章 145: 25. Just Give Me A Reason.
I was sitting in the living room on my chair. Not the one you're thinking of, but another one that I had gotten over the years. It was an old, worn-out leather chair with faded leather and unpolished wooden parts. Despite its appearance, it was actually quite comfortable. I had my legs tucked under me and had just finished eating. The rest of the hive was in the kitchen, talking and preparing desserts and upcoming meals. I could feel the presence of my hive, but I also sensed Damon's influence on it.
Number two, in particular, seemed quite volatile. He was tired, and even Mariella and the rest of the Salvatores had kept him on IV feeding and resting. It had been difficult for him to be Annaliese's slave, and the knowledge that there were still five of them left added to his exhaustion. I was worried about Magnum. It was possible that he would no longer want to be a vampire after all of this, or that it would somehow change him. I just couldn't be sure.
Wulfe had been by my side almost constantly, and he was relieved that I was okay. I felt the same way. However, I knew they wanted to talk to me about the drugs. My tendency to keep secrets had caught them off guard, but honestly, what could they have done? My body reacts in its own unique way, and there's no way to predict how a new drug will affect me unless they actually give it to me. And I definitely wasn't going to let them inject those drugs into my veins. So in this case, knowledge isn't really useful. Even if they had known about the drugs, there wouldn't have been anything they could do. I wouldn't have had the time to unleash my rage and block the drugs before I passed out. If I can't help myself, then no one else can either.
Damon walked into the room, followed by the rest of the hive, including wizards, Alaric, Katherine, and Elena. It was strange to see our larger group together, our hive, but as I felt their presence, everything felt right. Wulfe came to sit in the chair next to me. There was in his eyes a longing to be close to me. Of course, he was still deeply affected by everything that had happened, and we would need some time alone together. I knew that much, but only time would reveal what was next for us.
As Mariella sat on the sofa, Elena, Katherine, and the wolves joined her. It was interesting to see that she wasn't surrounded by the Salvatores as I had assumed. Before I had a chance to react, Number Two approached me, lifted me up, and settled me in his lap. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. I leaned into him, letting him know I wasn't going anywhere. I could sense his distress as well.
Number One sat in a nearby chair, he was slightly irritated, as he had not gotten to me at first, and spoke, his voice calm and steady, not giving out his distress, "It's time for you to provide more information about those drugs. Give us samples and we can establish a protocol for handling them when they are used."
I turned my head to him, looking at him, and replied, "I learned about them the hard way during those seven years, through personal experiences on multiple occasions. It took time for me to get the FDA involved discreetly, as I didn't want my enemies to know my weaknesses."
I sighed softly as phantom sensations were trying to push through.
Wulfe worked his magic, pushing them away, looking at me, tilting his head slightly, and asking, "What do you mean by discreetly? How would your enemies find out if you're working with the FDA?"
I sighed and explained, "Well, Sark, Krycheck, and several others keep an eye on the FDA. If there were sudden strict regulations on obtaining certain anesthetics without any public announcement or connection to overdoses or abuses, it would raise suspicions. It wouldn't be difficult for them to trace it back to my involvement with the FDA and assume that those drugs are dangerous for me. This would make them focus on creating and obtaining them. They are not all synthetic, but there are certain plants involved, and they are found more in jungles. So, I need a legitimate reason to tighten those permits. I need evidence of overdoses in facilities involving victims, not myself but humans or supernatural."
My voice was tired and quiet despite being fully safe in the arms of Number Two.
Damon nodded and added, "Yeah, but you should still inform us so we can prepare. We need to know and be able to take action. We don't have to be as discreet. I could compel a few guys to confess their methods. Learn to trust us and share your secrets."
He looked at me. He again did not think, but reacted just by my words. He lifted his leg on top of the other one, his fingers drumming to his thigh absentmindedly.
I responded, "If I can't block the effects with my rage, there's nothing you can do either. My rage is my best defense against them. The only way for you to develop a decent antidote or find a way to block them would be to drug me with them and study me. Plus, these drugs will affect you too. It's not pleasant to have romidifine in your veins. I have an inability to feel euphoria, so it's not a high that I experience from these drugs. It's a nasty feeling of being sedated. So, I'm not volunteering to be your guinea pig."
Number two stroked me. He felt my anxiety about these drugs.
Wulfe remarked coolly, his expression pretty tight, "I could create a potion to help you with those drugs, to block their effects. You do know that I am pretty damn strong."
I wearily told him, "Yeah, sure, but it's not very often that I get hit with drugs. And from my experience, potions are nasty, short-lasting, and make me shiver in fever for three days while in pain. So, considering the possibility of getting hit by these drugs, I don't take it lightly. But yeah, I keep secrets. It's not because I don't trust you, but because I don't want to burden you. They say the more you know, the heavier the burden of knowledge becomes. It doesn't help anyone if you know how many things out there can harm me. Damon knows very well that even he can't protect me from everything, as I am an adrenaline junkie and occasionally get into trouble."
I was trying to defend my actions even if they felt somehow flimsy, and shallow, but I had my need to be strong, not to even acknowledge properly my weaknesses.
Wulfe said to me, "Bullshit, you just want to keep everything to yourself because you still don't trust us. I can make potions with no side effects, but I need to know what I'm dealing with. I don't need you to ingest anything in order to block those drugs, but I do need samples of them."
Number four commented calmly, "Good to know. But again, if there are drugs that work on you, we should figure out what we can use. Your body is not easy to drug, and even Velvet doesn't always work well. We shouldn't block every single drug, only the ones that harm you. Leave the rest to be used. You know, you do need painkillers or sedatives from time to time and while we use our teeth, it might be a good idea to have a backup, and teach you again to tolerate being in meds."
Number one nodded and added, "Things like detomidine and even romidifine can be useful when used correctly. I know you have issues with being drugged, but we can use them for good. Not just for you, but for others as well. There are others in this hive as well. I know as well you do that I need sometime surgery because I eat whatever I want and it is not easy to keep me down or get my muscles relaxed enough."
I replied, "I have my problems, but these are things I don't want Sark to have. He could put me in a coma with a single shot of carfentanil, and I would be helpless. Sure, Wulfe, you can make potions and all, but with my body being what it is and Sark having evil wizards on his payroll, can you be sure that they can't tamper with your potion? And my body, well, it might render your potion ineffective without even meaning to, just by chance. I just can't fully trust it. As I've learned from the potion that should keep my multiplication enzyme under control, it's a tough one to take. You sometimes forget to give it to me, and I can't be asleep when I take it. So yeah, my body has fought against it. As you've noticed, it doesn't last a year anymore."
Damon nodded and said, "Yeah, but Wulfe can surely make it work better and without symptoms. Maybe he can even help you tolerate those symptoms better. And it is not surefire that it holds up to the year, if you get banged up, the potion will be used up sooner, I have my tattoo for that reason and yeah, there are things that I have done, not been there for you, meaning you have no idea if the potion is effective, so I am thinking maybe put the tattoo on you too so you would have an idea about it. Wulfe has never even tried to do anything to your multiplication enzyme."
Colin said, "I am not so comfortable messing up with her system too much. Multiplication enzyme has its uses and if black wizards, even sorceresses, would disable your potion or butcher it, she might lose her healing and then it would be nasty. "
Damon frowned as he was thinking about that possibility. It was clear that they wanted to know every little secret I had, but not everything was meant to be shared. As Damon was about to say something, I was faster.
I scoffed and remarked, "We should focus on Annaliese and getting rid of her, not my secrets. You have no idea what they are, and I'm not in the mood to explain. I'm not keeping them just for fun; most of the time, I wish they would disappear."
Mariella responded, "Try to explain. What secrets? You're burdening yourself for no reason. Sharing is caring." She was looking at me intently.
The smell of coffee wafted in the air still. It seemed to be one smell that hung in our houses almost all the time.
I rolled my eyes and said, "I have enemies like Sark and Krycheck. Then there are possible enemies. You see, with my memory, I remember everything. Sometimes, when someone discovers that I have such a good memory, they try to remember what they said when I was around or what I might have heard. I have a lot of information in my mind that could come back to haunt me one day. And I have no way of knowing which piece of information might make someone come after me. So when it happens, it seems like I kept it a secret when, in reality, I had no idea it was important enough for someone to target me."
Dresden nodded calmly and said, "You know, there are memory stones. They can help you clear your mind without erasing your memory. They fade out the memories, but they keep them safe in the stones."
I replied, "Again, when it's not me but others who think I'll go after them or blackmail them, it doesn't help me get rid of those memories. Then I have no clue why someone is after me. For all I know, I could have a lot of sensitive information in my mind, and I wouldn't even know it." My voice sounded tired.
Number two whispered in my ear, "I see. We have to do something about that. You see, my love, we need to delve into your mind and extract that useless information. We'll split it so each of us has a piece. It's like having a huge archive in your mind, and we'll divide the data so each of us knows something, not just you. For you, we'll fade out those memories. Of course, you'll have your backups, but you won't need to access that information. This way, if anyone asks to see if you have any secrets, you genuinely won't know, but one of us will."
I said, "Yeah, but it's common knowledge among these potential enemies and my memory. Even if I were to try convincing them, they wouldn't believe me because I genuinely know nothing. Sure, you can examine my knowledge by going through my trash, but that doesn't eliminate the threat. It's my life on the line here, and I'm not keeping secrets just for fun. How difficult is it for you to understand that?"
I was getting almost desperate as these just did not get what I was explaining.
Number one responded, "Sure, you may have your reasons for withholding information from us, whether it's for protection or whatever excuse you give yourself. But that doesn't change the fact that we need to know. And now. The more you share, the more we can do, to prevent anyone from attacking you. If there is certain information, spreading it makes it obsolete as a secret when there are many who know stuff. I have experience as an interrogator to recognize knowledge that has some value."
Number three said, "Let's eliminate threats before get to us, or at least let us know about them, so we can take steps to protect you, protect us. Like Mariella said, sharing is caring. Don't believe that ignorance is bliss, and even if it was, we don't need bliss but reality." his voice was firm.
Number one nodded. He looked at me questioningly, waiting for me to give big secrets just willy-nilly.
Turning to Damon, I questioned, "What have you done over the years to eliminate the threat of someone injecting pure uranium into my veins or poisoning me with tomato, cilantro, or dandelion? The truth is, you can't control those enemies. All you can do is react after the fact. I, on the other hand, am trying to prevent my enemies from obtaining these substances. For example, I have established connections to various locations where uranium could be obtained, or I ensure that certain laboratory supplies are easily traceable, particularly those that can be used to extract poisons from tomatoes, cilantro, and other herbs. It's difficult because I can't reveal my true intentions, but I have to find other valid reasons to protect others from these substances."
Damon furrowed his brows as he pondered my words. I was again talking truths here. They just had no wiring to put me and my enemies as priorities and most of my secrets would require that, not think about Mariella or themselves but me and those who are after me. Salvatores being lazy, it was not very likely that to happen. Moreover, Magnum, Wulfe, and even Alaric had been taking out these enemies and threats for years, but it was still just a drop in the ocean.
Mariella chimed in, saying, "But tell us, we can find those reasons and appropriate procedures to contain these threats."
I nodded and replied, "But can you do it in a way that nobody realizes I'm also susceptible to these substances? Can you provide genuine reasons other than just protecting me? Wulfe, Magnum, and Alaric have been taking care of these threats for years, as they know how to do it discreetly enough."
Mariella replied, "We have magical houses with a diverse community of witches, wizards, and other supernatural beings. We could even include shifters, vampires, and faes. So, you won't be the only reason for this."
I nodded, realizing it was a good thing. However, being a control freak, I felt it would be best to keep an eye on things and be prepared, considering the lessons I had learned from my past.
Number two held me in his lap, making me feel even more secure. Surprisingly, Mariella didn't go to number one's lap, but Shadow did. Mimosa went to Charles's lap, and Mariella went to Adam's. Elena and Katherine hesitated for a moment before going to number five and four's laps. It wasn't as awkward as one might have thought.
I leaned in, listening to his heartbeat. I felt safe, loved, and a part of something bigger. At that moment, there was no tomorrow, not yesterday, no painful past, or uncertain future. Only this moment, where I was completely safe, loved, and held. It made my soul sing. I didn't need anything else at that moment. I just existed and allowed the perfection of the moment to give me strength.
I deserved it, and it was something I had to learn. I wasn't sure who or what had made me feel unworthy of love. Was it a part of my human mind or the difficult years that had battered my soul time and time again? My mind wandered, but as Rod Stewart's "Rhythm of My Heart" started playing in my mind, a smile formed on my lips. I wasn't sure who was sending me this song, but it was one of my favorites.
Music had always been a significant part of my life, even though my voice was not perfect. I couldn't hit the notes, but I loved to sing. It wasn't about being flawless; it was my way of expressing myself. We sat there in the dim light of summer nights and talked about the future.
I shared my ideas for upcoming parties. We planned to conclude everything at three parties, but I had a few surprises reserved. I needed genuine reactions, so I kept a few things to myself. But it was all good. I had no idea what would happen after this, but we had about a week before the first party. We would announce our arrival there, and word would eventually reach Annaliese's ears. She would have to make her entrance as well.
And then, it would be time to put on a show. I would have a week to make myself stronger in a certain way. This meant I would have to drink from Annaliese. Number two knew where her lair was and what security measures were in place. Wulfe would assist me by teaching me how to turn myself into fog. In that form, I would enter her lair, feast on Annaliese's blood as much as I could, and strengthen myself. I would leave no trace, but she would weaken.
Afterward, I would return, and the hive would feast on me, dispersing the power. This would keep me strong but blood-hungry, enabling me to efficiently drain her daily. Of course, Annaliese would be the strongest vampire I had ever drained, providing me with one hell of a boost. Even the hive would drain me. No more drinking myself stupid alone in the blood room.
I had time to learn how to be a fog or a real vampire and go after the strongest meal. I did not know who I would become, none at all. Our plan was also to possibly bite one of the Salvatores and bring them to the hive, but it was uncertain. I had no idea where she was keeping them or how strong they would be. Did they have the strength to ooze in, or the willingness? I had no idea what Annaliese had done to them during my long sick leave.
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