章 16: Guns on a Warzone
April 19, 2013
10:12 pm
Christine Romulo
"Well, here we are."
After a somewhat unusual time at The Walled Village, things must also come to an end. He goes out of the car and opens the door for me. Once again, he helps me out like the gentleman he is.
"I guess you have paid your debt," I say flatly to him.
He just lets out a weary smile. "I guess I have," he says with a tinge in his voice. "Do you think, ummm, this is the last time we will see each other?"
After a day actual happiness, I find myself snapping back to a reality in which it is all temporary. Our date is just a one-time thing. He is not my lover. He's just a man that owed me something for what he has done. Now that he has paid it, there is no reason for us to talk to each other again. Still, I don't want it to end yet.
"It depends upon you," I answer, seemingly without a care.
I think he read me when I said that. He just smirks at my answer. "Would you like to see each other again some time? I could, you know, just see you at the church. Maybe attend a hypocritical mass with the hypocrite. You know, the old lady and the modern lady thing?"
Somehow, he even makes goodbyes a thing to laugh at. I cannot help but chuckle at what he did earlier. "Of course, I think I'd like that."
"Or, I could just hit you again with my motorcycle, so I could go on another date with you?" he says, suggestively.
In his words, it was as if he did not want this to end. I look at my knees, and there I can still see the wounds from the crash. Ah, that stupid accident. We would have never met if it wasn't for that. For his words, I just give him a suggestive smile. "I think I'd rather like it if you would just ask me."
He takes my free hand and puts it to his lips. "I think I might do just that," he says with a smile on his face.
As he looks into my eyes, I can see his eyes reflect the night sky – a crescent moon shining above us with stars all around. I see him let out a brief smile as he tucks some of my hair behind my ear. He gently puts his palm on the side of my face. Our lips draw closer, closer, closer still to each other.
Just when it was about to be done, I break away.
"Not ready, I see," he silently remarks. "It's alright. I understand."
No, it was not for that reason. I can almost see his father in his eyes. I can almost see the man that almost raped me and had me killed. I can almost see the man that thought me for a useless slut and would easily had me used for his own pleasure. No, it will not be him. I cannot continue this charade. This will be the last time that I shall see him.
"Right, thank you for the night," I say to him. "I hope you go home safely."
And with that, I see the guards open the double doors for me. I enter the mansion without looking back at him. I hope it is the last time that we will see each other. We don't deserve each other. I mean, come on! I slept with his father. What else shall he think about me if he finds out about it? As for me, I cannot erase in my mind that his father is a corrupt politician that has blood spilling out of his hands.
Before I went up my room, I hand my coat once again to a maid waiting by door. I locked myself in my room. I don't want anyone saying a word about this date for the night. I know my mother already likes Mateo for his heritage, but I do not want anyone pushing me to continue this charade. With me all alone in this room, I feel myself running out of breath. It was as if everything I wear right now is crushing me into suffocation.
I hastily take off all of the jewelry all over me. I cannot take it anymore. I took off every single pin holding my hair up. Even though I have removed almost everything from me, I still cannot remove the dress. No matter how much I try to pull it away, it is still held up by a zipper or a lace.
"I cannot take it anymore!"
I cannot take this life where all my actions are controlled. I can feel all of my bundled feelings flowing all over me. I see myself throwing everything that I near me. From my hand mirror to my jewels, it just flies all over my room. Even the harmless little things such as papers and pens fly all about, like guns on a warzone.
At the end of it all, I just fall on my knees. Tears are flowing out of my eyes without me realizing what's going on. Dear god, why must my life be this way? Why must my life be surrounded by the life of the elite when all I wanted to do in life is to change things for the better?
As I let out my tears, I suddenly hear my door cracking – cracking as if someone is trying to break it open.
"Christine? Are you alright in there? I heard something break."
Right, there is no other person with that smooth and clear voice in this house. I can never mistake that voice for another person – Margaret. This is not the right time. She cannot see me like this. I suddenly straighten myself up and try to clean up all the mess in my room.
"I'm going in. I hope it's okay with you."
That's it. There's no stopping her. She unlocks my door with a set of keys from the outside. As I try to fix everything up, I cannot help but just give up. I fall to my knees in the middle of my room. As she opens the door, she finds me on my knees, like a fallen angel from the heavens.
Without any words, she just takes me into her embrace. She brushes my hair with her fingers as if she would like to brush away my pain. "I understand, it's okay. I'm here for you. Just let it all out."
I feel her silent tears falling onto my arms. "Is there no way out?" I ask of her. "Must we suffer every day in this life?"
Suddenly, she breaks away from her embrace and look at me in the eye. She holds me firmly by the shoulders as if to make a point. "There is no way out, Christine. We are Romulos. We are forever trapped in this web of wealth and power. You'll just have to be strong and make it until the end."
She just manages to give an encouraging smile. In spite of her attempts at consolation, I cannot help but throw myself into her embrace once more. "Margaret, I just want to do my own thing and be a free bird without having to conform to anything. I am so tired of having to act a certain way just to conform to the ways of a Romulo or an elite."
Once more, she simply brushes my hair away. "This is the way of a Romulo," she says icily. "We have to act according to their standards, and not take many lovers nor seduce those who are already in a stable relationship."
Her cold and calculating voice says something to me. All I could do is break away again and look at her in the eyes. She suddenly rises from where she sits and walk for the door. Before she heads out, she looks at me once more with a firm face. "I think you already know what I am talking about."
She left me sitting agape. Of course, being the friend of Mister Stoic, I think she knows everything very well. She knows my game and she knows how I play it. The one who is often silent at the dinner table now has begun to speak her mind. This is her first warning. I had just awakened a dragon that has been silent for a while. First, she comforts, then she kills. This is my father's ways – first he lures you in, then kills you. Like father, like daughter I must say.
A strong message yet delivered in the most obscure of ways – don't seduce my friend for you are a Romulo.
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