/ Anime & Comics / The Vice Captain of the WhiteBeard Pirates
概要
In the Desolate world of one piece, a young man finds himself wrapped right in the middle of it all. Follow him as he follows his captain and proclaimed "Father" Whitebeard as they explore the sea, fight pirates, marines and God knows what in this fan fiction web series.
DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM THE ONE PIECE ANIME OR MANGA EXCEPT FOR THE OC.
THIS IS MY FIRST NOVEL, PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW ON WHETHER I COOKED OR NOT. MUCH LOVE
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25レビュー
4.3
- テキストの品質
- アップデートの安定性
- ストーリー展開
- キャラクターデザイン
- 世界の背景
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The story is really well written, a great start so far and enjoyable... there's just one major flaw that I recommend that the author fixes. The paragraphs are really long, making it straining for the eyes and hard to read. there are unnecessarily long paragraphs that are like a running text that flows without end. When I started out writing fanfics, that was the first error I committed that I had to learn to fix, and if you the author can correct this, you'll have very popular stories in the future based on what you've written so far. Yes, I did write this review in one long paragraph, running text, to make a point. below, I'll write the exact thing I did do far, but with smaller paragraphs as an example. ------- The story is really well written, a great start so far and enjoyable... There's just one major flaw that I recommend that the author fixes. The paragraphs are really long, making it straining for the eyes, and hard to read. There are unnecessarily long paragraphs, that are like a running text that flows without end. When I started out writing fanfics, that was the first error I committed that I had to learn to fix, and if you the author can correct this, you'll have very popular stories in the future based on what you've written so far. This should have been much easier to read and understand, hopefully, you got my point. 3.9/5 and if you correct the paragraphs, It'll be a 4.3/5.
Interesting novel so far with good grammar and spelling. I like that you didn’t choose Marco and made your own character as whitebeards vice captain
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Not my cup of coffee but maybe u guys might like it Try reading for 5-10 chapters
hey atuhor if you decide to rewrite or reboot this story, you might want to consider more world building such as how does he got the haki,skills etc and more into immersion of the story the idea is good but needs polishing because right now it feels so jumpy. suddenly he can fight zephyr and then rayleigh so yeaa overall its good to read when you want to relax but as the story progresses i find myself questioning about his battle powers u know ehehe good luck author keep up
Just happened to come across this one and I have to say that this was an amazing read so far. Great writing, highly recommended to give it a read.
I really liked the story, keep it up Mr. Author 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
When was this written? There is a lot of inconsistency, Marco wasn't in Whitebeard's cew at the time of God Valley, he was 4/5 years old. And in the novel not mentioned stussy, gloriosa and captain john in rocks crew. I also didn't like the fact that the MC wanted to be an NPC. His mentality doesn't make sense that he has King's Haki, he clearly doesn't have what it takes.
It’s a good story I just can’t get over the feeling that whenever the mc fights someone weaker than him they end up either tied or they survive somehow.
me gusto espero que no lo abandones ni te quedes sin ideas [img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]
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written well. mc acts a little autistic due to merging? with the kaiju devil fruits personality. the story starts at the rocks era which is always fun to read. its a bit of a crack fic as the mc gains strength very fast and dosent focus at all on training. brief mentions of it if anything. if thats your thing this is a fun read .
História interessante,principalmente por começar na época dos monstros antigos mas algo que poderia mudar era a personalidade do MC,tudo bem ele ser dorminhoco e tals isso até vai,mas ele ficar falando desse jeito arrastado é muito estranho dava para sei lá fazer o marco "curar" esse problema do MC ou encontrar um médico para isso pq um cara tão forte falando desse jeito é bizarro e sem graça
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Only read if you’re bored, I read up to ch.12. Mc starts off stranded on an island at age 9, eats a zoan devil fruit (ghidorah version), and somehow easily awakens all 3 aspects of haki and also awakens his fruit before he’s 15. Whitebeard and Big Mom land on his island and they instantly fight after tiny dialogue, meets Xebec and gets roped into joining the crew. Also the mc doesn’t remember his name just because, (No explanation for that) and then Xebec gives him a name. Word count is too low per chapter, grammar is barely average, paragraphs are thick blocks of text. Author doesn’t differentiate between talking and thinking, characters are super bland, every interaction between people is so basic it hurts to read. Ex: (Whitebeard looks at me funny. “Let’s fight gurarara” laughing just because.) There is so little context and the mc just looks dumb trying to fight whitebeard, big mom, sengoku, etc at the beginning chapters.