking of coral."
"Under the sea. Under the sea. Darling it's better. Down where it's wetter. Take it from me." Jared said.
"Up on the shore they work all day. Out in the sun they slave away. While we devotin'. Full time to floatin'. Under the sea." Gura said, telepathically.
Pit and Jared reach the ocean floor.
"We've arrived at the ocean floor. Only a little longer until we reach the palace! From there, we'll defeat Tanatos and take his key to the Underworld." Palutena said, telepathically.
"That's beautiful…" Jared said, in awe.
The Seafloor Palace comes into view.
"That was my home before I went up to the surface!" Gura said, excitedly.
"Look!" Palutena said, telepathically.
"So that's the Seafloor Palace. I thought it'd be covered in barnacles and kelp, but it's actually very nice." Pit said.
"I'll be closing up the sea now. It should wipe out any Underworld stragglers." Poseidon said, telepathically.
"Just give us one more moment." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Please! We're not wearing life vests!" Pit said.
Pit and Jared fly down into the Seafloor Palace.
"I can't swim that deep!" Jared said.
Seafloor Palace…
Pit and Jared land inside the Seafloor Palace.
"The sea is closed now." Palutena said, telepathically.
"My work here is finished. Good luck, you three!" Poseidon said, telepathically.
"Thanks for your help!" Pit said.
"We really appreciate it." Jared said.
"Oh, goody—guests! Protecting an impregnable fortress can get awfully lonely." Thanatos said, telepathically.
"Is that you, Tanatos?" Palutena asked, telepathically.
"Actually, I go by Thanatos now. The extra H is for hamazing." Thanatos said, telepathically.
"...Have we met before?" Pit asked.
"I'm wounded, truly I am. I know it's been awhile, but surely you haven't forgotten your old foe?" Thanatos asked, telepathically.
"Sorry...there are just so many foes and only one of me."
"Tell me about it. I forget about the foes I face with Team RWBY and the Doctor." Jared said, sadly. "There is only one of me too."
"You know we've crushed Medusa's other commanders, Thanatos. Just give us the key to the Underworld, and we won't be forced to harm you." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Hoo hoo hoo! Impatient as always, I see! But since you've come all this way... Wouldn't you like to stay and catch up for a bit? Oh, pretty please?" Thanatos asked, telepathically.
"So you're not going to give up the key." Gura said, telepathically. "Aw man. Just give 'em the key, chief."
"No need to get all huffy now. I'll have you know that I much prefer honey to vinegar. And I prefer witty repartee to any condiment!" Thanatos said, telepathically.
"This is getting nowhere. Our goal here is to track down Medusa, right?" Pit asked.
"Yes. Thanatos is basically Medusa's right-hand man. That's why he has the only key to the Underworld." Palutena said, telepathically.
"I have no such thing! None whatsoever! Honestly. HONESTLY." Thanatos said, telepathically.
"How did THIS guy get to be Medusa's second in command?" Pit asked.
"Beats me. Seniority?" Palutena asked, telepathically.
"Why did you go to the Seafloor Palace without me? Why? I could have given you a tour." Gura said, telepathically.
"I know, I know. I love your charisma. And you're less annoying than Thanatos." Jared said, happily.
"Helloooo? It's rude to exclude!" Thanatos said, telepathically.
"OK, if Thanatos won't give up the key, we'll have to take it from him." Pit said.
"The longer we wait, the more we have to lose. We need to strike soon. We only have a little way to go, so buckle down." Palutena said, telepathically.
"I'm buckled and ready!"
"Same here. Now if only my weapon was a trident." Jared said, letting out a sigh.
"Yoo hoo! Can you hear me? I'd like to be a part of this conversation please!" Thanatos said, telepathically.
"Shut it already!" Pit said.
"Just shut up, Thanatos! Seriously? Having the name Thanos in your name." Jared said, looking around the place.
"Me? But the two of you have been talking this whole fan fiction series! And Jared is the main character of this entire fan fiction. Pit is more of a late addition!" Thanatos said, telepathically.
"So, Gura, I loved that drawing you did of yourself and Calli." Jared said.
Pit and Jared enters the level 9 Intensity Gate.
"Glad you like it. I worked hard on it." Gura said, telepathically. "Mommy Kiara should take me to the aquarium again later."
Pit and Jared enters a room with shallow water.
"It seems like there's an electric current running through the water here." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Oh, my. An excess of frizowatts must have overloaded the dooziestat." Thanatos said, telepathically.
"Riiiight." Pit said.
"Hurry over the water when the current stops, Pit, Jared." Palutena said, telepathically.
"If there is one thing I don't want. It's being in a base under siege filled with ghosts and water." Jared said, sadly.
"You do realize you jinxed yourself there." Pit said.
"Oh. You walked right into that one." Gura said, telepathically.
Pit and Jared approaches a set of three Grind Rails.
"The grind rails run parallel to each other, so you can switch between them. Stay focused on what's coming up!" Palutena said, telepathically.
Pit and Jared proceed to the next room with Pit taking the green Grind Rail and Jared takes the blue Grind Rail at the end.
"Wait! Is that a hole up there?!" Pit exclaimed.
"Uh-oh!" Palutena said, telepathically.
"Wah!" Jared said.
Pit and Jared falls through the hole, arriving in a room full of enemies.
"Ooof!" Pit said.
"Everything OK?" Palutena asked, telepathically.
"It just surprised me." Pit said.
"Same. I didn't see that coming." Jared said.
"There are more holes in the floor around the two of you, so be careful. It makes us three look bad when you two fall. Oh, and it hurts too." Palutena said, telepathically.
"You're back at the start…" Gura said, telepathically.
Pit and Jared proceeds through the palace and winds up back in the lobby.
"How come?" Jared asked.
"Weren't we here already?" Pit asked.
"Yes, but there's good news! A new path has appeared. Follow it to move forward." Palutena said, telepathically.
Pit and Jared enters a room with an icy floor.
"Whoa! It's slippery!" Pit said.
"Hoo hoo! Isn't skating just delightful?" Thanatos asked, telepathically.
"I wish MY domain had a skating rink." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Yeah, it's really...great." Pit said.
"I'm not one for ice skating. Or rollerblading. But why did I forget about this being here?" Jared asked.
Pit and Jared reach an elevator.
"An elevator! Well, that's convenient." Pit said.
"Going up." Gura said, telepathically.
"This feeling, it's strange, isn't it? It's almost as though it came fluttering down from the sky. The color of this special season fills me with excitement. From the moment we met. The melody of my heart has been ringing with premonitions. It can't be stopped, it won't be stopped -- why?" Jared asked.
"Ring out. Shall I name this heart-rending pain 'Snow halation'? I can't wait for our feelings to resonate; it's frustrating, but it's a pure-hearted devotion called love. Even in this mild fever, I can't hesitate. I'll accept the courage to dive in; it's about to start!"
"Now approaching...the second floor." Palutena said, telepathically.
"This play-by-play really isn't necessary." Pit said.
"It really isn't." Jared said, letting out a sigh.
"Now approaching...the third floor." Thanatos said, telepathically.
"..." Pit said.
"..." Palutena said.
"..." Jared said.
"..." Gura said.
"Are you four ignoring me?" Thanatos asked, telepathically.
Pit and Jared falls into the ditch with the Pluton.
"Watch out for that Pluton. If it steals items from you, defeat it and take them back." Palutena said, telepathically.
"That should be easy enough." Jared said, happily.
On the bridge next to the ditch with the Pluton, a weapon conversation or random conversation may trigger.
"Y'know, I've always loved hoodies." Jared said, smiling.
"Really? Do you like mine?" Gura asked, telepathically.
"I had your hoodie as my phone wallpaper for a good while. You and Lamy."
"Lamy? You love winter like me."
"Always have. Always will. Even if snow is a pain in the ass to shovel up. Christmas, New Years, and Valentines Day."
Pit and Jared heads down a bridge, which collapses beneath them.
"Gah!" Pit said.
"Just your run-of-the mill trap door. Shake it off and keep moving." Palutena said, telepathically.
"What's that?" Gura asked.
Pit and Jared enters a room with a Vakloom.
"See that mollusk-like enemy? It's called a Vakloom." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Vakloom. More like vacuum." Jared said, smirking.
"Yay!" Gura said, telepathically. "I love sucking things with my vacumm."
"So what's its deal?" Pit asked, telepathically. "The Vakloom."
"It absorbs the energy of ranged shots and then fires it back at you as a laser. Until it fires at you, though, it remains protected by an armored shell." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Well, if it's hungry for shots, the only thing to do is shoot it. We'll get it out of that shell any way we have to!" Pit said.
Pit and Jared jumps onto a moving platform.
"What's this?" Pit asked.
"Looks like a moving platform. Stay on it." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Let me jazz things up for you a smidge. We do have to keep things interesting! Hoo hoo hoo!" Thanatos said, telepathically.
"So, Gura, I love your banjo and ukulele." Jared said. "You play really well."
"Thanks." Gura said, telepathically. "What happens in the next chapter?"
"Oh, you, Ame, and Ina will watch the action from afar. Can't spoil anything yet."
"Keep on trooping, little troopers!" Thanatos said, telepathically.
"I'm curious about something, Thanatos." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Yes?"
"You are the god of death, are you not? And if the Underworld is the land of the dead, why don't you outrank Medusa?"
"I'm not really interested in climbing the corporate ladder. You wouldn't believe the amount of overtime you have to put in. Plus, that sort of strict hierarchy isn't the Underworld style."
"You're avoiding my question."
"What was that? You seem to be cutting out! La la laaaaa la! I can't heeeear you!"
"It's hard to get a good read on him...I can't tell if he's weird or just dim." Pit said.
"I think it's both…" Jared said, sadly.
"A-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa." Thanatos said.
Pit and Jared heads into another room.
"Thanatos should be in the next room over." Palutena said, telepathically.
"Oh, goody! Then do let us get to the fisticuffing!" Pit said.
"This has been a long chapter. At least Gura and I managed to sing Snow Halation." Jared said.
Pit and Jared rushes into the boss room, where they find Thanatos lazily floating above his throne.
"In English." Gura said, telepathically. "It could never beat singing it in Japanese, chief."
"Oooah! I must have dozed off there." Thanatos said, standing up and stretches. "Hooah. Waiting around is such exhausting work!"
"Heroes always arrive late on the scene!" Pit said.
"Whether it's by flying or walking." Jared said, smiling.
Pit and Jared strike a pose and the battle initiates.
"Thanatos is a skilled chameleon. Don't be surprised if he changes into a spider or scorpion or cockroach or tick...or a moth or lizard or leech or tapeworm or centipede or bat or snake or...cat." Palutena said, telepathically.
"But a cat...would be kind of cute, right?" Pit asked.
"He's not as cute as to when Kiara turns into a frog, a crow, or a sheep." Jared said, smirking.
"Mommy does love turning into zoo animals." Gura said, telepathically.
"Would she approve of it if I try and kill a member of the KFP?"
"No. She wouldn't!"
"I'm tempted to reach for my book of snappy comebacks, but...maybe I should just show you? And a one, and a two...and a ONE, TWO, THREEE!" Thanatos said.
Thanatos transforms into an urn.
"I'm just going to catch a few z's here. By the way, your attacks are useless." Thanatos said.
"There must be some way to hurt him. Why don't you try hitting those skulls back at him?" Palutena asked, telepathically.
Jared did as Palutena suggested.
"A piece of cake." Jared said, smiling.
Thanatos transforms into a bat.
"Keee keee!" Thanatos said.
"That's not even what a bat sounds like!" Gura said.
"Woop woop woop woop woop!"
"And a bat doesn't sound like that either!" Jared said, angrily.
"This is getting really annoying really fast!" Pit said.
Thanatos transforms into a sword.
"Slicety slice! Dicety dice! Stabbity stab stab stab stab!" Thanatos said.
"No need to sound so gleeful!" Pit said.
"Maybe you can get the sword to hit the spears when they're in the ground." Palutena said, telepathically.
Thanatos transforms into a nesting doll.
"What's this?!" Gura exclaimed.
"It looks like he turned into a doll." Jared said, frowning. "A doll. Really?"
The Thanatos doll pops open, revealing a smaller doll.
"There's something inside of the doll!" Pit said.
"Wait...inside Thanatos...is a mini Thanatos? I wonder if they sell these in the gift shop." Palutena said, telepathically.
After each doll opens and reveals a smaller one, a tiny Thanatos finally emerges from the last one.
"Ah ha! There he is!" Pit said.
Thanatos transforms into a giant foot.
"A foot?" Pit asked.
"Really, how much harm could…" Palutena said, telepathically.
"Ever heard of athlete's foot?!" Thanatos exclaimed.
Pit and Jared defeats Thanatos.
"Crushing victory!" Pit said.
"Crushing defeat!" Thanatos said.
Epilogue
Thanatos begins to spin in place.
"Fareweeeeell!" Thanatos said.
Thanatos disappears and the Underworld Key appears in his place.
"Pick up that gem, Pit, Jared." Palutena said, telepathically.
"What's that?" Gura asked, telepathically.
Pit picks up the key and observes it.
"It looks like a key." Jared said, frowning. "Bit disappointing."
"This is our key to the Underworld." Palutena said, telepathically.
"And we just have...to hold it?" Pit asked.
A light shines down over Pit and Jared.
"Holding a key and fighting is gonna get awkward." Jared said, scoffing.
"More or less. But first, we have to get the both of you geared up for the final battle." Palutena said, telepathically.
Pit tosses the key into the air and he catches it with Jared, then Palutena whisks the two away.
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