章 49: The Perspective Of Lumina (1)
The stages I went through to be 'born' felt strange.
Rather than started off with nothing, I remembered my time being a symbiotic entity filled with instinct.
Wanting to devour and survive…
Then being transformed from 'nothing'.
I started off as a blank canvas, but the nature was different from a pure white background like paper.
One could easily see a black dot on white, but they could barely see a change if that canvas was dark.
This was how my situation initially started…
I am a woman.
A female of the human species that can bear children when a very specific condition is met.
But more than that, I was someone of power.
An independent creature with the memories that originated from 'Adam Graham', but branched off.
My existence was no longer solely directed by the one known as Solaris, which is why I asked him:
"May I take initiative?" The familiar face that looked at me nodded, then vanished into my body silently.
The lack of any drama was surprising for me.
From what I could sense, he saw me as an extra limb almost as much as I did towards the 'original'.
Perhaps this was the most mysterious point of our relationship. Where did Solaris start and 'I' end…?
The only thing that I could do was plant my feet.
I didn't want to become merely an arm. It would be better to be considered the brain that a mere limb.
Or at the very least… an organ.
My Sea of Consciousness could feel that Solaris felt the same. He was… pretty relaxed of all this.
Was this his nature…?
It felt like I was petty for overreacting about the much more distinct split between our thoughts.
However, I found this independence to be great.
Only those blessed with overabundant amounts of freedom would pettily curse having independence.
Unlike I, an entity born naturally codependent.
One who only gained freedom by a stroke of luck...
Never again will I stand for becoming a mere offshoot of someone else. A mere arm or leg.
With thought thought in mind, I walked.
Thanks to my deer instructor, I've finally been able to wear a comfortable pair of black undergarments.
The colour naturally suiting my tastes.
Blue and white coloured the rest of my outfit. The former being more prominent along with black.
For a brief moment, I fell into a daze looking at myself. Truly, my body had changed dramatically.
From a normal girl to a drop-dead beauty.
When I looked into a nearby house window, my eyes laid on a face that was just eye-candy~~
"Stop ogling. It's making me feel weird…" Maybe because we were closer than twins, I felt the disgust my counterpart felt at me looking so closely. It made a teasing smile form on my face.
"Jealous~?" I twirled my hip and posed for the camera. Hot damn, I should become an actress~!
"You know that's not it."
"I can do what I want… whenever I feel like it."
"Fine. You've made your choice." After seeing the seriousness I put in my tone, he took a step back.
There was a line I would never let him cross.
"Then should we move on to talking about future plans?" After that was decided, I got to the point.
This was an important topic we needed to breach.
"You should already know what 'we' want. The only thing that makes us one is this feeling left to us."
"…Maybe, but differentiation is hard. You know the kind of slow process it took for us to become 'two'."
"What do you mean?"
"Who is to say that the feeling I have right now isn't my own will? After all, I wasn't originally 'Adam'."
"Does that bother you?" Even if I say it didn't, this feeling in my heart would likely never fade away.
It wasn't wrong that I didn't feel a bit irritated…
Moreover, after having finally gained my own independence, I never wanted to lose it again.
Becoming 'Eclipsus' with Solaris wasn't an option.
"I want to stay pure." My hands went down to touch at my dantian and stomach; truly fearing my safety.
It was an ambiguous answer; but he understood it.
There was no way the 'Original' wouldn't…
"…I understand-"
"Pray tell, what UNDERSTANDING do you mean?"
"I know my existence makes you uncomfortable."
"That's an gross understatement."
"Is it? I thought this was accurate."
"'Uncomfortable'? Like hell… If I didn't feel like I'd only die trying to fight you, I'd kill you myself."
"Then what?" As if he'd understood more than he let on, Solaris begged me to continue that thought.
What would I do after 'devouring' him?
"…Claim ownership of everything that makes 'Adam Graham' himself. Memories, skills, powers, etc. 'I' would become Eclipsus. Not some offshoot of another." My heart was filled with rebellious ire.
But this desire of mine would forever stay a dream.
There was no way Solaris would hand over the parts of himself that formed 'Adam' easily.
I couldn't have him erasing what I truly wanted…
"…So that's how you feel." It almost felt like this male counterpart of mine was nodding to himself.
What did this bastard take me for?!
"Screw off…!" Now I was feeling pissed. Did he just make me say all that just to judge me like this?
What a fucking asshole!
"You misunderstand."
"Say it. Where the fuck am I wrong here? Must be nice being closer to him, you 'Original' bastard."
"I don't know what you're trying to say. We're both different from him. That's what he- 'WE' wanted."
"You're so good at sophistry. Maybe I should let you do the talking. Lies come to you easily."
"Don't you believe in me?"
"I'd rather believe in a devil than you."
"You mean like our two Heart Devils?" Now that he brought that up, I found this hard to reply towards.
That situation was a crucial event in our lives.
The true reason we had both became distinct…
"Don't change the subject willy-nilly."
"Try hearing me out before you say that."
"I'm not interested at all. For me, they are just what they are: 'Devils'. I'm not listening any further."
"…Fair enough." He didn't speak any more.
It was at that point I looked towards the neighbourhood that was given to the Beastkin.
The Architect Class meat bags made the foundation of the kingdom greater in many ways.
Knowledge from different Earths making it better.
A house made of concrete and wood, like the ones I was looking at… seemed fairly modern in nature.
They held the culture of Commoners in this world.
Almost religiously conforming to a stereotype that made the streets hard to navigate the first time.
The smell of dust started subtly rescinding. Being gradually replaced by the burnt wood of fireplaces.
One could tell that life was up ahead.
"Aren't you going to move a bit faster?" Solaris asked in impatience, but I liked to ruminate.
Introspecting on the past and the present.
The more I thought about Earthlings, Gaia Humans, and the taboo knowledge… the more I understood.
A 'role' was important in this world.
And so was the restrictions that came with it.
A part of me knew something would happen the moment I stepped into the unknown domain of the Beastkin. Those guys who had a culture both me and Solaris weren't interested in before we split.
That's why I tried to evaluate where I stood.
What was the nature of my existence as Lumina.
I could feel the Qi Centre stretching from two points in my body: The dantian… and the womb.
Both of them weren't that powerful, as they were the same singular 'Qi Centre' at the end of the day.
I knew this had significance to my 'existence' as Lumina. The new identity I'd taken hold of.
Just like how Gaia Humans defined themselves with their Class, Earthlings also needed 'defining'.
Whether it was by their 'Job', or by their Skills.
Their essence as human beings was obvious.
But now that I couldn't access Gaia's system, it was hard to find out what traits defined me.
Who was I, and where was I going from here?
The only thing that could possibly give clarity on who I was happened to be 'his' Innate Semblance.
'Empty Darkness'…
For it was darkness where I was born, and there I would return the day Eclipsus came into being.
'Darkness' was no longer an ideal anymore…
Then let's put all things into perspective:
"I am born of darkness. A 'woman' endowed with Yin and Yang. I am not a true Martial Artist, but my Qi has gathered in a way to create an F Rank 'Qi Centre' of a cauldron. Yet even so, I am unable to fulfil that role now that I've promised chastity."
Solaris seemed confused when I outwardly spoke out my place in the world. My essence as Lumina.
How paradoxical my existence became…
A whore who was unable to whore herself…
The only thing that made me a woman was my gender, but that didn't mean I wasn't a female.
Because the body was only one aspect of the self.
Apart from my 'Flesh', I had my own Heart, Mind, and Soul. I was the one who chose this as my role.
Being a female cauldron who could not act as one didn't matter. The role wasn't the essence itself.
Rather, the role clarifies the essence of individuals.
Just like what Nobles were before becoming their given Class, and Landlords were before their Job.
"My role is a female cauldron, but what is my use?"
People were the one who made Jobs, not the other way around. Therefore, I had to pick my purpose.
This rumination strengthened my Dao Heart and Qi Centre. Introspection brought forth new insight.
My breath circulation style was closer to that of a cauldron's, but that didn't mean I had to be one.
The technique didn't define who I was.
Just because it seemed like a failure, didn't mean I'd became worthless. My goal merely had to shift.
'Cauldron'…
It was a derisive term that Martial Artists and Cultivators gave to people they saw as sex objects.
That was THEIR perspective of my existence.
But did I have to follow their inherent values?
'Funny… Since when was I someone who would bow my head to another? Well, other than Adam…' I thought with pride. At that point I'd come to a new realisation: Cauldrons didn't have one meaning.
All insights formed into a new enlightenment.
The Yin Qi flowing through my meridians started to exude out of my body. Impurities were clearing up.
This wasn't the same as the black ichor that had been expelled once before. It felt more spiritual.
The amount of Qi I could store also improved.
Solaris had no choice but to be seemingly stunned into silence by the transformation my Yin Qi took.
The icy nature changed somewhat, which I took as an opportunity to refine the blade Hyuk gifted me.
As a reward for completing my training, he gave a 'Coldsteel Longsword' that was suitable for me.
I was a little disappointed that it was merely a disposable weapon from the corner of his Bag of Holding at the time, but now I felt different. The nature of the weapon perfectly suited my body.
A darker and more flesh-like sculpting of frost covered the blade, extending my will into it.
The sword balanced between the two concepts.
When the burst of spiritual energy from my body rescinded, I felt much more alive than ever before.
The Semblance within me altered.
It wasn't a change that Adam started. This was a change that was solely my own independent act.
A mask was an identity. That's why the darkness congealed from my facial meridians to form one.
The black circular shaped mask had a smiling face on it. That look mimicking the expression I'd once shown Adam before he filled me with his own memories. One could see it as a return to nature.
My identity had been reinforced and implanted onto the Innate Semblance. Forever inseparable.
Now… I was much stronger than my counterpart.
Solaris appeared before me without resisting in any way. He watched as my expression was shifting.
"Are you still planning on devouring me?" He put his own broadsword to the side and spoke to me.
The lack of combativeness in his tone surprising.
It made me think twice about my decision…
Killing him would be like twisting the neck of a baby. At most, maybe I'd get a little bit injured.
However, doing so would also be lowering myself.
I'd already silently declared myself as an individual and planted my feet into reality. I didn't need 'him'.
The ego I identified reinforced my existence…
Thus, there was no need to become Eclipsus.
There was no need to become 'Adam Graham'.
As doing so would erase what I'd just built up.
Maybe I could erase him, but that would mean admitting that I feared he was more 'real' than me.
A misunderstanding I'd never allow to exist…
"Forget it. Just remember who is in charge of this operation. Understood?" The mask on my face vanished, revealing a calm temperament. What really made this expression crack was his attitude.
He seemed to be under delusion of our bond…
"Come on~ Aren't we on equal footing? Does it make sense for one of us to take the lead here?"
"This isn't a democracy. You either shut up and return, or I devour you." My monstrous mask arose.
The shinny white block-like teeth looked like they could grind on his bones if I decided to chomp him.
The view of my face reflected in his eyes looked neither like a masked woman nor a true monster.
Just a freakish combination between the two…
It wasn't exactly 'black ice' that made the material of the Semblance, but a different shape of Yin Qi.
One that even I was unable to comprehend.
The face didn't scare my counterpart one bit, but he looked dejected while returning back to me.
Hah! Look at that face~!
Let him bitch and moan on the inside, it'll make me feel better from having followed him all this time.
Fucking hypocrite…
My eyes turned towards the streets where the designated territory of the Beastkin started.
The buildings started to look a little more sophisticated and cleaner while going forward.
Only thing nagging me was the lack of any bystanders. It was odd that there was NOBODY.
Adam, and by extension Solaris, owned a big chunk of the inner part of the city that made the Capitol.
Perhaps it wasn't as big as the Adventurer District that made most the city, but it was a lot bigger than the lands owned by Noble Households. The land stretched enough to fit at least a few dozen men.
And that was only one smaller neighbourhood.
The rest of the place added together could reach nearly two hundred after squeezing a little bit.
But there wasn't even a shadow in sight?
Maybe I'd find this ominous… if not for the fact that I was originally a denizen born from the darkness.
The shadows was my parent.
So how could those dangerous black suited flesh bags of animal flavour… escape my higher senses?
I was the first one to notice there was one reckless snack who had already aimed a sniper to my skull.
…Now this was a warm welcome I hadn't expected.
The arrival of a full course meal made my mouth water a little. Hopefully, they would attack me.
Please please please please please attack me~!
I need a reason to taste if you guys. Do any of you taste like chicken? No? Then how about a nibble-?
"Lumina…" The voice from within snapped me back to my senses. I only agreed on not killing them.
These snacks were lucky they had other uses...
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