章 23: Part III, Chapter I - Road trip
We reached Agatha's new house with our stuff packed. We had no idea where they were at first until Sherlock deduced their location just by the sound that came from the phone. I was carrying the dog. Officer Heinz was already inside, sitting on the couch.
"Greetings, retards!" yelled Jane as she kicked down the door to their room with impressive accuracy for a blind woman.
"I could arrest you for vandalizing that door" said Officer Heinz, disgustingly spitting on the floor because he was that rude. He was not wearing his police uniform, rather, he wore a blue T-shirt and dark-gray jeans and sandshoes.
"But you won't because you're a sissy!"
"He won't" interrupted Agatha "Because, as his boss, I told him not to arrest you and your Mr. Siscon. I'm allowing him to arrest Sherlock when necessary, though"
"What the fuck is a Siscon?" I asked.
"It's when you have sexual attraction to your sister" answered Jane "Who is dead, so that also makes you a necrophile"
"Excuse me?" I asked, offended "That term is a bit too exagerrated, also gross"
"Mr. Sis-complex, then" said Agatha
"Shut up"
"Enough!" said Sherlock "You know why we're here"
"I already grabbed our passports and the plane leaves in 1 hour, now you owe us money. Let's go!" said Agatha
"But" I interrupted "It'll take us 50 minutes to get to the fucking airport and 11 minutes to get on the damn plane"
"We can get there faster by my car" said he.
"It better be faster than your brain" said Jane.
"It's in my garage and it's not your car" claimed Officet Heinz.
Agatha lead us to the garage to reveal a yellow custom-built model. He rubbed its smooth surface talking dirty to it.
"Miss me, baby?" he said to the car "I'm about to revv up your engine and empty your fuel tank with my-"
"Okay, that's enough" I interrupted, feeling very uncomfortable.
"That's not your baby!" said Officer Heinz "That's my fucking car"
"You have no proof"
"Well, it's in my garage, plus-" For dramatic effect Officer Heinz took out a license and his car keys.
"William" called Agatha "Can you deduce whose car is this?"
"Are you sure none of you stole it?"
"Oh for fuck's sake, get in the car" said Officer Heinz. We were astonished by the speed he was going with the car that if there were any police around we would be arrested by now had the driver not been a police officer. He dodged and drifted through the streets. I gave up my seat belt to my dog Emily. Everything was smooth sailing, we got to witness how amazingly fast the car was, then we got stuck in traffic and got to witness how amazingly slow it could go. Jane, and I sat on the back, Heinz on the driver seat with Agatha riding shotgun. Sherlock was in the trunk because there was no more room. Our dog Emily lied in a cage held by me.
"Look!" yelled Jane, pointing at her side of the window "You don't often see a man on a horse on the road at these times!"
We all turned our heads to see that there was none, completely forgetting that she was blind. We only had 30 minutes left before the plane leaves.
"Are we there yet?" I asked to purposely annoy Officer Heinz.
"Can't you see we're in traffic?" said he.
"Are we there yet?"
"We're still in the car"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are you sure you don't wanna allow me to arrest him?" he turned to his boss.
"No" answered Agatha. Officer Heinz groaned.
"How ironic that the man with 'Outlaw' as his last name doesn't want me to arrest-"
"Give some respect to surnames!"
"Huh?" asked Jane. We reached the airport 10 minutes before the flight. We had to find a way to get Sherlock out of the trunk without anyone seeing.
"Second time in my life" said Sherlock "Atleast it was intentional this time. Mrs. Hudson still did it better and all I did was ask for tea"
We booked our seats and successfully got on the plane. There were three columns of seats on both sides. We were in the middle between a couple holding hands and flirting on the front and a mother and father two seats back with their child between them. I sat on the outside seat where I can go in and out easily, Officer Heinz sat near the window and Jane sat between us, Sherlock sat next to Agatha who sat behind Officer Heinz, our dog Emily was in her cage on the container at the bottom of the plane.
"Great! there's a couple flirting infront of us" whispered Officer Heinz.
"No, you can't arrest them" whispered Agatha.
"What are you going to charge them? Flirting in public?"
The couple started kissing with their tongue.
"Are you sure I can't arrest them?" asked Officer Heinz, about to press a small button for emergencies above.
"Don't" I stopped him.
"Atleast you two aren't flirty as fuck"
"We only married each other for the sake of protecting and dying together as best friends, no romance or sexual tension here, we just think of each other as best friends and not a sweet shitty couple"
"Wait, so-"
"We haven't done it"
"Behold the virginlords" said Agatha, reading a magazine.
"Why does everyone bring that up? It's not like it matters"
"This conversation is boring" claimed Sherlock.
"Too bad you can't shoot the walls right now" said I.
"Attention everyone" announced the Flight Attendant on the mic "The plane will leave in approximately 1 minute. If there is an emergency, there should be a small button above your seat. Any questions?"
Jane raised her hand, giving me mild anxiety about what abomination she could strike.
"Yes, Ma'am?" said the Flight Attendant.
"If a Flight Attendant misses a job for a day, does that make her a Flight Absentee for that day?"
Nobody laughed except me whose foot was stepped on by my wife. Officer Heinz touched his chest and pretended to have a heart attack.
"Ma'am, I can assure you we Flight Attendants are always serving"
"Cool, I may be blind, but I can see you having an existential crisis"
The plane took off and we were on our way back to Idio Town. Everything was silent until, of course, Sherlock started to talk.
"The man behind me is not his son's father" he whispered.
"What?" asked I.
"The facial features, he has his mother's eyes, but not a single strand of resemblance from his father"
"Anyone can deduce that"
"Ah yes, but the father doesn't seem to be bothered. In fact, not every child has resemblance to their parents even when he or she has a strand of their DNA. The boy has dark skin but is not tanned, his father is tanned but they don't share the same skin tone. His mother-"
"Okay okay, I get it"
"The couple infront of you are murderers"
"What?" asked Officer Heinz "Does this mean I can arrest them?"
"Not without evidence"
I was about to ask him how he could tell they were murderers until I realized I could just observe and deduce. I could not see anything that connects them from being murderers, this Sherlock Holmes may be a random guy with a mental illness and thinks he is Sherlock Holmes, but he sure does have the skill. Either that or he was just making stuff up from intense boredom. I thought so, until the man told the Flight Attendant that this was his first flight but his bag had a milestone badge indicating he had been to another country before. Not only that, but he was talking in perfect English and had a perfect british accent, if he this was his first flight, then he had been in Norway since birth and there should be atleast a small hint of a Norwegian accent even if he studied English. I told the others about it. Perfectly timed, one of the foreign passengers came out of the bathroom panting in shock and yelling "Murder! Murder!"
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