章 5: Explode or Implode
"So, Ms. Ki. Could you please tell us about what you consider to be your strengths?"
Beats me. Idiots.
It was sometime in August 2021. I was dressed nicely in my best suit, for I only had one, sitting in what felt like an interrogation room except that it was a job interview. I didn't only do many mock interviews with myself in the mirror, but this was my 16th job interview so you could say I was a seasoned job seeker at this point.
I can do this. I am prepared for this question - I told myself.
"My strength is in never giving up. I grew up in a family that suffered many financial difficulties, but my parents always worked hard to sustain our livelihood and they have been my greatest inspiration. I know that with focus, hard work, and dedication to self-improvement, one can eventually come to do anything. Given enough time of course"
Shit. Why did I add that in the end?
"That's good to hear. But at a company, you often don't have the luxury of enough time".
"Right, Sir. That's why I will work hard to be given enough time"
"Excuse me?"
"No, I mean-, I will work hard to improve myself so that I will always have enough time to do things… I am given to do"
I felt like my self-destruction process had just started.
Again.
"That is an… interesting way to phrase things. Let's move on. What do you consider to be your weakness?"
"I thrive under pressure"
"I meant your weakness"
"That is my weakness. I need pressure to thrive"
"And what if you don't get that pressure?"
"That, you do not need to worry about, Sir. I am confident that I will always reach a point where I feel the pressure and will thrive under it"
"Why is that?"
"Because I feel pressure when I don't have enough time to complete a task"
"…"
I knew this was going wrong, but the best I could do was to keep a friendly smile, which probably made me come across as a bigger idiot than I sounded.
"So, tell me, Ms. Ki. Could it be that you are a procrastinator? And that's why you always have not enough time to do things?"
"No, far from it, Sir. I'm an early starter"
"In what ways?"
"I start to feel the pressure right from the start, under which I thrive, obviously"
An older and balder man sitting next to the main interviewer couldn't suppress his chuckle and immediately covered it up as a cough.
"Right. Next question. Would you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert?"
Ah, of course, they would like an extrovert as their worker, right?
"I would say I'm a complete extrovert"
"How would you define an introvert and an extrovert?"
"An extrovert is more likely to explode while an introvert is more likely to implode"
Take that! That came out of nowhere but I thought it was the smartest thing I said all afternoon.
"So… you are likely to explode?"
Ah, shit. It was a trap! They probably don't want people who explode and cause trouble with co-workers. Back-paddle is the only way.
"Sir, please excuse me. I said it wrong. I'm a COMPLETE introvert. You can be assured of that, Sir"
Then the two interviewers sitting at the table across me looked at each other as if to ask 'What do you think?', and they quickly nodded in unison.
"Well, that certainly seems to be the case, Ms. Ki. Thank you for coming to the interview today"
"Er… this is the end?"
"Yes"
"May I ask any questions?"
"Sure, go ahead"
"I feel like there are some major topics we haven't covered yet, like when I could start working, work hours, salary packages, how long the probation period will be, and all that"
The balder one of the two covered his mouth with his hand and I could tell from the shape of his eyes that this motherfucker was laughing. He's totally laughing at ME.
"Ahem, Ms. Ki. Those questions can be discussed in the… next round of the interview"
Don't take me for an idiot! I knew I fucked up. Something went wrong. I'll have to play this over in my head again tonight to analyze, but I knew this job interview didn't go well, just like every other interview that I was fortunate enough to get invited to. But that didn't mean they had to make fun of me.
"Right, thank you, Sir. I think I understand. May I ask you just one thing?"
"Go for it"
"Which anti-hair loss product is the best?", then I pointed at the balder one, "No, not you, Sir. Because yours clearly isn't working"
"Wha-?!"
"Have a good day"
I swiftly left the room and slammed the door shut behind me.
Three years later, after 37 more failed interviews and countless more job applications that got rejected without even making it to the interviews, I was no longer a seasoned job seeker, but a full-time NEET.
My life seemed to be on the way up though, as I finally got my breakthrough in web novel writing as my contract application on the Webnovel platform was finally accepted after so many years of trial and failures and failures and failures.
I was ecstatic. No more job seeking! I am a professional writer now!
I told myself and I firmly believed in that. I even entertained the thought of calling my parents to proudly announce, although I never talked to them over the years since I moved out.
I wrote diligently and updated twice a day. The spirit was high and the mind restless. Even when I was getting 0 collection increases for days in a row despite going through the regular process of features, I took the plunge and went premium. People will only take things seriously when they paid for them - I told myself. Getting the readers to pay for my chapters was the key to developing a fan base of serious readers - I firmly believed.
Yet the subscription numbers remained 0 and collection didn't grow. Even the view count dropped to a double-digit increase per day. I persevered. I persevered and soldiered on telling myself I would have my first income by November 10th. Then that one-star review happened.
To learn that it was from Haein, and that this might be the spark of the inconsistencies that unsettled the equilibrium of the doom cycle - I never would have guessed.
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