章 116: Karl'in those DM's

"Who on earth taught you about medicine? Your patient could've gone into shock with the way you were digging through their wound, I've seen torture less painful than that!" he exclaims, only now noticing that he had a few weapons pointed at him from all directions.

The woman whom he'd shoved gives him a confused look, "What do you mean? I've done this plenty of times and it usually goes pretty well!"

Afton maintains his glare, "Define 'pretty well'"

She shrugs, "Half of my patients make it out fine~."

...

Afton glances at the mercenaries pointing their weapons at him and growls, "You guys better put those guns away before I jam them up your ass's and pull the trigger."

...

They relent and lower their weapons upon seeing there was no immediate threat of violence. "Keep your hands off the boss and we'll get on nicely." one says and Afton just shrugs.

"I'll ask again, who taught you medicine?"

"No one, I'm self-taught." She states with an almost smug look.

...

"What does DNA mean?" he quizzes her, wanting to sees the extent of her stupidity.

She places both her hands on the bloody table and leans against it, "That's easy. 'Do not'... Err, 'ASK'!, that's it. 'Do not ask', the main tenant of all medical practice!"

Afton crosses his arms, noticing that it wasn't just him staring at her in disbelief. Even her own body-guards were astounded by the answer. "Uh huh, and what does asphyxiation mean?"

"Something to do with apples? Or maybe x-rays?"

"How would you deal with an infection?"

"Just pour salt on their foreheads, give them Chems and pray that it gets better."

"What sickness would someone have if they had a stuffy nose, sore throat, headaches, and a raised temperature?"

"Well, there are a few things it could be... The deadly Brazilian virus, Randy Orton disease, and ghoulification... But my gut says they'd have cancer."

...

Afton squeezes the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "How the fuck do you know what cancer is but not asphyxiation? And all of your guesses were wrong, it's the common cold you damn fool! What the fuck is the 'Randy Orton disease' anyway!?"

"It gradually causes your spin to bend backwards, destroying your posture and forcing you to eternally do the bridge pose."

"That's it, I refuse to allow you to operate on anyone else as long as I'm here. You will tell me if someone comes and I'll operate on them myself. I cannot allow someone as stupid and irresponsible as you to ruin the good name all of us medical practitioners have worked hard to earn."

He was expecting her to be distraught by what he'd said, but the woman just shrugs and agree's. "Whatever, being a doctor isn't my main money maker anyway."

"And what might that be?" Afton asks, feeling as if he's just getting deeper into the rabbit hole.

She steps away and takes a bag from her tent and opens it up, revealing a litany of incredibly addictive Chems that no reliable doctor would ever be seen near. Let alone carry on them. There wasn't a medical use for Jet, Psycho, and other similar drugs that'd destroyed more lives than Heroin had.

Afton just shook his head at this, he wondered what would be worse, letting her continue operating on people, or allowing her to sell drugs... He chose the latter as that was something people did to themselves, if they wanted to get fucked up on drugs there wasn't all that much he could do to stop them.

"I'm Afton. What's your name." he asks, feeling as if his nerves were frayed.

"I'm Ada Straus, guess we're partners now, huh?" she says in a slightly too chipper tone.

"Absolutely not, I'm only here to make sure you don't kill anyone with your stupidity. In a few weeks I'll be gone, and I hope you'll never call yourself a doctor again, not without at least doing a couple years studying under someone." he says.

She nods and he leaves to go find Karl to make sure he never allows that woman to touch him. Afton wasn't sure why the townsfolk had not kicked her outta Novac yet... Surely with her doing irreparable harm to half the people she dealt with they'd run her straight outta town.

Or, maybe doctors were so few and far between in the wasteland that the 50% casualty rate was manageable... Either way, he'd try and knock some senses into that woman's head during his stay in Novac.

He enters the motel's reception to see if Karl had gotten a room yet, but finds the man talking to a little old lady with grey hair, grey eyes with thick-rimmed glasses, and is wearing a dirty dress. She's sat behind the reception desk with an almost off-putting sickly-sweet smile on her face.

"Oh? So you used to work with the NCR?" she asks, looking enthralled by Karl's small-talk.

"Yeah, that's in the past nowadays. Just a wandering Merc-Ah, there's my partner. Kid looks fresher than a newborn but is one hell of a shot. Jeannie meet Afton, Afton this is Jeannie May Crawford."

Aford gives a weak nod in response, "A pleasure... Have you got us a room yet?"

Karl looks away for a moment before sheepishly shaking his head, "Ah-no, I lost track of time while talking with Jeannie here... Wait, why're your hands covered in blood?"

"Don't ask... All I'll tell is you to avoid that woman calling herself a doctor, I'd rather have a feral ghoul operating on me than her."

"Ah, miss Straus? Is she really that bad? She's done quite well in our town so far." Jeannie deposits herself into their conversation as if she belonged there.

Afton ignores the rather blunt breach of etiquette and nods, "From what I've seen, you guys are lucky that anyone she treats is still alive. She even asked me if irradiated people could toast bread for her... I mean, that's not even close to making sense!" he exclaims.

"But we need a doctor... Farmwork and varmint hunting tends to produce injuries. One bad infection and you'll never work again."

"I've offered to treat anyone that comes to her, let the town know that I'll be willing to help as long as I'm in town... Me and Karl should only be around for a couple of weeks, but that's the best I can do."