章 4: November
Nathan loves me so much and I love him he cares about me too he also wants to punch my dad I love it so much
we held hands yesterday
Happy wedding anniversary Chris
I miss Nathan it sucks not having a phone and can't call or text him I made a bracelet that says Nathan I made other bracelets too but all I care about is Nathan I just can't believe that he cares about me ugh he's so cute I think I'm going to kiss him on Monday on the cheek though Nathan said if it wasn't for me he'd be suspended that's true
When I'm at school I'm with him but when I get home it feels like I don't have a boyfriend at all I need a phone man I have been doing so good so far I have to keep it up to get a phone
Maybe I'll get a phone for Christmas
I really miss Nathan I wish he lived next door to me he'd be on the same bus as me I'd see him everyday that would make me really happy
Do you know how hard it is using scissors to cut string instead of cutting myself it's so hard
I've been reading my book all day Nick came over with Lexi but he did his laundry
I'm so bored I still want to know why Nathan loves me? I'm never going to hang out with him so what's the point of dating him tomorrow is 2 weeks since we've been together but it feels like I'm not dating anyone at all we've never even kissed well he kissed me on my cheek but that doesn't count we've only held hands like once or twice and I always get a side hug but I'll find out tomorrow what'll happen between us
No school today yay!
I had HSM rehearsal yesterday but it was only singing
Tomorrow and Thursday HSM rehearsals
Next week doesn't look like any rehearsals
Too much rehearsals for me Oh LC Idol I'm still thinking on whether I should do it or not still can't decide but it's in January so I have plenty of time to make up my mind
OMG
So bored
sitting on my bed in my room is so boring ugh
Sierra said that Nathan is going to get me a promise ring for Christmas
I'm scared
I started to write my story again it's been awhile since I've written I added a new character to the story I'm still on chapter 5 but I got on to page 8 I wish I had more inspiration I got some reading a book helps me and I think my boyfriend is giving me some inspo too I put him as a character in my story I still don't know how long my story is going to be and I still have to figure out a name for the book too
Tomorrow is going to be 3 weeks
I made it to chapter 6 Finally I just wrote a paragraph in chapter 6 I didn't read my story at all I just want to write it then read it hopefully it turns out good and I also hope that I can find a good name for the book then it'll be actually done when I get it published but that won't be for awhile so until then it'll be finished just not right now still need more inspo for the book
Happy birthday Uncle Johnson
Snow day No school
I seen Nathan at Burlington very awkward
I'm rewriting my story again and I'm adding as I go
Sierra is trying to make me and Nathan kiss omg I do want to kiss him but I'm scared to kiss him but he kissed me on the cheek twice the first time my hair was in the way
Nathan won't stop hitting his hand on the fucking table I hate him doing that it makes me sad it seems like he's not happy to be with me I want to cry but I can't Nathan asked me what was wrong I told him why and he said that he doesn't feel a thing or it doesn't hurt IDK but still I don't like him doing that all I feel like I'm better off without a boyfriend but this boy actually cares about me which is sweet and I wish that I could kiss him but I'm too scared to do it maybe i'll kiss him on the cheek who knows maybe he wants to kiss me out of school when we're alone IDK but I don't want to rush things between us at all
I aced my test like always hooray
Happy Birthday Fadia!
My mom knows about Nathan omg! Why! But she don't care if I date him at all which is good I didn't kiss him like I said I was but I didn't do it at all now I'm going to kiss him Monday on the cheek just a quick one I wish it was on the lips though but I can't rush things
Why does this kid Hunter keep asking me if I'm dating Nathan still and why does he laugh when I give him an answer
Still rewriting my story
Joker was alright
It's hard to write when I'm always thinking about Nathan
I want to be next to him I wish he lived next door
4 weeks tomorrow
I wore Nathan's hoodie today and he wrote LOVE on my hand in orange highliter it's fading away he's trying out for the basketball team today wish him luck
I hugged Scott even though I am dating Nathan what should I do should I tell Nathan I still have a crush on Scott but I love Nathan I hate my life I don't think that I'll ever kiss Nathan It looks like he doesn't care about me at all
I never kissed Nathan like I said I was going to maybe tomorrow I mean it will be a month since we've been together maybe he'll kiss me on the lips I'd love that but again I can't rush in to things I just have to wait ugh!
I am so cold and bored I don't know what to do but I 'm leaving soon for the doctors
It's been a month
I kissed Nathan on the cheek
we bought a new christmas tree
I seen Uncle Johnson
I hate puzzles Nathan made the basketball team we barely talked today I feel like he's going to brake up soon he don't talk to me at all what's the point of dating No one likes me My own boyfriend don't even like me I thought Nathan was going to be the one but I guess not He says he's getting me something for Christmas I don't think he is I shouldn't be dating a stupid freshman like what Nathan's friends say it's stupid to date a senior so it's stupid to date a freshman I'd rather date girls No wait I'd be better off with no one in my life Why didn't he tell me that he made the team? Next week is going to be hell because my ex Elijah is coming to the school and he wants me back but I told him that I have a boyfriend and he's mad so hopefully he don't break me and Nathan up I think I might tell Nathan what my dad did to me maybe he'll care about me who knows I might break up with him
Nathan's a player of course he don't like me Imma bout to start fucking around with other dudes now but I have to wait till Monday
Happy Thanksgiving!
Food was good yesterday
Monday will be 6 weeks
I'm still thinking about Nathan being a player and my ex Elijah if Elijah is really going to go to my school maybe I should date him again I do miss him and he wants me back Does Nathan really love me I think I should just brake up with Nathan he doesn't love me Nathan doesn't look like the kind of person to be a player plus he would've broken up with me if he was a player Nathan even says that he got me something for Christmas maybe he does love me and I just haven't realized it yet Who knows I have to wait till Monday
I'm going to talk to Nathan about what Sierra told me about him and Darlene said that he has crushes on other girls maybe she's right about it I mean they did date but caleb would know for sure because their best friends but then again I don't want to worry about it at all If Nathan is a player then I'll be done with life If he isn't then maybe I'll be happy but Elijah I don't know what to do Monday needs to hurry fast
I'm so bored Im tired of reading
I want to sleep actually goodnight I'll write some more tomorrow morning
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