章 1: Hi
Oh, hello!
I didn't expect to meet you here, especially after finishing my new Marvel movie with someone named Hobo Logan.
To be honest with you, that film cost quite a bit to make and is highly anticipated, which has put a lot of pressure on me, you know?
But I'm lucky that Ryan Reynolds is a fan of mine, so I get to have a face that even Robert Pattinson would be envious of.
But this guy played Green Lantern, and that a sad fact
And that fucker Francis, he dared to turn Ryan's face into a moldy slice of bread! Even twoface still look better than him
... I think I might have gone off track a bit.
Anyway, welcome, everyone! I didn't expect anyone to actually read fanfiction about me!
If you're wondering why this fanfic came to be, let me spill the beans for you.
Actually, the author of this fanfic loves me, even though this guy never goes to the theater to watch my movies.
And while looking for porn films, he suddenly got inspired and decided to write about me.
I mean, what the shit? Is this guy really getting inspired while searching for porn? Does he have a problem with his brain? Or is he gay?
Let's ease off on attacking this guy; after all, he's just someone who likes to touch his "balls" and write about two works that no one remembers.
So... what's the content of this fanfic? A The Boys crossover? Or a DC crossover?
Sorry to disappoint you, but the actual content of this fanfic is about...
Hold on, let me check the script of this guy who likes to write about all that random stuff from China.
Hmm... wait a second...
You've got to be fucking kidding me, author
You really wrote about me, the handsome guy ranked 38th in the top 100, in a multiverse where anime, DC, porn, blah blah exist?
Dude...
Why don't you get checked at a mental hospital? Do you really want this fanfic to get that much attention?
I even feel sorry for you; you write about two novels, but the number of readers doesn't even reach 100,000. Is that why you wrote about me after my movie came out?
I didn't expect you to be that pathetic; I bet your mom didn't expect her creation to be even worse than the neighbor's kid.
Oh, wait, you're Asian—I forgot! You must have been hit with a broomstick or something, haha!
But whatever! I don't use Twitter, so I won't attack you too much! After all, you're the author.
Alright, let me see how you describe me...
Wade Wilson, a Canadian, who wanted to cure his cancer and went to Francis, blah blah blah, the plot of Deadpool 1.
Wait a minute... where's Vanessa?
What the fuck?! That's canon—why did you just toss her aside??
Don't tell me it's...
YOU FUCKER!
THIS IS FANFIC ABOUT HAREM DIDN'T YOU?!
THANKS YOU!
BUT FUCK YOU!
Why are all your novels harems?? Even I, a supposedly loyal person (I guess), end up in there?
You've changed the genders of all the characters from Chinese history and mythology just to make them love interests for the main character, and now it's my turn to be the main character??
Are you planning to turn Cable into an old lady with Johnny Silverhand's hand?
Why don't you just turn me into a woman, you weirdo?
I won't say I'm going to touch myself, though...
[Actually, this time I didn't change anyone's gender at all.]
Oh! Finally, you spoke up, you jerk. I knew you had a mouth!
Do you think just because I'm a fictional character, you can mess with me?
Sorry, Creator 2024, you don't own me, and I know if you write me wrong and break my character's personality, readers will hate you.
[...]
Got hit right in the feels, huh? Also, what? You didn't change anyone's gender, so what are you planning to write about? Are you going to write about me being stronger than all the other characters and then, with just one step and every girl ready to take off her skirt?
Can't you be more creative?
[Sorry...]
Oh, don't apologize, I didn't know you had such low self-esteem. So, who's in my harem?
[Harle-]
Oh, you watch the Super Bowl too? I quite like that, especially the part where I get into bed with Harley Quinn.
[...]
Is there anyone else?
[...Spider Gwe-]
WHAT?! SPIDER GWEN?? Do you really want Miles to be lonely?! They're canon events!
[...Peni P-]
Take her off the list.
[Huh?]
GET HER OUT NOW!!! SHE'S UNDERAGE, I'M NOT "Ava Kris Tyson"!!
[O-OKAY!!]
[Umm... Madame Web]
...who?
[Madame Web? What's going on?]
... alright, you know what? Just scrap this whole fanfic, it was ruined the moment you thought of this.
[Wait, there are more girls!]
Thanks for reading, everyone! Even though this crap isn't worth your time, and there's no chapter 2, so don't expect anything from this fucker
[Deadpool, pleas-]
Goodbye, my beloved readers! No matter what your gender is, this Santa will still love you!
Oh, and remember to go to the theater to watch my new movie! Love you all!
[Dea-]
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