章 61: Blue Bird Learns To Fly
The curtains were held wide open and there was not a single sound produced from the world outside. Not even in the corridors was a single audible sound . For a brief second it was as if the whole world didn't exist and everyone along with everything else had simply vanished into the expressionless air .
Moreover with it being so deep into the night and so dull of the mood , there was no moon in the sky and the stars were barely visible. The night chill was as soft as always but other than that , everything was perfectly boring and without action. His wealth gave him this personal hospital room with a bathroom and a great view, nonetheless all the luxury feels meaningless at night since it simulates a museum with expensive equipment.
EunWoo sat on the corner of the toilet seat with IV stuck to deep through his throbbing veins. He had been staring out the window of this inbuilt bathroom for the past twelve minutes. No matter how unchanging the scene was he persisted on observing. His posture was as if he was uncomfortable and his breath was significantly forced and very shallow. It's safe to say that at times his breath was fusing into the stillness of the moment
One thing colonized his mind, how long would it take for him to stop breathing if he jumps. A few seconds before impact, during impact or immediately after? Would he break all his bones or just those he landed with? How much would hurt when he crashed? Would he feel any of the pain if that happened ?
To be honest, he has already made his mind up. He doesn't want to go back to his world ,to being himself . Currently he doesn't feel anything, no pain , no regret, no hate ,no grudges, no anger absolutely nothing. He doesn't want all the pleasure of this world but rather to run away from all of them and to never cease running but he also doesn't want to simply do that .It's like he was reborn with one mission and that is to die again.
He stood up and he entered the bath tub that was filled with luke warm water. He slowly sat down with the IV still attached to him .
Hansol gave him his old phone but flashed everything and replaced with EunWoo's customizations.He grabbed the phone that was placed next to the sink and he opened it but didn't even find a single missed call. He expected to find notifications yet the screen was blank. Not a single person had bothered to call nor text him. He changed to contacts and he dialed his father.
It rang twice before an almost childish voice answered.
" Hey, what's up? ", A young girl responded joyfully. She is his stepsister, the one person EunWoo's dad loves more than him.
" Where is dad?", He attempted to block the tears as they fell softly.
She prompted him to wait and before long the old man answered.
" Hey there tiger, good morning. How's everything?", He is somewhere around the globe so timezones are different.
" Cool. ",
A momentary silence blocked the conversation. He couldn't tell the truth and the man couldn't ask him what he wanted as if he always needs a reason for them to talk.
" Are you okay?", He asked and the sound of a closing door was produced.
" I.. I think mom is angry with me",
" Nah, you are overthinking things again. Yerim is a rational person. Just give her some space.",
" How much space , for how long?"
" Nwoo, don't be sensitive, just calm down. I will talk to her if it bothers you. Guess what? I am coming to there next week. I bought you that weird toy I sent you pictures of . I think it looks so much like you ."; He threw the phone on the soap holder . He couldn't hold back the tears
" If you have time we can then visit my mom in Malgon, she keeps asking for you. I heard that your uncle had a new baby so we can celebrate his first birthday together. Afterwards we will go to the pier and fish. I am aware that you hate the smell of fish so maybe you can just take pictures of me and show them to anyone",
" Okay! "He whispered as he was now leaning against the wall of the tub
" Cool. I will come with Mina. She wants to see granny . Your sister is so adorable, she doodled a portrait of us and she drew you as a blue bird", by the time he said all that, EunWoo was literally just staring at the adjacent white wall and the restless tears fell without permission
He called his father because he thought he would say something that would lighten his mood like all the other times. But he forgot that ever since Mina was born he has been replaced. He still lights up when they talk but he always involves the kid.EunWoo doesn't know how to feel about her. She is adorable but he hates her so much because she gets all his father's attention. Sometimes he even thinks that her mother is the reason his parents divorced.
He listened to his father going on and on about mina. He held the edges of the tub and he slid himself downwards. Seconds before his face was buried underneath , He held his breath and he lowered himself further into the water.
He never learnt how to swim because his father left before he fulfilled the promise to teach him . For that reason he only wants to learn it from him. Twice he had asked him for learn and just as Eunwoo was about to agree, he would want to include Mina in the lesson therefore he'd coldly declined.
The way he hates Mina is so dominating and blinding. He can't say he wishes she would die but that doesn't mean he is proud that she was born. If she would disappear that would be for the best. He already doesn't have his mother's attention and now he has to lose his father's to a little girl whose mother is spending money like she is on oath.
The level of jealousy and anger he feels wherever he has to think about Mina is powerful to the point when he tries to think they share blood , he just feels filth boiling up inside of him
Seconds turned to a minute and soon two minutes passed. He had held his breath for the first time under water and he hated the feeling but he almost didn't want to remove his head to feel the gush of air on his face. What awaited him outside this is a dead silence that is polluted by the voice of a man gloating about a child who created a merciless gap between father and son.
God knows that he did his absolute best to stay strong, to hold on against all odds but he can't carry on like this. If this is a war , even if he won he would still be defeated. His body would carry on but the living would have long stopped .
Two minutes turned into three and a half. The pressure started to collapse his brain and he felt his lungs set on fire. He wanted to release because he craved to breathe. Due to that , he let go of a huge exhale and on the next second he took in his last and very deep breath underwater. his body forced him to cough but he causally called in all the water and he let his muscles and nerves burn with anticipation and plea for mercy.
He kept the water inside his body and after fighting for less than five minutes and six years, suddenly he felt so ridiculously sleepy. He felt like someone who was resting over a very comfortable place and was relaxing for dear life . Though he was sure his lungs are filled to the brim with water, it was unclear how he couldn't feel any of that anymore.
All that was present was the need to sleep even just for a few seconds. All the while he had kept his eyes closed so he really can't say his eyelids felt heavy.
His iv drip is filled with electrolyte solution so it can't make him feel sleepy the way he is.
The sound of muffles was still audible however he could only pickup one thing. He could hear but he wasn't listening. He is sure that there is speaking but he is practically withdrawn from it all.
But finally he has control over his own life and this time no one can do anything. He had the option to wake up or to stay asleep. He has the option to react or to stay still. .
He felt inexplicably exhausted and numb. He felt weak yet light, strong yet transparent, delusional yet factual. He felt a certain way and its significant opposite's description. His body and emotions felt a million things at a go but none of them seemed agonizing. A summation of pain is painless, how is that a good thing?
He has no regrets, just that he wishes he had done this sooner. He tried to act okay, to act immune and to smile when he was wanted to cry , to laugh when he wanted to scream and to remain still when he wanted to run. For the first time he is going to let all those emotions show but this time around, he has no audience. It's just him and his dark room.
EunWoo let nature take course and allowed his body to fall into a deep sleep. His head fell to the side and his muscles lost tension. His blood started to slow down and his pulse begun to disappear.
In this room , at this moment with not a single spect of life brewing, EunWoo melted into the emptiness of the place , as he became no different from the furniture and no similar to the red light on his life monitor.
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