章 34: Roomies (10)
Dance practice had ended and for the first time, Ju Hae wasn't there to end it with them. Ju Hae was in a hospital bed and unable to walk, unable to move, and barely breathing. Dance practice ended and Ha-rin just wanted to go to the dorm and sleep.
Of course, she knew she would be held back as soon as the familiar voice of her teacher spoke up.
"Ah, Ha-rin, I wanted to talk to you about something. It's about the schedule…" Her teacher, usually demanding and harsh in practice, called her over with his voice soft.
Ha-rin looked at her members, who remained, and nodded them out the door. They looked at her confused, as it was every practice she would be called after at this point. But they never said a word, as Ha-rin would always explain it as 'leader duties'. She supposed it didn't bother them enough to press.
They shut the door behind them as they left, and it was only then her teacher's expression turned a bit sour. "Ha-rin, I heard about what happened to Ju Hae…"
She stiffened.
"I saw the clip." Her teacher said, taking a step towards her.
She clenched her fist, the memory of that moment, on stage, the whole world and more watching them fall apart. She hated it. She hated everything in that moment and now.
"When you looked up, when you asked for help. And Ha-rin– no one was coming…" He said, in an almost creepy sadness, he caressed Ha-rin's cheek, as her eyes began to burn. "She was just there, in your arms, passed out, all pale. Ha-rin, I watched her stomach slow in your arms…"
The recollection made Ha-rin's eyes burn red, and a tear fell from her eye.
"And when they finally came out, everyone had seen. And Ha-rin, seeing you so– so sad, made me even more sad." He cooed in her ear, wiping at her tears. "Shh, I'm here. I'll be here for you… I can be what your groupmates can't." He said.
Ha-rin began to sob. She kept her arms still by her side as her teacher engulfed her in a hug. He brought her arms up to wrap around his shoulders.
"I'm here, Ha-rin, use me."
Joon-woo woke up, not in a cold sweat, but tired. Kite was asleep perched on the edge of the bed. Bo Jaesang was snoring away, Ryeo Hyun had his eyes closed with his stomach slow enough to be sleeping. And Joon-woo figured that Jung Hyun-Ok was passed out asleep, as the man was quite the heavy sleeper and seemed to be plenty tired by the time they had finished their PR video votes.
It was 3:54 A.M. when Joon-woo recalled the contents of his dream. That's how Ha-rin's teacher had hooked a leash around her, that's when Ha-rin finally trusted the man. And god, did he feel stupid thinking back.
She should've known, at 17, at debut, that he only meant the worst with her. With the way he would always whisper into her ear, and force contact. Ha-rin should've stopped him and she didn't. She fell for it.
Joon-woo lied there and recalled his day. He recalled the violence he had experienced from his team, the words. His roommates, who were teamed together, talked about how great their trainer was and how fun it was to be teamed, and Joon-woo watched with a frown.
Couldn't he just score a non-violent team? Did he really look that assault-able? He pulled his wrist to his face. It was at its peak shade of purple and peak point of pain. Tomorrow Teacher Nam would have a list of songs to suit their various talents and what not. Tomorrow Joon-woo would have to see his teammates that hated his guts.
He sighed. He was tired. He was tired and he wanted to rest, he wanted to put his feet on solid ground. He wanted to feel the food beneath him and he wanted to lie upon it without consequence.
That was that he wanted, when he killed himself, to find peace. Was this really the peace he wanted? Why was he even doing this? He had gotten physically assaulted twice already, his nightmares had gotten heavier, and people hated him.
He looked at Ryeo Hyun who slept soundly across from him. Friends. He had made friends, yes. But were friends really what could drive someone? Drive him? Could friends actually drive Joon-woo, Ha-rin to want to be something more?
He thought of Reggie. He thought of Reggie, who had leaned his head on Joon-woo's shoulder as if trusting of him. How Reggie's hair had brushed against Joon-woo's neck, breath too, and Joon-woo didn't mind.
Perhaps Joon-woo had begun to seek comfort in Reggie's presence. He gulped at the idea.
The bed above him suddenly creaked. Jung Hyun-Ok, Joon-woo thought. What was he doing up? It was then he heard the soft buzzing of a phone. Hyun-Ok's phone.
It buzzed for a few moments before it was answered.
"[Hey, Ma.]" Hyun-Ok's groggy voice spoke.
Joon-woo was surprised by the English, he had forgotten Jung Hyun-Ok was half-white. He heard English muttering in reply in the silence.
"[Yes, I was sleeping– but it's fine.]" Jung Hyun-Ok frantically reassured. "[Have you just gotten off work?]" He asked, voice as fond as Joon-woo had ever heard it.
English mumbled replied. Jung Hyun-Ok chuckled an almost sad chuckle.
"[I miss you too, Ma. I want to visit, I'll visit soon.]" Jung Hyun-Ok said, making Joon-woo's stomach a bit queasy.
Family. Faraway family, but family all alike. Maybe that's what drove some people. Was Hyun-Ok driven by such? Was Reggie driven by such?
"[I love you too. Take a nap or something, yeah? You seem tired.]" Jung Hyun-Ok reassured. Some mumbling followed. "[Yeah, I'll sleep too.]"
Jung Hyun-Ok hung up the phone and sighed. Joon-woo listened, for the time that it took, as Jung Hyun-Ok drifted back off to sleep. A heavy sleeper, that's what he was, Joon-woo thought.
–+–
Joon-woo really, really didn't want to go to his team. Everything would be recorded this session. Down to their reactions and body language. It would spare Joon-woo from his team's bullying, but he would still have to pretend he didn't hate their guts just as they did him.
His roommates had offered to walk with him to the Team Ten recording room, but he had rigorously refused. He figured they had offered to monitor him, as his panic attack the day before probably weighed heavy on their minds.
Even Kite, in all it's arrogance, offered to tag along. But Joon-woo had sent Kite off to do Kite-things. Who knows what that bird did, it was literally the grim reaper after all. Shit on things, stalk people? Joon-woo wasn't really interested.
But Joon-woo really, really didn't want them to see, to know. He could deal with this for the next couple days, no problem. And he didn't want a group of concerned puppies to be on his ass about it.
He entered the recording room with a sigh, putting on his fake face as the cameras had already begun to roll.
Baek Du-Ho sat in the same place he had before. He looked at Joon-woo when he entered, but then looked away. Joon-woo's brows furrowed. They were alone, what happened to the oh-so-cool bully persona from yesterday?
Joon-woo took a cautious seat as far from Du-Ho as he could.
"Good morning Hyung." Joon-woo greeted, a camera service.
Baek Du-Ho flinched up, looking at Joon-woo. Joon-woo did a tiny gesture to the blinking camera. Had this guy not noticed it? Du-Ho nodded in acknowledgement, gulping.
"Yes, good morning to you too." He replied, too weakly in Joon-woo's opinion. The camera, the editors, would surely catch on. Baek Du-Ho's voice still sounded dry, uninterested. Couldn't this guy act? He would need that if he debuted, Joon-woo was sure.
Joon-woo pursed his lips. Du-Ho clearly did not want to continue talking, but what choice did they have? Image is everything, and the higher your rank the more you have to pay attention.
"Are you excited to see what songs Teacher Nam has picked for us?" Joon-woo asked, putting on a fake smile. If Joon-woo at least appeared to be friendly, only Du-Ho would face criticism.
Baek Du-Ho nodded, "Yeah."
"What are you hoping for? Any genre?"
"I don't really mind."
Joon-woo was gonna kill this kid. Did he miss socializing lesson 101? Is it that hard to continue a conversation? "Hmm. But you like rap, right? I think you rapped well…" Joon-woo turned his body to face Du-Ho, he even tilted his head to come off as curious to the camera.
"Thank you." Baek Du-Ho replied.
Joon-woo gave up then. He had done enough. He had showed the camera his kindness and attempts to chat.
Just then, as Joon-woo was already frustrated enough, a quite shaky and drowsy Teacher Nam pushed through the door. His steps were long and heavy, as if a zombie. And his cheerful demeanor from yesterday was replaced by a heavy cheeks twisting his face into a frown.
Joon-woo gulped, as in Teacher Nam's hand was a handwritten list of a few songs that Joon-woo couldn't quite read thanks to their distance. Had the man stayed up all night sorting through songs for them to do? For them? For Rank 21 and 26's… voices?
"Oh, good morning Sunbae-nim…" Joon-woo made sure to greet first. He thought back to Baek Du-Ho's competitive nature for Teacher Nam's validation. Maybe he would have to provoke the rapper more, Joon-woo should.
Du-Ho greeted the man after Joon-woo with a short glare in Joon-woo's way. Joon-woo replied with a small smile, as if to play dumb.
It was at least two minutes later, about one minute late, when Rank 21 and 26 walked casually into the recording room. Rank 26 had his arms on the back of his head he walked like some k-drama gangster despite being in his early twenties and fucking pathetic. Rank 21 just followed behind, his lackey, Joon-woo joked.
Joon-woo thought they would take a seat away from him, and away from even Du-Ho, based on yesterday's… events. But to his most fearful surprise, they took a comfortable seat next to Joon-woo, putting him in Rank 26's reach. He shivered, as though he ridiculed the two, they were quite scary.
And now that Joon-woo knew what Rank 26 could morally do without guilt, he gulped. He looked to Du-Ho, their team leader, who sat awkwardly away from his team. What a team, Joon-woo grimaced.
Teacher Nam fumbled with the recording equipment, facing away from the group. Rank 26 smirked at the sight, and he turned to Joon-woo, who in his fear, had forgotten to greet the two.
"You're not gonna greet your seniors?" Rank 26 asked, as if the cameras were completely non-existent.
Joon-woo looked only below Rank 26's eyes, "Oh, I'm sorry." He apologized, "Goodmorning, Sunbae." He said with a small smile, he then covered his mouth as if to cough. "Ough– Noona…" He said, hiding the title under a cough.
Rank 26 looked wide-eyed at Joon-woo, before turning to his lackey, Rank 21. Joon-woo had controlled his voice so only Rank 26 could hear, so Rank 21 made a confused expression when Rank 26 looked at him expectantly.
Rank 26 turned to Joon-woo with his face dark and Joon-woo would be lying if he said he wasn't a bit freaked out by the intensity of it. But still, Joon-woo kept his hand low and out of view as he shifted it into sticking out his middle finger.
Rank 26's face dropped and the man in his softly built biceps heaved. Joon-woo pursed his lips nervously. He and his small size could only tease Rank 26 so much before he probably got beaten to death.
Luckily, Teacher Nam spoke up, finally done setting up the equipment.
"Ah, sorry for keeping you guys waiting." Teacher Nam apologized, his eyes drowsy with overwork. "But I've composed a list of songs that I think you all can show your skill well on."
Joon-woo fist's balled. This kid's voice suited most genres, the Ha-rin in him thanked god for blessing this kid with such singing talents. But he would prefer a song that showed off Baek Du-Ho's rap to a minimum, as selfish as it seemed.
Teacher Nam adjusted his hold on a handwritten list of songs, before looking to the group and clearing his throat.
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